The other chosen one
by Elephant Travels
Summary: What if Harry Potter wasn't the only orphan with a destiny at Hogwarts? What if the golden trio had a fourth member? JJ has had the best six years of her life since she discovered she was a witch and started at Hogwarts but now her life was about to change dramatically. Will she be able to overcome the terrible things that happen to her change the destinies of those around her?
1. Chapter 1

It has been nearly seven years since the four of us first met. I can distinctly remember every detail of that cold September day when I first stepped onto the train station platform. I was alone; I had been alone for as long as I could remember. The orphanage I had lived in was a cold and horrible place and this, and this right now was my salvation, I couldn't wait! Wandering along the corridor of the train I found an empty carriage while people were saying goodbye to their families. A few minutes later a boy had walked in looking as scared as I felt,

"Hi," he said "Is there space in here?"

"Err, yes there's loads, everyone's saying goodbye to their families so they haven't started looking for places to sit yet," I smiled at him shyly and he smiled back.

"You not saying goodbye to anyone?" he asked as he sat opposite me.

"No, don't have anyone, their dead," I said bluntly, without really thinking about it no-one had ever shown me pity before or any interest whatsoever so I just carried on fiddling with my broken bag.

"Mine too," he said and I looked at him startled, not even noticing that another boy and girl had entered the carriage too.

"Really, how?" I asked curiously, it sounds so callous thinking about it now but we were children then, and I had never met anyone really who was the same. I never spoke to the other kids at the home, they were too scared to talk to me in case they got the same treatment I did; no-one wanted that. Besides I think they all still had at least one parent alive just not able to look after them.

"You don't know?" came an incredulous voice next to me, I turned and saw a red headed boy sitting there looking at me strangely. I shook my head and he stared harder "But… but that's Harry Potter" he stated pointing at the boy sitting opposite me.

"Oh, right" I said uncertainly, "Nice to meet you Harry, my names JJ," I smile he smiles back briefly before remembering my question.

"Oh apparently I'm famous in the wizarding world because this powerful dark lord called Voldemort murdered my parents and tried to kill me but couldn't," he summarises before asking "What about yours?"

"I always imagined that they died in some romantic and painless way,"

"Imagined?" said the bushy haired girl before introducing herself and the red haired boy, "I'm Hermione by the way and this is Ron,"

"Nice to meet you" I said "And yeah imagined no one ever told me what happened, they just told me at the orphanage where I live that their dead and there's no point in moping about it and they probably wouldn't have wanted me anyway," I smile bitterly to myself as I remembered this particular conversation.

"Would you like me to fix that?" she said pointing at my bag before tapping it with her wand, "you should get a new one really." I laughed at that,

"I've never had anything new in my life and I have no money," I smile,

"Oh, I'm..."

"It's okay, it doesn't matter I'll make do,"

And well that was that as they say, the rest is history. We were friends, inseparable, we did everything together; fought evil together, spent Christmas together, went shopping together, studied together and ate together. But I guess things always change in the end.

It's the summer before our last year at school and I've never felt so alone, Ron is going out with Hermione and Ginny is with Harry now which is great I'm really happy for them all even though Hermione, Ginny and I have had our difficulties, they sometimes seem to think I'm not quite trustworthy. I think they believe that the boys spend too much money on me, which they do, and give me too much attention which I can't do anything about. But it means that they have been too pre occupied to write or invite me to stay and my pride won't allow me to ask them. To make matters worse I am stuck here at the orphanage and there's a new boy who's staying in a room down the corridor he's nearly 18 so it's only temporary but he's mean and he seems to have taken quite a shine to me. When I say mean, I don't mean Draco Malfoy mean (because although I've never told anyone this I don't really think Draco is a bad person at all I think he's actually kind of beautiful, just messed up by his stupid family, and he wouldn't be the first). No I mean this guy is like scary, violent, rape and beat you kind of mean. And that's exactly the problem. I've been alone all summer avoiding him but things have caught up with me. For weeks he has been trying to touch me at meals grabbing me under the table and whispering what he will do to me if I tell anyone. I can't use magic to get him away or I'll be stuck here forever because I'll be expelled, I have no-one to tell so what was I supposed to do. I've been locking my door at night but tonight I must have forgotten to do it quickly enough and before I could do anything it's too late he is in my room standing in front of me.


	2. Chapter 2

I gulp fear coursing through my body, this is ridiculous I have stood and fought Voldemort the most evil man on earth mind you I had a wand then, I had friends there with me then. He approaches me and I suddenly realise there is nothing I can do to stop this happening, I fight and I fight hard but he is too strong and my head is smashed so hard into the bed post and then the floor that I lose focus and can do nothing to stop him. Now I'm lying here, shaking, cold, beaten, bleeding and violated and I don't know where to go. After a few minutes I realise that this will happen again if I don't get out. I get up slowly and painfully. Pack my things grab my wand and sneak out. After summoning the knight bus I once again struggle to work out what I'm going to do. Some hours later I find myself outside the Burrow, I'm not even sure how I got here but I'm glad I did, and terrified at the same time. I still haven't cried, I'm in too much shock to feel anything even the pain, although pain is beginning to seep back through my body as the adrenalin wears off and I approach the Burrow's door pushing it open before I chicken out.

"JJ, Jesus what the fuck happened to you?" George says walking towards me as I stand in the doorway where I have found myself interrupting their dinner.

"I… I…" my head is beginning to throb as my eyes lose focus and I suddenly realise that they will probably send me back there.

"Sweetheart tell us what happened?" Mrs Weasley says gently walking towards me

"I… please don't make me go back there, please I can't he'll… please," I gasp in a rush before collapsing to a heap on the floor.

Waking up I can feel a pounding in my head and a rush of movement around me as I open my eyes blearily.

"Hey sweetie," I look up and see Mrs Weasley cleaning blood from my face and head with a damp towel as a bandage wraps itself round my arm. I can see the others all there, Ron and Harry and the girls looking guilty and I feel a rush of anger towards them, I struggle to sit up and then to stand, my body shaking dangerously as I do so. I know it's a bad idea, but I don't know what to feel about anything anymore, my entire world has just been turned upside down and they didn't care.

"What are you doing JJ?" Ron asks stepping forward slightly.

"I shouldn't have come I'm sorry, I didn't want to ruin everyone's fun," I say a hint of bitterness in my voice, that surprises me.

"Don't be stupid JJ," Ron replies taking another step forward as Mrs Weasley, Fred and George step back with the others leaving my four best friends in front sensing it was our conversation. I can't help but feel slightly rude for suddenly dragging an argument into the whole families gathering but I don't give myself time to register that they're all there before carrying on.

"Me, be stupid, oh right okay I'll add that to the list, I'll be off now," I know I'm not making sense but I begin to move to the door all the same, wincing and gasping as the pain pulses through me.

"JJ come on we want you here," Harry says he looks distraught but I can't bring myself to care.

"You want me here, oh okay so all the letters you wrote me this summer all the invites got lost in the post then, how could you?" I ask tears finally stinging in my eyes.

"It was one summer JJ come on, don't be so dramatic, it's not like you missed out on anything," Hermione scolds

"I thought you would have understood," I say turning back to Harry, ignoring Hermione's comments.

"Oh come on, you are being so over dramatic don't be jealous just because we have relationships and you don't, look at yourself you're beautiful you will find someone. And so you didn't have fun this summer we still have all year," Ginny pipes up both boys are gaping a little at the other two girls as the tears start freely pouring down my face.

"You're right I'm just so over dramatic," I gasp taking a shuddering breath unable to stop the tears even if I had wanted to, wincing again as the gasping and crying pulls at my bruised ribs, "I really should learn to reign that in, I've just had so much time to practice sitting alone in my room at the orphanage I have such good role models there you know," I can see the looks of shock on everyone's faces but can't stop what I have started it's been pent up for so long it's like the dam has broken and there is nothing that can stop the outpouring of words and emotions. "And speaking of boys oh well there was this very handsome new boy there too, just down the hall from me and he liked me too. So much that he decided that the best way to show it was to beat me up and then rape me. It's been such a good summer you're right I didn't miss out at all," I finish almost retching as I say the words and can see the colour draining from their faces as I turn to walk away before turning back again, "you never cared did you? I thought I was your friend all I ever did was try and be the best friend I could, you were the first people other than Dumbledore and Hagrid to ever be nice to me in my life and I loved you like family because of it but I can see now that you never really wanted me, four is a much neater number why have a great lumbering fat idiot like me with you"

Now I've been told before that I have an extraordinary amount of power but I never believed anyone, and when I say anyone I mean Dumbledore because he is the one that told me that, but as the years of hurt and rage and humiliation and fear hit me, consume me and pulse outwardly from me I begin to shake even more violently and I can see their figures, all of the Weasley's and Harry and Hermione moving towards me but I can't hear them. Suddenly we are all engulfed in a bright purple light and opening my eyes can see that we are all standing in my room at the orphanage, I am breathing heavily, and can see them looking shocked and horrified, transfixed and unable to move as the guy approaches my figure on the other side of the room.

"What do you want?" I hear myself ask in a shaky voice, I can't look away, I can't believe that only hours after it happened I am here again watching it happen again, it's like some sort of horrible nightmare. Maybe this is what hell is, reliving your greatest fear and nightmare over and over again.

"You know what I want whore," he growls making a grab for me,

"Get away from me," I scream out making a run for the door, but he gets there first locking it quickly and then throwing me across the room to the ground where I lay gasping for breath,

"No one is coming, no one will save you," he snarls as he pulls me up and grabs at my breasts and top,

"Get off me! Help!" I scream, I cringe as I hear the desperation in my own voice,

"I've told you whore no one cares, they left you here to rot, I'm doing you a favour you want this," he grabs me by the throat as he says this before grabbing at my clothes again, I can see that I am crying now and I try to fight back as he chokes the air out of me. Finally my foot connects with his groin and he drops me with a yell, "You'll pay for that bitch!"

"Get away from me," I say trying to sound angry, but I can hear the fear, he launches himself at me and I punch and kick at him, it's only now as I watch it happening that I can see the damage he is doing, my nose is already bleeding and somehow he has cut my arm and punched me several times in the stomach. Then he grabs my head and smashes it against the bed post, I can hear the crack of my skull against the wood. Three times he repeats the action before he drops me to the floor where I try to turn over and crawl to the door. He laughs a cruel sound as he kicks me onto my back and rips my clothes off lowering himself on top of me. I am still fighting with him but he bats my arms away holding them in a vice like grip in one hand, as he bites me viciously. It is over in a matter of minutes and he gets up leaving me there as he dresses himself.

"You're a whore and an ugly bitch and no one will ever want to touch you, I did you a favour," he says as he spits at me before walking out leaving me half-conscious on the floor. A flash of purple light and we are all back in the living room of the Burrow. The silence is suffocating as they stare at me open mouthed for what seems like forever.

"How did you…"

"Was that…"

"I think I'm going to be sick,"

"Oh God," they all start at once, but I am just as shocked as they are I have no idea how I just did that and watching it all over again is causing my whole head to hurt with trying to block it out.

"They were right, I'm dangerous. I should never have come," I whisper eventually and with that I turn again and try to leave. I manage to get to the gate at the front garden before collapsing to the ground sobbing uncontrollably fighting with the arms that have embraced me and then too exhausted just crying into Fred's chest as he holds me to him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I repeat over and over as he rocks me gently.

"Shh, just let it out," he whispers stroking my hair gently, I can feel Georges hand on my back almost patting me as I eventually begin to calm down my sobbing becoming hiccups and sniffs.

"I'm sorry," I whisper again eventually,

"Stop saying that," Fred demands and that makes me start crying again,

"JJ, as far as we are concerned you are our sister and we will find a way to help you through this, you always have a place with us," George says and I cry harder.

Once I have completely exhausted myself I let Fred and George carry me back into the house and I sit in the kitchen with them, listening to Mrs Weasley screaming at the others.

"How could you say those things Ginny, did I not raise you better?"

"I'm sorry mum but how was I to know what had happened?" came a meek reply.

"What does that matter, that girl has been through enough and she has never been anything but loyal to any of you. Ever. Not one invite what must she have thought, Harry surely you could understand what that feels like. I just don't know what to say to any of you, you've disappointed me so much, and what you said… what she showed us…"

"How did she mum?"

"I don't know,"

"But is she right is she dangerous?"

"She is not dangerous to any of us, she is our family, she is scared and in so much pain, can you even begin to imagine what she is going through right now, just watching… I'm just so ashamed of the way you have behaved tonight," she sighs as she walks into the kitchen and seeing me she smiles and bustles around fixing me some dinner, even though I'm not sure I can eat.

When the other four walk in they look so guilty and meek that I suddenly want to cry again. How could I be so mean to my friends after everything they have done for me, it's not their fault this happened.

"I'm sorry," I stutter suddenly my voice hoarse from crying making everyone jump. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to shout or blame you… or do any of that stuff, please don't hate me and I'm sorry I ruined your summer I should never have come and burdened you all with it."

"JJ, please don't do that, it's us that should be sorry, we were selfish to only think of ourselves this summer, just let us support you through this and be real friends for once," Hermione says embracing me gently.

Later that night it is decided that I will spend the rest of the summer – all of three days at the Burrow and I will not be going back to the orphanage, ever, a fact which lifts a weight from my shoulders. Needless to say the last three days of my summer got a lot better, even though no-one will talk about what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been three weeks, we're back at school and life is back to normal, the physical wounds are all but healed now, hidden from the moment I got back with the help of Hermione's glamour charms. No-one has been told not even the teachers except Dumbledore, I didn't want anyone to know and I feel ashamed and dirty still, I think I probably always will.

I spend a lot of time alone, not that it's hard to be alone the others like to be wrapped up in each other which is really sweet and it means I can be alone with my thoughts, I also think they are a bit scared of me, not Harry and Ron so much but the girls they don't like what I did. Heck I don't like what I did, it terrifies me, but it terrifies them more. I hate that they know what happened to me, they look at me differently, I look at myself differently, the worst thing is that they've seen it, I've had to see it happen to me, I feel sick every time I think about it. I jump at my own shadow, I hate being touched and the thought of ever letting anyone near me in an intimate way terrifies me, he has ruined me.

One night I am wandering along the fifth floor corridors when I stop to watch an owl swoop across the quidditch pitch. I sigh as I think about all the careless, carefree things people enjoy and wish that I could be that way again. A noise behind me makes me jump and I spin around wand out and my hand shaking as the figure approaches.

"Draco, what are you doing here?" I ask when he steps out of the shadows.

"Patrolling, it's my duty, you?" he sneers giving me an odd look and I cringe as I realise that I have accidentally used his first name, he's not supposed to know I don't hate him, that I secretly think about him and in my head always use his first name.

"Nothing," I mutter making to walk away when he stops me, I flinch at his touch and jump backwards into the wall trying to stop myself from panicking, willing myself to have been right about him.

"What's wrong?" he asks looking concerned,

"Nothing, I'm… I'm fine," I stutter not daring to look him in the eye.

"No you're not," he peers at me curiously, taking in my features and making me nervous, "you really are incredibly beautiful you know that?" he asks and I gape at him open mouthed in shock.

He steps away suddenly so that I can move and I walk away my hand on the wall to brace myself as I feel rather shaky, I turn back expecting to see him smirking after me, but I don't he's looking at me but I can't read his expression at all, it's like he doesn't know what to think about what he just said either. I get back to the common room and head to my dorm, Ginny has put a plate of food beside my bed, I know they're worried about me not eating since I announced that I was fat to them that night, something they all noticed in my time at the Burrow but honestly I can barely stand to eat anything anymore. I don't even know why, but it just won't stay down, so I only manage a few mouthfuls a day and I can see the worried looks on their faces at my diminishing size but they don't say anything.

That's not true, I do know why, and it's nothing to do with me thinking I am fat, it's because every time I look at food I am reminded of him touching me at meal times the things he said the way no one else ever noticed or did anything, that's why, but I don't want to think about it so I pretend not to know. I pretend nothing matters, that I am fine, I've got quite good at it recently too, pretending I mean.

A few days later I get up early without being noticed and head down to the great hall, I hover by the doorway for a minute or two before deciding that I can't stomach anything that morning, but could pretend I had to the others and I head out the doors and down the pitch I used to love so much. Sitting in the stands I shiver in the cold wind but I don't have a coat with me or my outside robes or cloak on.

"Here," says a voice making me jump violently and spin round almost toppling over as the owner of the voice drapes a warm, heavy cloak over my shoulders.

"Oh, it's you," I squeak, staring at Draco for a while before sitting down again, he sits next to me and we just sit in silence for a while, "Thanks," I mutter after a while,

"S'ok," he replies

"What are you doing out here?" I ask unable to stop myself.

"It's my favourite place, I come here to think, to get away from it all you know,"

"Yeah I know," I sigh and then smile slightly up at him, "Who knew we'd have something in common,"

"I always hoped," he almost whispers and I stare at him in shock the expression mirrored on his face almost as if he didn't mean to say that out loud. "I'm sorry, I should go," he says standing up.

"Wait, please… please don't go," I say grabbing his arm as he tries to walk away and he turns back to me before eventually conceding and sitting by my side once more. Again we sit in silence but this time I have a thousand questions burning in my throat until eventually I turn to him and say.

"What did you mean?"

"Huh?"

"What did you mean, you always hoped?" I ask again

"It's nothing, honestly forget it, I shouldn't have said anything, I was stupid it would never work, just look at who we are, who I am, who I have to be." He says all this so fast that I almost can't keep up with him, he suddenly puts his head in his hands and groans audibly shaking slightly.

"I don't think it's stupid at all," I say quietly making him look up, and I stare into his almost silvery grey eyes and am almost lost for a minute.

"What?" he says shakily.

"I don't think it's stupid at all," I repeat "I've always thought, I mean hoped that you weren't the person that you made out you were in front of others, that you were gentle and kind, that…" I trail off not knowing if I was saying too much as he continued to stare at me.

"You're a Gryffindor," he states

"You are a Slytherin" I say back.

"You are friends with Potter,"

"Your father is a death eater,"

"Then you know that I must become one too," he says sadly hanging his head,

"No, you don't have to do anything that you don't want," he looks up at me startled.

"That's easy for you to say you…"

"Don't have anyone, because they're all dead! True it does make it easier," I smile at the look of self-loathing that crosses his face as soon as he says the words to me.

"It's hopeless I'm not strong enough,"

"Yes you are, you're the strongest person I know"

"You barely know me,"

"But I've watched you and I've seen you struggle, I've watched the way your father treats you the way others treat you, the way Harry treats you, and you act like it doesn't mean anything, you hold your head high that's stronger than anything I have ever seen,"

"I… but… I…" he stutters looking at me for a while, "What happened to you over the summer you're different now?" he asks suddenly and I jump up, knowing that I want to tell him but that I can't at the same time.

"I have to go, I'm sorry," I say as I run back towards the castle leaving him gaping after me, I hear him call my name and everything in me wants to go back to him to let it out, to explain what's going on in my head, but I know that if I do that then he will never want to come near me again. Getting back to my dorm I fling myself on my bed and start to cry for the first time since the night it happened, I really cry about what happened to me and how it has ruined my life and then feel instantly guilty as I think about what Harry and Draco are going through with their lives.

"JJ, are you okay?" Hermione says tentatively

"I'm fine, sorry did I wake you," I sniff sitting up

"Whose is this?" she says admiring the expensive cloak.

"Oh it's… erm… its Draco's" I say quietly,

"What, is he the one that made you cry, I'll kill the little bastard,"

"No, no Herms it's not like that, he… he wrapped it around me because I was cold, we were talking that's all,"

"That's all!" She explodes at me bringing half the common room up to listen, "You were talking to him, he's the enemy have you any idea what he could have done,"

"It's not like that he's not like that, I like him," I stutter defiantly

"You. Like. Him? Jesus fucking Christ JJ why don't you just jump into bed with Voldemort, it's about as bad, just because he's good looking,"

"What. That's got nothing to do with it?" I start looking angry

"Well you could have fooled me,"

"Whoa, whoa what's going on in here?" Ron says as he enters the room,

"She's what's going on," Ginny screams from her bed where she had been listening and growing angrier by the second, "She's been fucking Malfoy,"

"I have not," I shout my face reddening under the stares of everyone else.

"Oh give us a break, after everything Harry has done for you and you jump into bed with the nearest hot piece of arse, he's fathers a fucking death eater, I bet he is too, maybe you are too, I bet you made that whole rape story up over the summer to spy on us," she finishes breathing hard and I gasp as I realise that she has just told everyone that I had been raped. Everyone is staring at me and whispering as my face flushes and my eyes fill with tears,

"Gin, you know she didn't make it up we saw…" Ron starts flushing red himself as he stops mid sentence,

"You saw!" Lavender squeals, "How could you see… why didn't you stop it," the noise is increasing again and I feel sick,

"It's not like that," Harry says stepping forward and silencing them, "She has power… transported us back to the moment somehow we all saw," he finishes and my breath catches in my throat as they all look at me in fear as well as shock backing away from me slightly.

I just manage to push through everyone and get down to the common room and then out into the corridor before the second wave hits me. I'm bent double gasping for breath panic, fear and sickness running through me when someone pushes me hard from behind sending me sprawling across the floor. Then a foot connects with my stomach and another with my head, I can feel the warm blood trickling down my face but manage to get up and run. A hand grabs me and pulls me back throwing me against the wall,

"How could you do that to Harry," Ginny sneers in my face, I shake my head in disbelief that she could do this to me before wrenching myself away from her and running.

Getting to the quidditch pitch I find a place under the stands and crawl into a ball, rocking and crying my anguish so strong that I can feel physical pain. A light engulfs me, a yellow light and it hurts but I can't control it I can feel the fear coursing through my veins as all the terrible things that have happened to me are played out like scenes on a stage by shadowy figures in the yellow light. Exhaustion is claiming me, my blood feels thick as it pumps through me and my eyes are heavy, every part of me hurts. It's cold and I can feel the cold seeping into my bones even through Draco's cloak the blood dripping from my head is covering the cloak and my clothes but I don't care.

"Sir, sir I've found her, she's under here," I can hear the voice and it sounds familiar but I can't place it, and I give up trying as the darkness claims me.


	4. Chapter 4

"Draco," I say opening my eyes and discovering that I am in the hospital wing and that he is there watching me.

"Shh, I'm here it's okay,"

"I ruined your cloak, I think it has blood on it," I whimper not really knowing what else to say.

"It's okay, don't worry just rest now," he whispers back to me whilst smiling gently, I really don't understand what is going on here.

"But I ruined everything, everyone hates me, and Ginny, she told everyone…" I let out a small sob as I remember, feeling my face flush with the humiliation.

"So it's true?" he says tensely and I can see tears in his eyes as I nod my response. "And the other thing?" I nod again unable to lie to him or look at him as I feel him tense further beside me, every muscle in his body rigid.

"I'm sorry, I know I should have said, but I knew that if you found out you wouldn't want…"

"Want what?"

"Want anything to do with me,"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you hate me, I just hoped that maybe, I'm sorry, you should probably go like everyone else, I'm dangerous," I stutter again.

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for and I'm not going anywhere, you're not dangerous, powerful maybe, but not dangerous," he whispers stroking my hair back from my forehead and kissing it gently.

"Why are you being so nice to me, don't you hate me? Aren't you scared of what I might do? I can't control it you know," I am very confused now and am beginning to wonder if this is all a dream maybe I'm still unconscious.

"Why would I hate you? You just made me see that it was time to stand up and be counted, I didn't like the person I was pretending to be, and you gave me the strength to just be me. You are the only person who could see the real me," I smile at him as he smiles back.

"I'm not sure how I did any of that," I say quietly,

"You never judged me because of my father," he replies and I stare at him for a while in shock,

"Why would I judge you because of what he has done?"

"Everyone does. My father is a death eater and therefore so am I. My father is a sadistic and cruel man and there fore so am I. My father hates anyone who isn't pureblood and therefore so do I. Everyone is scared of my father and loathe him in equal parts and therefore so do they me," he is breathing hard when he finishes and not able to look me in the eye.

"Your father is all of those things but that doesn't have any bearing on how I see you Draco. I hated you… I wanted to hate you for the things you did, I always suspected that you didn't mean half of the things you said and did but I would be a hypocrite to judge you based purely on your upbringing, I mean I don't want to be judged based on the fact that I am an orphan," I say gently and he smiles.

"And that is why you are different, like I said you were the only one who saw the real me, saw through the image I was forced to adopt to everyone only you made me see that I didn't have to do that anymore because those few minutes I spent with you were the most relaxed I have ever been because I was just being me and I don't want to give that up,"

"What are you saying?" I ask as his hand once again finds mine and his fingers grip mine tightly.

"I'm letting the world know that I am against my father, against the dark lord and against all of it," he says after a while and my breath rattles in my lungs at my sharp intake of breath.

"Draco you can't. It's too dangerous, what if they come after you?" I whisper and he smiles slightly.

"I've spoken to Dumbledore already and he has arranged for a safe house for me to stay in when I am not here and we have to face the fact that the war is coming either way and I think I may be safer on the right side, the side you're on," he smiles and I feel myself blush as he leans closer staring into my eyes.

"So you'll stay with me?" I ask nervously after an age suddenly needing someone on my side, needing him to believe in me, to want me not just the right side but me!

"Forever," he breaths as his lips brush mine and I forget everything else. The world implodes behind my eyelids as his lips mould themselves to mine and it is like everything was in black and white before this moment and now I am seeing everything in the most beautiful technicolour. I am gasping for breath when we break apart.

"That was…" I start not knowing what I am saying or how I am even forming words to be honest, I feel a little like my brain has just short-circuited.

"Yeah," he agrees dazedly with a sloppy grin on his face that makes me want to laugh.

A week later and I am ready to go back to school, I am shaking as I get ready for breakfast in the hospital wing and only the thought of Draco keeps me walking as I head down the stairs and through the doors to the great hall, back to a reality I had been thankfully sheltered from up until now. I knew it was going to bad because even though Draco had tried to protect me from it, I heard some of the whispers from students coming to and from the hospital wing and none of my friends had been to see me so I knew they all hated me still.

A hush immediately descends upon the hall as I walk in and then everyone starts to whisper as I walk towards the Gryffindor table and grab a seat near the end pretending to put things on my plate to eat. I have already lost nearly three stone I don't want people to start saying that I am anorexic too.

"What are you doing here traitor?" someone snarls at me, I ignore them though the sting of their words makes me flinch.

"Oi, whore, you're not welcome here," someone else whispers

"Did you really get raped?"

"I heard he beat her half to death, she still has the scars,"

"I heard she always got molested in that place they made her live,"

"Well I heard her parents killed themselves when they saw how ugly she was,"

I cover my face with my hands and try to block out the sounds of what they are saying each thing worse than the last, my heart is beating so fast in my chest that I think I might throw up, I am shaking uncontrollably and I can feel myself losing control and the talking gets louder as light begins to glow around me, a dark purple light and it's getting stronger zapping away my energy but I can't control it and then another hush falls on the grand hall as two strong arms embrace me, pulling me up and turning me round so that my face is buried in his chest. Suddenly the pressure in my head is receding and I can see the light dimming until it disappears, he can control it, even if I can't, having him near me helps me control whatever is wrong with me.

"Malfoy, you blood traitor,"

"How could you?"

"What are they thinking?"

"Has he cursed her?"

"Has she turned dark?"

"STOP!" bellowed Malfoy and everyone went silent looking at him, waiting for an explanation, I chance a glance up and can see them all gaping in silence. "If you must know I don't care what any of you think or believe about me, I am no longer on speaking terms with my father I am not a dark wizard and will never be one, I hate everything they stand for but it wasn't until one very brave and strong, and beautiful girl showed me that I could be who I wanted not what others wanted of me that I had the strength to stand up and say it. So listen up, I am in love with JJ Heely and if anyone lays a finger on her they will have me to answer to," he is breathing heavily and his face has a pinkish tinge to it's beautiful pale when he finishes, I look around and see a load of still gaping faces, a deathly silence hanging over the hall, and then I see them the four of them my best friends, looking guilty and yet still not saying anything I feel my heart break a little as lock eyes with them before Draco leads me away, my heart beating so hard and fast that I can feel myself still shaking violently.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks are exhausting, the insults have stopped because everyone is scared that either Draco or myself or Voldemort will kill them if they do. Still, no one will talk to me, a few times it has been as though they wanted to, but they never have. Even the other Weasley's hate me, I received a very hurtful letter from the rest of the family asking why I had betrayed them after they had taken me in, they said it was like Percy all over again, that really hurt. I lay in bed every night and cry myself to sleep, if it wasn't for Draco I would probably have killed myself. I'm not even being dramatic, I found myself on the edge of the astronomy tower a couple of weeks ago and it was only Draco's face that kept me from jumping, I have nothing else, no-one else.

Then one cold day in November it happens. The first attack. His army descend on us and we are fighting so hard all of us there even the order. Bodies are scattered all over the floor, rubble, blood the screams and terror surrounding us and it feels like it lasts forever. Then a cease fire is suddenly and inexplicably called and we are cornered. I shuffle to the front alongside everyone who hadn't noticed I was there, he faced us, snake like features glaring, his death eaters surrounding him. My breath catches in my throat as he laughs a cold and empty sound that chills my bones and I can feel a strange humming ringing through my entire body, it keeps increasing until I can hear no-one but him and am only vaguely aware of what is going on around me, my entire body vibrating with some new energy.

"Draco come on, be a good boy join us," his father drawls,

"No, father I will not,"

"Don't be stupid boy," his father screams, his face becoming red as anger consumes him.

"I will not fight with you, but I will always stand against you, you ruined my childhood and made me believe things that weren't true. I know what it's like to have true, real love now and I won't give that up for anything in the world especially not your evil," Draco snarls back.

His father looks ready to snap and then without warning curses his son, Draco screams and falls to the floor writhing in agony, but managing to say "I still won't fight with you," before passing out. I want to run to him to help him but my body won't let me, fixed on Voldemort never blinking just shaking on the spot.

Voldemort steps forward a smile playing on his lips as he twirls his wand around "I only want one, I will only kill one but if you don't give him to me I will forced to take another in his place," no-one speaks, the only sound is the heavy breathing of battle weary men and women, boys and girls on both sides as we all wait. He shakes his head almost sadly, "it didn't have to come to this," he takes his aim and I know instinctively that he is going to kill Ron, I'm not sure how I know or why I think I know but the impulse to save him is so strong I can do nothing but obey it and so without thinking I scream out "NO," and jump in front of him.

A searing pain rips through my body from my chest outwards as I feel myself falling to the ground, the light that envelops me this time is red, a bright blood red, shadowing me until I feel the ground connect with my head, the stone is cold beneath me and the pain is pulsating through me I can hear screams and then cheers and crying. But why am I not dead.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry, please don't be dead please, oh fuck somebody do something," it's Ron's voice good his alive, I can feel them collapsing to the ground beside me, hear them crying, feel them grabbing me, which hurts like hell.

"Who's going to tell Malfoy?" a voice says quietly "he fought so bravely, and she sacrificed herself even though we shunned her,"

"The last thing I said to her was nasty, I haven't spoken to her in weeks, we all believed that she was betraying us but we were wrong,"

"We treated them both so badly,"

"It's us that betrayed her, we've always let her down," that's Harry's voice and I can tell he is crying.

I can hear a groaning and then movement as I hear his voice "Where is she?"

"Oh Draco, I'm so sorry," came a whimper before I felt him fall beside me screaming out in anguish pulling me to him making me gasp in pain.

"No, do something, bring her back, JJ come on baby you can't leave me, we've been through too much already, I need you JJ please," he is sobbing openly and I can feel a hushed silence around us as his sobs echo around the courtyard and he pulls me closer this time making me groan.

"Wait JJ... Did you?… Did she?… JJ?" his voice is rushed and breathless from crying, I can't speak but I can groan and I do, the pain is so intense, but why am I not dead? I don't remember much after that just bits and pieces, fragments of colour and voices.

When I do eventually wake up I can see a crowd of people at the end of the hospital ward but I can't see him, I can't feel him, "Draco," I murmur hoarsely, "Draco,"

"It's okay baby, I'm here" he says as he appears by my side stroking my hair and kissing me softly. Then suddenly I am surrounded by people.

"Ahh awake I see Miss Heely, well that is good news" Dumbledore says quietly. I look around at the faces all the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione all looking guilty, pleased and anxious.

"What… what happened?" I ask

"What do you remember?"

"Well I remember us all fighting, then being cornered, I remember, Draco being tortured and cursed and then I remember Voldemort asking for Harry. We didn't give him up and so he got ready to kill someone else and I just somehow knew it would be Ron so I jumped in front and then it hit me but I didn't die, I felt like I was dying, it hurt like I was dying but I didn't, why didn't I die?"

"Is there anything else?"

"I remember feeling strange, like my whole body was wired up to an electricity of some kind, I could feel it vibrating through me, and then a light, like the light that happens when I do things, I can't control it, I don't know why it happens to me. The light was red it covered me as his curse hit me, I could feel the ground, I could hear everything, but I couldn't move," I finish and realise that I am crying, "Why didn't I die?" I ask again in almost a whisper.

"Well the easy answer is that the same thing happened in a way as happened to Harry when he was a baby but because you are such a powerful little witch and hold so much selfless love inside you for those around you, you managed to deflect the curse. Quite remarkable really, extraordinary power, but more than that an extra ordinary amount of selfless love, you would quite willingly give yourself up to die in the place of those you love even if they have treated you badly, and to do that when until you were eleven you were never shown any form of love or loyalty or kindness well it leaves the question." He sighs.

"What question?" I ask trying not to blush from the way everyone is staring at me.

"Oh well now that's for another time," he smiles before turning to shuffle off.

"Wait," I call out weakly and he stops, "What about the light, why does it keep happening, why did I take them back to… why me?" I finish lamely and he looks at me for a long time.

"When you were born child you had an extraordinary amount of power, so strong that your body shut it away in order to keep you safe. You are what is known as a medium, a very rare kind of magic passed down from an ancient pureblood family line, you have the ability to see into the future, the present of others and the past and the ability to make others see and feel what you do. It is only now coming to light as you are finally old enough to cope with these gifts, they are untrained and therefore seem to show themselves at times of great stress. For some they never know they have the gift as their lives are carefree, unfortunately my child you have been through more than any person should already and I fear there is worse to come for you, be prepared, one day you will control these gifts and become one of the greatest witches in the world," he finishes and we are all silent and dumbstruck as he walks away. I get the feeling that he knows far more about my life and my powers than he is letting on too which is slightly frustrating to say the least.


	6. Chapter 6

I stare after him for a while stunned before being brought back to reality by Draco's grip on my hand tightening ever so slightly as Ron approaches the bed.

"Why?" he says tears spilling down his face as he struggles to comprehend it all.

"Because no matter what you said or did, you were still my best friend, you all still were, I was never angry at you just hurt, I could never let anything happen to you," I mutter.

"But we were so awful," Ginny cried

"Yeah you were, and I won't forgive you as easily as she does, I saw what you did to her, the scars, physical and emotional" Draco spits and I can feel his rage pouring through him as he stands beside me as if he is almost trying to stand in front of me and act as a shield.

"Draco, please it wasn't her fault, how would you feel if you felt some one was threatening me, she was just protecting Harry," I whisper.

"It doesn't matter, we were wrong, we should have never questioned you,"

"It's too late to worry about now," I say wincing as I try to move and letting out a small whimper of pain.

"Right that's enough for today," said Mrs W quickly "You need to rest dear we'll be back later," she gave me a quick kiss and then to my surprise and pure delight she did the same for Draco and everyone was so shocked they didn't move for a minute or two.

"Err thanks," said Draco blushing furiously.

"You were very brave today dear and no-one will question your loyalty again you will always have a friend in the Weasley's okay dear," he nods dumbly as she hustles the others out leaving the two of us alone.

"I love you so much," he sighs leaning down and kissing me gently his lips warm and dry against mine, his breath like oxygen to me as I breath him in.

"I love you too," I smile back at him, "Hold me," I say quietly and he gets onto the hospital bed with me, charming it to enlarge it slightly as he does so and wrapping his arms tightly around me until I feel safe and warm.

When I wake up the next morning it is with a jolt, my breathing heavy and laboured my body sweating and my vision blurring, visions of Harry and me and Voldemort are wavering in front of me, Draco is screaming for madam Pomfrey who rushes to my side trying to calm me. Eventually, after what feels like hours I am released by whatever power or vision was consuming me and I fall back onto my pillows gasping for air, I have a muggle type instrument clamped to my face to help me breath, Draco is by my side stroking my face and whispering to me, helping me calm down, then the doors crash open and Harry is brought in having apparently experienced the same thing worried looks are exchanged between everyone as this is discovered and I manage a rueful smile at Harry before slumping back, my head resting on Draco's shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" he asks gently stroking small circles across my back as he does.

"I'm fine, well as fine as I guess you're supposed to feel after nearly dying," I joke but the smile slips from my face when I see him wince. "Sorry," I mutter quietly and he kisses my head.

Later that night when both Harry and I have been released from the hospital wing, we are summoned to Dumbledore's office. When we get there I see that the rest of the order is there waiting and they smile warmly at us both.

"So what happened?" I ask seeing as no-one else seemed about to start talking anytime soon and I was starting to get uncomfortable with the silence surrounding us.

"I believe," starts Dumbledore, "That you shared a vision of the dark lord, I also believe that he now knows of the threat you pose to him Miss Heely, as you seem to have been granted the same gifts as Mr Potter here, when he cursed you, because of this he will be wanting to kill you," nothing like being blunt and to the point Dumbledore!

"Oh," I say quietly, aware that everyone is looking at me and I can't stand pity, "right, well okay then what do we do about it?" I say overly brightly.

"We prepare the best we can, you train with Mr Potter and we wait for him to make his move," I don't feel entirely comforted by this but I force myself to look relaxed and happy even though every nerve in my body still feels like it's on fire. After a while everyone begins to leave, "Miss Heely might I have a quick word before you head to bed?" I look at him and then to Harry.

"Harry can you tell Draco and the others I'll be down in a minute," I say and he nods before leaving.

"Miss Heely, I must I'm afraid give you a grave warning," he says seriously, well that doesn't sound good but I force myself to stand still and not look shocked. "There are dark times ahead of us, and I fear for you they may be darker than for even Harry, the path you have been given is not an easy one, there are going to be things that you discover that make it harder. It may appear that those you love most will leave you for dark, you must not follow. There are dark secrets in your past that will come to light also," I stare at him trying to take this all in.

"Are you saying that Draco will leave me and go back to his father?"

"Ahh, truly a brilliant little witch but alas I can say no more," he says sadly,

"It's not true I won't believe it, I won't," I say loudly tears stinging at the corners of my eyes.

"Goodbye Miss Heely, and I wish you luck, remember even if I am not here in the flesh I will still be here to guide you," I turn to leave stunned and upset and speechless. There was so much information to take in that my head was spinning, and horrible thoughts in my head that I tried to block out.

"JJ, baby, you okay?" asks a voice a little way in front of me, looking up I see him, his beautiful face, hair so blonde and perfect as always, slight shadow along his jawline where he hasn't shaved in a couple of days. I fling myself into his arms and hold him tightly breathing him in, scared that if I let him go he would disappear.

"He was wrong, I know he was," I mutter into his chest after a while,

"What? Who was wrong? What are you talking about?" he asks looking confused pulling me away slightly so that he can look into my face.

"Oh… nothing I'm just really tired, I was talking about the dream," I say not sure why I had just lied to him.

The next few weeks are hard. I am having nightmares every night and in my waking hours I'm trying to piece together what Dumbledore told me that night. I've been training really hard to control my powers and am beginning to get a grip on them, although it seems that in times of intense distress I will still lose control somewhat. To make things worse Draco has become distant, he is even paler than usual and eats less than I do, sitting with us quietly while we discuss things. I am so worried about him, but he won't talk to me about it, it's almost like he can't talk to me, but selfishly I focus on myself hoping that he'll pull himself out of it.

One night Dumbledore calls me to the astronomy tower and as I get there he apparates back with Harry ordering him to get Snape, I stand there shocked as I stare between the two of them, when we hear a noise he orders us to hide, Harry has his hand over my mouth as I see Draco appear disarming Dumbledore and then holding his wand to him. I can't believe my eyes this has to be a joke. We are hidden below them and I want to scream out, to run to him but Harry's grip is far too strong.

"I'm sorry professor, but I have to do this," he chokes and he sounds so broken my heart breaks, what the hell is going on?

"No you don't son," Dumbledore replies calmly, his voice quiet and saddened.

"Yes I do, LOOK!" he screams pulling up his sleeve to reveal the dark mark as I collapse back into Harry feeling sick, How? When? How could I not have known was he playing me the whole time?

"Why Draco?" Dumbledore says sadly.

"You don't understand, I had no choice, I had to, it was the only way to…" further noise and then a stream of death eaters enters the tower Snape in the lead.

"Just do it Draco," one of them coos, stroking his hair and kissing his neck, making him flinch and me retch, I watch as Draco tenses holding his wand in his shaking hand before lowering it slightly,

"Avada Kadava," Snape screams killing Dumbledore immediately. My body is so shocked I'm not sure what I'm doing, I'm completely numb inside and out. I can vaguely hear Harry next to me… behind me. I think I hear Ron and the girls too as I am running. I don't know how I started running but suddenly I am outside chasing them, screaming at Draco then my wand is out and I am hexing him. A bolt of purple light hits me and I am thrown to the ground, but I barely feel it. Getting up I scream at him again.

"How could you, I trusted you. I loved you," I cry out.

"You don't understand," he replies looking so desperate I almost want to believe him.

"I loved you, you betrayed me, you betrayed all of us,"

"It was the only way…"

"To what, get power?"

"No to…" but he is gone dragged away and I am on the floor, I can feel Ron's arms around me and my body is racked with guilt and anguish and grief and he holds me close but it doesn't feel the same, I can't feel anything.

I'm lying on my bed staring out of the window, staring at nothing. It's been eight days but still I can't function on anything, I know time is running out, I should be training I should be okay, but I'm not. I don't even pretend to try and eat now I just lay here and stare, I've run out of tears, I'm just empty.

"JJ, you need to eat something," Hermione says gently, I ignore her, I don't want to eat, I don't want to breathe I don't want to exist.

"JJ come on please," says Ginny now pushing a plate of toast towards me.

"No," I sigh,

"Harry, you try, she hasn't eaten or moved in days," I feel the bed move as he sits next to me putting a hand on my shoulder, I flinch,

"Don't," I say "I don't deserve it,"

"What are you talking about?" He asks quietly and I can feel his own tension and grief, hear it in his voice and a fresh wave of guilt washes over me.

"It's my fault, I should never have trusted him, I betrayed everyone and for nothing he played me, it's my fault Dumbledore is dead," I don't cry, there's nothing to cry about anymore, I'm empty.

"That's not true and you know it," Ron says sounding desperate, "he really loved you, I know he did, there's just something really weird about it, maybe he was under the imperious curse," he suggests to which I laugh bitterly and shake my head.

"No, he wasn't and no, he didn't, you all warned me I should have listened," as I say the words I'm not sure I believe them, it had felt so real but the bitterness courses through me and pain engulfs me as I shudder violently and turn to face them, "Okay lets go, I guess we have training to do," I mutter getting unsteadily to my feet and forcing down a mouthful of toast to appease them before throwing on my robes and walking towards the door. I almost smile as I look back and see their faces, full of concern and worry.

"Okay," Harry stammers after a second jumping up and walking towards me putting his arm around my shoulders as we head to the room of requirement for training.


	7. Chapter 7

Everyone is being so nice that it's hard to stay angry and bitter. So I've had my heart broken, I'm not the only girl that's ever happened to am I. I'm still not eating, I still lay awake most nights, partly because I don't want to have nightmares and visions of Voldemort and partly because I don't want to dream of Draco. But gradually I become more like my old self, I laugh more, I talk more and I join in more. One night when I am on patrol I walk around the corner of one of the towers and see Hermione sitting alone and crying.

"What's wrong Herms?" I say rushing to her side and embracing her,

"Oh, it's… me and Ron… we broke up," she stutters more tears leaking from her eyes as she says it.

"Oh no I'm… I'm so sorry Herms what happened?" I ask shocked that I had not noticed anything and scolding myself for being so self-absorbed.

"We drifted apart I guess," she sighs "When we first got together it was amazing, but over the last few months things have been harder and then he walked in on Dean kissing me and all hell broke loose,"

"You kissed Dean," I say trying my best to sound like a supportive friend and not judgemental.

"Yeah," she choked out over a fresh sob, "It wasn't planned I didn't mean it, we've just been growing closer and it just happened, he hit Dean and then I yelled at him about how I know he's in love with…" she trails off here looking awkward.

"Wait a minute Ron's in love with someone else?" I really am very confused now.

"Has been for a while now, I think I figured it out before he did, at first I was really angry at him and her, then she was with someone else so I thought it didn't matter, then I just tried to cling to him. Finally I realised that neither of us were happy and I went to talk to Dean about it, he told me how he felt about me and I was about to go and end things with Ron but he walked in just as Dean kissed me," she cries again and I hug her tightly soothing her as best I can as I take in all this new information and try to process it.

"So you know who it is that Ron likes?" I ask

"Yeah,"

"Do you think she likes him back?" I say trying not to sound like I'm too desperate to work out who it is, my mind automatically spins to Lavender.

"I honestly don't know, I think that she does, but I'm not sure if she knows that she does or not, I'm not sure if she's ready yet either,"

"Ready?" I ask clearly confused

She pulls away from me slightly and looks at me "It's you JJ, he's in love with you," she says gently, I blanche sitting back quickly against the wall and trying to catch my breath.

"I don't understand," I stutter, eventually, "I never… I didn't know… is that why?" I look at her my eyes suddenly filled with tears for the first time since the night Draco left, as everything falls into place.

"I know that now, you have to understand JJ, I'm so sorry," she begs as she lets out a fresh wave of sobs, "I didn't understand, he was the first guy I had loved and I thought you were trying to take him, I mean I knew you wouldn't but nothing in my head made sense and it made me say stupid things, I pushed you away and it's all my fault I pushed you to Draco," she stops and wails again throwing herself to the ground at the relief of letting it all out at last.

"No you didn't" I sigh gently after a while, reaching out a hand to touch her shoulder. "Everything that happened with Draco I brought on myself, and you know what I wouldn't change it, I hate what he has done to me, but when we were together it was so wonderful I felt so safe, I'd like to feel that again. I'm just not sure I can, at least I don't know," I laugh a little as I think of Ron but then think about his strong arms and comforting embrace and wonder if I will ever be able to see him as more than a friend.

"You, you don't blame me?" she asks after a while,

"No," I smile hugging her again and then turning my head to gaze out of the window, "who would have thought it is only just December, so much has happened already that it's hard to believe it's not even Christmas yet," she nods in response and we both sigh before heading back to the common room to face the wrath of Ron. I spend the next few days mediating between a very angry Ron and sheepish Hermione and Dean, while Harry and Ginny look on amused. It gives me strength having this new purpose and I feel happier somehow, I also feel like I truly have my friends back.

"Ron can I talk to you?" I ask catching up with him outside potions one day,

"Course you can," he says blushing slightly and not quite meeting my eye, he had been doing this a lot lately since he found out Hermione had told me how he felt.

"Erm… it's well you know it's Christmas coming up and everything, and well you're all going back to the Burrow and Harry is too because of Ginny and that and well… it's just that… well with Hermione not going…. I just thought…. That maybe because I… well I just…. Oh I just… please can I come too I promise to give your mum money for food and housekeeping and that I just really don't want to be left here alone not when I'm just getting better, please." I finish breathless and embarrassed, my face burning and look at him as he stares at me a funny lop sided grin on his face that's makes my tummy flip, which is weird but I don't have time to think about that now.

"Of course you can come, as if we were going to leave you alone here, mums already made the arrangements with school," he smiles and then gasps slightly as I jump suddenly into his arms,

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you," I cry kissing him on the cheek before running off to my next lesson leaving him standing red faced and bewildered looking in the corridor.

"Herms can I have a quick word?" I ask her later as we are packing our things for the Christmas holidays,

"Yeah what's up," She says sitting cross legged on her bed wrapping presents.

"I asked Ron if I could stay at the burrow for Christmas the other day,"

"Good, I'm glad you're not staying here alone,"

"It's just that when he said yes he had that smile on his face you know the lop sided one and it kind of, well it made my stomach flip, I don't understand," to my surprise she starts laughing suddenly and doesn't stop until I throw a pillow at her.

"Oh, I'm... I'm sorry," she manages through her giggles, "it just means you like him you idiot, you're starting to see him as more than a friend, I think this means you're moving on from… him," they had all learnt not to say Draco's name around me by now.

"Really," I say feeling quite confused by this "But are you okay with that, am I… does it mean that I won't think about him anymore?"

"You know sometimes I forget you never had anyone to talk to about anything like this," she sighs almost sadly as she moves across to my bed, and putting her arm around me, "Number one, I'm fine with it, you are two of my best friends and I couldn't be happier, I have Dean we are happy and Ron and I have moved on. Number two only you can decide if you're ready but don't rush things that wouldn't be fair on either of you, and number three, no you'll still think about him, you loved him and who knows what will happen in the future for any of us, all you have to think about is the here and now that's all we have," I look at her and realise how lucky I am to have her as a friend as I hug her back and we carry on packing.

Christmas goes by in a happy blur of presents, food and laughter, I even manage to eat three whole courses of Christmas day, although granted they were tiny platefuls but I saw it as a victory as did the others. A couple of days later after dinner when the family are sitting around in various rooms, talking and playing I wander out into the garden and watch the fields and breath in the air. Suddenly like a bolt of lightning a pain hits my chest burning outwards and making me almost cry out it hurts so much. I double over, my knees hitting the ground as I struggle to breathe, I can vaguely hear a commotion inside and guess that a similar pain is in Harry's head right now. Just as I feel like I will pass out or throw up my body shaking from the effort to not scream out a pair of arms gather me towards a warm and solid chest. "Ron," I manage to gasp, before the pain is gone and I breathe deeply trying to steady myself, eventually I relax into Ron's chest listening to the sound of his steadily beating heart letting it calm me.

"You okay?" he asks finally concern filling his voice

"Yeah just heart burn," I laugh trying to make light of the event, after a while I feel him pull away slightly and I shudder and pull him closer, "please don't go yet, just hold me a while," I say in almost a whisper and his grip on me tightens as I feel him nod and I relax again. "I'm sorry," I say after a while,

"For what?" he asks looking down at me as I twist slightly in his arms until I am sitting sideways between his sprawled legs looking back up at him.

"For… well everything really, I think I really like you I just don't know if I'm ready to be in love yet, I loved Draco so much that it nearly killed me when he left and I just don't know if I'm ready," I say truthfully.

"I understand, but you have to know that I would never leave you no matter what and I can wait for love you just need to know that I love you," he leans forward and kisses me softly and quickly before holding me tightly and then gathering me up, "Right ready to head back in, you're freezing," he says and I smile up at him as he helps me in.

"JJ did you…" Harry starts before I interrupt him,

"Yeah," I say, "Intense huh?" he looks pale and clammy and I can't help but wonder if I look that bad too.

"The worst it's ever been," he replies looking grim, everyone looks pretty grim to be fair and I decide that I need to lighten the mood just a bid.

"Oh well, he hasn't killed us yet, in fact I think he's the only person in history to have failed at a killing curse twice," I smirk and shocked faces around me start to grin too.

"Good to have you back JJ," George and Fred say in unison as they pat me gently on the back,

"Always had a soft spot for you those two," comes a slightly jealous whisper in my ear making me giggle and blush as I squeeze his hand gently. Suddenly I realise that I am still sitting holding hands with Ron and that he also has an arm around my back, I glance up and can see Harry and Ginny smiling broadly at us both and chancing a sideways glance I can see Ron blushing furiously as the whole family are silently applauding and Mrs Weasley is wiping her eyes as Mr Weasley smiles approvingly down on us. So this is what having a family was like.

Suddenly I feel laughter rising up inside me and I laugh out loud a real laugh for the first time in months as everyone else laughs with me, after what feels like hours and with tears rolling down my face, my sides and stomach aching from laughter I calm down. And we start to eat chocolate cake when I notice Ron staring at me intently.

"What?" I ask playfully, poking him with my fork

"You look so beautiful when you laugh, I almost forgot how beautiful you look when you're happy," he says quietly and I blush furiously as a hand is placed over mine,

"He's right you know," Harry says and Ginny nods her agreement. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes and turn to bury my head in Ron's neck wrapping my arms around his neck feeling like my heart is beating again for the first time since Draco left.

"I'm ready" I breathe into his ear, completely meaning it and at the same time ignoring the niggling worry in my chest. He answers me by way of gripping me tightly and kissing the top of my head.

"So you ready for bed?" he asks eventually pulling away from me and I notice that it is almost empty in the kitchen

"Can we just go and sit by the fire for a while?" I ask yawning and he nods leading me through to the living room and sitting down on the big comfy armchair pulling me down on top of him and covering us both in a rug from the back of the chair as I snuggle up against him feeling warm and safe.

"Why don't you want to go to bed baby?"

"Don't call me that," I say in a voice that I realise the second I hear it is too harsh as he pulls away from me slightly looking hurt, "I'm sorry, it's just that… he… used to call me that," I mutter tearfully,

"Oh, okay I'm sorry what about honey?" he suggests.

"Yeah, that's okay,"

"So why don't you want to go to bed honey?" he smiles stroking my hair back from my face and kissing my forehead.

"Because I'm scared, of the nightmares I'll have," I admit.

"I know, but he can't hurt you in a dream, I'll protect you I promise, you're safe to sleep," I nod and give him a weak smile in response I realise that it's probably for the best not to tell him that I'm just as worried of having dreams about Draco. That night I dream of Draco and Lord Voldemort, I dream that I am kidnapped, taken to a great castle like house somewhere and held in a dungeon. He is going to use me as bait and then kill us all, and then I see Draco he is standing there and trying to tell me something,

"I love you, I always did, I had to leave to protect you or they were going to kill us both," I hear him and turn to him staring in shock as he sinks to his knees in front of me "Please believe me,"

"I… I," I can't speak no words will come out and then a blinding flash of green and nothingness just screaming, a woman's scream. I sit up sweating and screaming and then double over with the pain in my chest and vomit all over the covers.

"It's okay, it's okay shhh" a wand is flicked and the sick is gone, I am shaking so much I feel like I'm going to fall out of bed as the door bursts open, "She woke up screaming, was sick everywhere I don't know what to do, stay with her while I get Ron and mum," the voice says as I can see a blurry Ginny streak past me,

"Hey JJ it's okay we're here, we're all here," George says soothingly sitting beside me on the bed I can't focus though the pain in my chest is so intense I can barely breathe at all I'm gasping for air so much that I can feel my head dizzying and everything going black as my body goes limp and I fall back against something hard.

"Honey, your awake are you okay?" I hear Ron's voice through the fog and slowly open my eyes, as he helps me sit I wince my chest aching and my body feeling generally weak.

"Harry," I whisper hoarsely

"Yeah I had the same dream," came an equally hoarse mutter from across the room, I shiver suddenly and Ron wraps himself and a blanket more tightly around me.

"Oh," I reply, "Do you think…"

"I think that it looks like the sort of thing he would do and so we can't be too careful," Harry says sombrely looking at me sadly for a second before looking away and holding Ginny's hand.

"What happened?" Mr Weasley asks, I ignore the question for a second though and look at Harry,

"If it does happen though, you know what you have to do? You can't come after me, you have to leave me," I say earnestly.

"What are you talking about, leave you where?" Ron sounds worried as he speaks,

"In the dream, JJ was kidnapped and used as bait, so that he could kill us all without too much of a fight," Harry says quietly,

"So you see, you have to leave me,"

"No, ridiculous as if we would leave you anywhere, besides it was just a dream,"

"Ron, you're not listening to me, you have to leave me or everyone will die," I plead turning to face him and holding his head in my hands despite the pain it causes me.

"But, I can't,"

"You and Harry and everyone else are more important than me, if it does happen you have to trust me to find my own way out," I say calmly despite the fear I can still feel coursing through my veins.

"Right everyone off to bed, we have a long day of packing and eating and playing tomorrow so you all need your sleep off you go come on, Ron come here please I need a quick word," Mrs Weasley suddenly says briskly.

Everyone shuffles out of the room except Harry and when Ron reluctantly leaves me to see his mum Harry approaches my bed and sits facing me.

"You saw?"

"Malfoy, yeah I saw," he replies

"Mrs Weasley is telling Ron that he mustn't try to find me," I say with a half-smile, "You have to make sure he doesn't promise me,"

"I promise," He says, "What about Malfoy?"

"What about him, he left me, I moved on," he raises his eyebrow at me,

"And if what he said in the dream is true?"

"Then there would have been other ways, he could have spoken to me about it he didn't, he chose to leave."

"You really think that?" I look down at my hands tears welling in my eyes,

"I don't know," I whisper, "How can I still love him if I love Ron?"

"I think… I think that sometimes it's possible to love two people at once, and right now I think it's important to just concentrate on what you have right here, right now"

"Thanks Harry," I mutter leaning forward to give him a hug a moment later Ron came back into the room looking angry and upset.

"See you in the morning," He said giving Ron's shoulder a squeeze on the way past.

"It's okay Ron, I promise I won't love you less for not coming to get me," he flinches as I say this but comes to the bed anyway and sitting down he wraps his arms around me and pulling me to him holds me tightly, I can feel his tears as they make the back of my neck damp, and I turn to him, "Please don't cry, let's just make the most of the time we do have, besides it might never happen," I say stroking his tears away gently and he smiles weakly back at me kissing me softly, I hold onto his face as he does but the kiss soon changes and becomes deeper, as he almost hungrily searches for entrance to my mouth like it's his last kiss, and I whimper quietly into his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he says as we break apart his forehead resting against mine, his eyes still closed,

"Nothing to be sorry for. Ron?"

"Yes,"

"Will you stay with me tonight, hold me?" I whisper into his chest,

"Forever," he whispers back, and I am caught with a sudden feeling of De Ja Vu. But shaking it off I settle back into his arms and close my eyes, his gentle breath on my neck eventually lulling me into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Three weeks later, we are back at Hogwarts, lessons are in full swing and the nightmares are intensifying with each night. I have made the girls promise not to say anything to Ron and I have made Harry promise not to mention the plans that have clearly been made to take me. The night I know is drawing nearer and in a strange way I am impatiently waiting for it to arrive, at first I think that this is because the strain of waiting is killing me, but then an odd thought strikes me. Maybe I want this to happen so I can see Draco again.

Late in March on the night of my 17th birthday while we are all celebrating there is an almighty explosion, I can hear people screaming all around me and from where I am crouching can see people moving around and then a feeling of intense calm comes over me and I find it impossible to move, I am gagged and tied by the flick of a wand and then shrouded in a cloak before I am stunned into unconsciousness.

Waking up I shiver and open my eyes, sitting up. I am chained like a dog around the wrists, ankles and neck and I am in a dungeon of some description, the ground is cold and made of stone and I shiver again realising that I am only wearing a strappy party dress and no shoes.

A movement in front of me makes me look up suddenly, and there he is Lord Voldemort standing before me Draco by his side Snape at his other side.

"Welcome Miss Heely, I hope you like your new home," he hisses at me

"They won't come for me, you may as well just kill me now," I spit back at him my voice sounding braver than I felt, a strange whimper is let out from Draco as I look at him and see tears spilling over his cheeks, I look away again, not ready to confront what is… was us.

"Ahh well we shall wait and see, even if they do not I could use a new play thing," he says coldly before spinning to leave "Come Severus leave Draco to talk his woman round," the two men leave and I am left alone with Draco, shaking and scared.

"Hey," he says weakly

"What do you want?" I ask bitterly

"To explain," he says

"What's to explain, I thought you loved me, you tricked me, you broke my heart and you left, the end you win now leave me alone,"

"Please, don't say that," he gasps falling to his knees as if the air has been knocked out of him. "I did it to protect you,"

"From what exactly I'm still here aren't I?" the bitterness is still in my voice, every fibre of my being wants to forgive him, to hold him, forget any of this happened. But the memory of the pain he caused is still too fresh and I feel inexplicably guilty about my feelings towards Ron and our relationship.

"The dark lord came to me, he tracked me down and told me that if I did not join him then he would kill you I didn't know what else to do,"

"How about talk to me, he was always going to kill me anyway Draco you know that, surely you knew that? You just made it easier for him,"

"He was going to do things to you, I couldn't let it happen I had to save you,"

"Save me, don't make me laugh you broke me," and I watch him wince again at this.

"He made me watch"

"What?"

"He made me watch what he was going to do to you, he put the images in my mind, for weeks I couldn't get your screams out of my head, you were screaming for me to save you to help you,"

"But why didn't you speak to me?" I whisper in shock at his revelations.

"I… I couldn't he had me under the imperious by the end, everything I did was controlled by him, and now I'm his slave, he doesn't care that I'm telling you this because it makes no difference, he will kill me in the end anyway," his head drops as his tears fall more heavily. Ron was right, I almost laugh as I think back to before I got with him if only I had believed Ron, listened to Dumbledore, this was all my fault.

"I… I," I try to speak but I can't I don't know what to say to him, my heart wants so desperately to forgive him, my body wants to touch him but I can't.

"It's okay I know about Ron, I'm glad that you found someone who loves you, I know that he loves you just as much as I do," I stare at him not knowing what to say for a while, "So when are they coming we need to prepare for battle, I need to find a way to get you safe,"

"They're not," I say quietly,

"What?"

"I knew this would happen Me and Harry, we dreamt it and I made them promise not to come for me, they won't come they know there's too much at risk if they do," I almost sigh as I realise this is the place in which I was probably going to die, and I hadn't even kissed Ron goodbye, or hugged Harry or forgiven Draco.

"Then we have to think of another way to get you safe,"

"No, if you do he will know and he will kill you,"

"Then at least I will have proven my love to you one last time and can leave you to live happily with Ron,"

"No, I can't live with that sorry, I forgive you, I don't know how to feel about you right now, but I forgive you and if we can start as friends then maybe that will help," I say smiling weakly at him. My body is trembling with emotion and I suddenly feel it numbing and tingling as an orange glow appears around me.

"No," he yelps jumping forward and holding me tightly, my body moulding to his so perfectly it hurts, "he doesn't know, you can't let him know what you can do JJ," he whispers urgently in my ear, but the glowing is still there,

"I can't control it," I manage to gasp out,

"Yes you can, be strong JJ. Focus on my voice, listen to me it will be okay, I'm right here, just listen to my voice and command it to recede," he whispers stroking my hair as he feels me relax against him and we are once again plunged into almost complete darkness. He doesn't let go just continues to hold me, like he knows that this is the last chance he will get to do it and I hold him just as tightly.

Ten days later and Voldemort is getting restless, he has by now realised that no-one is coming for me and whilst they have all had fun beating me and torturing me with the crutiatious curse and many other methods including using a knife to cut me and watch to see if my blood came out dirty, they are bored. I have managed to hide my other magic so far, every time I can feel it building in me I search out Draco's face and he somehow manages to calm me. I think being there to help me with this has helped him keep control too. Twice he has rushed forward to try and stop them and he was cursed both times, the second time I thought he would die and I felt myself slip a glow dimly building around me until he reached out and grabbed my fingers and looked me dead in the eye I managed to stop it. Plans change and they launch their attack on the castle leaving me chained in the dungeon to die. I feel Harry die and re awaken and I feel Voldemort realise what has happened and with all my strength realise that I need to be there to let him kill me so that he will finally be mortal and defeated. I know that otherwise I will be kept as a pet in the dungeon forever and I would rather die.

So concentrating harder than I ever have before I disapparate and find myself outside the castle doors, seeing him I walk towards him dragging my chains only momentarily noticing the stunned expressions on my friends faces and Draco lying still on the ground he looks up and is momentarily shocked, I know that he has figured out something when all the fighting seems to die around us and everybody from both sides is standing and staring in silence at us.

"Now how did you do that?" he asks quietly, the hiss never leaving his voice, I glance down and see Harry lying on the ground by the feet of the others crouched round him they must all think he is dead still I realise in shock.

"I needed to be here," is all I manage my voice weak and hoarse, I try my best not to look at any of my friends,

"But no-one can apparate into Hogwarts, or out of Malfoy manor for that matter," he says again, an intake of breath is heard from one of the death eaters and before anyone can move Voldemort shoots a killing curse at the man and Lucius Malfoy was dead, screaming Narcissa launches herself at him and she is killed too. People are gasping and trying not to move for fear of being killed too, I have seen too much death and torture for it to hurt much anymore, but the thought that Draco has just lost both parents… Draco, oh god he's still not moving.

"Did you kill Draco?" I ask almost breathless with fear,

"He's not dead yet," is the reply I get,

"I will kill you before I let you touch him," I say as strongly as I can,

"With what magic, you have no wand," he laughs viciously, and it snaps the tingling is so intense I feel like I am vibrating off the ground as a blood red light starts to glow around me enveloping my body and growing in strength I hear the cries of those around me, seeing this for the first time and I focus on his face hoping I have done enough to scare him into killing me it works, he takes aim and fires the death curse at me, I stop the light the second he starts speaking and I know it will hit me, I vaguely hear a scream of my name as I can feel my body being lifted into the air and then landing on the concrete with a sickening crunch. The pain I feel is almost a relief as I hear the screams of the dark lord when Harry defeats him moments later, the cheers, the sobs the movement.

Somebody on their knees beside me, sobbing uncontrollably, it's Ron, I am watching from above now as he cradles my head, screaming for me to wake up, Harry and Hermione and Ginny the order standing behind him and then Draco, I smile when I see he is alive.

"Get away from her traitor," Ron snarls pulling my body from him,

"I love her, I did everything for her, I tried to save her," Draco chokes through tears,

"Liar," Ron screams

"It's true mate," George says gently tears streaming down his own face, "We tested, used vertiserum, he was under the imperious, Voldemort threatened her life, he thought he was doing it to save her, he really did try to save her,"

"Get these chains off her," Ron screams in response and George flicks his wand vanishing the chains and revealing the ugly welts and sores that they have left.

"What happened to her," Hermione whispers hoarsely,

"I tried to help, I tried so hard to stop them," Draco chokes out holding my hand in his and I can feel his fingers on my hand as I float above them which makes me stare down at them.

"Please wake up JJ, I need you to wake up,"

"Why won't she wake up?" Ginny cries falling to her knees too as Harry looks on in a distant way, too shocked to respond much.

"She woke up last time, she survived last time,"

"Maybe it's… maybe no-one can…"

"But Harry you survived again, she can do it too right," Ron yells at him and Harry breaks crumbling to his knees head buried in my stomach as he weeps,"

"Please JJ, we need you," Hermione whispers,

There is silence for a while just the sounds of people crying and then a voice next to me "It's time to go back child,"

"Dumbledore?" I ask

"Yes my child, my brave, wonderful, beautiful child, you have fought so hard, but they still need you," I look back down at the scene and nod quietly before a rushing feeling drags me forward and like an electric shock my body shudders and I'm back in it taking a huge gulp of air like I've been trapped under water for several years.

"JJ?"

"Baby?"

"Honey?"

"Ouch," is all I can say my eyes fluttering briefly open to smile at them before I pass out again.

As I begin to become aware of my surroundings again I can feel that I am laying in a soft place, a bed in the hospital wing I guess, I feel warm and then… yep there's the pain, it's duller than before though, I must have been given some heavy duty potions. I can hear voices around me but decide to just listen for a while before letting them know I'm awake.

"I can't believe she's here I thought we'd lost her,"

"She looks awful, I'll kill Malfoy when he wakes up,"

"Ron stop it, has she not been through enough that you would take Malfoy from her too?" That's Hermione's voice of reason.

"But look at her, God only knows what happened to her," there's a sob in his voice as he says this.

"Yes I know but we know that Malfoy was under Voldemort's control, you've seen the scars on him too remember," Harry's turn to reason now.

"I just want him to pay for it, he broke her heart remember, he stole her away and let this happen to her,"

"You were the one who told her that Malfoy still loved her Ron, you were the one that mended her heart remember, it was you that she fell in love with, I know you're scared that now he's back that you'll lose her but you can't put that sort of pressure on her it could kill her,"

"I know, I just don't see how we can get past this one, how she will ever recover," he sighs and I feel like I want to cry for him.

"All you need to do is be there for her, support her let her make her own decision in her own time, she's going to be hurt when she finds out everything that's happened," I wonder what they mean by this but decide that I need to know and therefore must open my eyes and face the music so to speak. I stir and moan slightly as I open my eyes and try to sit up, quickly giving up.

"JJ, you're awake? How are you feeling?" all three of them say at once as they bustle around me, I smile weakly at them and wish for a minute that Dumbledore was here like last time to tell me everything was going to be okay.

"What… what happened?" I ask weakly my voice scratchy and my throat and mouth dry.

"A lot, we'll tell you in a minute but first the order need to know what happened to you," Ron says gently stroking the hair back from my forehead with a shaking hand.

"Oh… Okay," I say as Harry rushes to fetch them, and we sit in silence while we wait for them, I examine them both, they look tired and drained, Ron has stubble on his face and his hair looks dirty, one of his eyes has been bruised and I can see several healing wounds snaking up from his chest just peeking out through his collar. But he still looked beautiful, and strong and kind and I loved him. Eventually Harry gets back the rest of the Weasley's in toe as well as a few other members of the order.

"Hey JJ, How you feeling?" George asks kissing me lightly on the cheek

"Sore," I say truthfully with a weak smile,

"You up to telling us what happened?" Kingsley Shaklebolt says and I nod uncertainly and open my mouth to begin my story.

"I was at my birthday party when there was the explosion, I ducked down to hide but then I sort of went all calm and peaceful and I couldn't move and one of the death eaters flicked his wand and bound and gagged me and then they carried me off. When I woke up I was in a dungeon I had heavy chains around my neck and wrists and ankles and he was there with Draco and Snape, I told him that you wouldn't come for me and he said he would keep me as a toy anyway. Draco was crying and then Voldemort left him with me and went off with Snape. Draco explained everything how he was under the imperious how he had been made to watch me get tortured and scream for his help in a vision. He said he needed to rescue me, keep me safe asked for the plan I told him you wouldn't be coming and then we made our peace, as friends," I add as I squeeze Ron's hand slightly watching the anguish on his face I almost sob but take a deep breath and continue. "So I was kept in the dungeon I was brought up whenever they were bored or had guests and tortured, beaten, cut, put under the crutiatous. Draco helped me control my other magic, said they couldn't find out, he taught me how to stop it happening so that even when I was tortured it wouldn't happen. That was my existence, Draco tried to help me, he wanted desperately to save me but he was being kept as a slave himself and they kept him under the imperious so he couldn't come near me to try and stop them from hurting me. He managed to shake it off a couple of times when they were cutting me he attacked them but there were so many of them they cursed him. The second time I thought he would die they kept putting him under the crutiatous he couldn't breathe, I almost lost it then the light started but he grabbed my hand and I managed to stop it. Then one day, I don't know how long I had been there but I knew something was going on because suddenly I was alone in the castle I could feel it, then I felt Harry die, I don't know how I knew but I just felt him, it was like part of him left me, or something, but I knew he was alright and I could feel Voldemort's anger at that. That's when I worked it out."

"Worked what out?" Fred asks,

"That I needed to let him kill me or Harry could never defeat him, I was the last horcrux, just like Harry became one accidently, so did I when he tried to kill me before. I knew that if he figured it out then he would be able to kill Harry for good and he would keep me as a slave forever so I had to get here, I had to make him kill me so that Harry could defeat him once and for all," they stare at me for a while, Mrs Weasley is practically weeping when she says,

"You're so brave and clever, I hope you don't mind me saying that you're like a daughter to me, and I'm so proud of you and happy you're okay," I want to start crying now and give her a watery smile before I compose myself and continue.

"So I concentrated really hard, at first I couldn't do it because I kept passing out, but then I just thought about the fact that your lives depended on me so I thought of you all and somehow latched on to you and I opened my eyes and I had apparated to right outside the castle, and well I guess you know the rest." I finish fidgeting slightly as a pain shoots through my chest. "So what happened here?" I ask.

"Well after you were taken all hell broke loose, we knew that there was no way to come and get you, although there were still several rescue plans that we had to stop," there is a pause here as everyone looks at Ron who reddens slightly. "Harry knew the war was coming he'd had a vision so we were prepared and that helped us save a lot of lives, as soon as they got here the fighting started Voldemort tried to kill Harry again and when he awoke several of his followers deserted and Draco was able to throw off the Imperious curse, both his parents were killed but he was hit with a bad curse too. Then you turned up, as soon as Voldemort hit you with the killing curse things changed there was a flash of purple in the sky after the red of your magic ended and harry directed his curse straight at Voldemort who counteracted but wasn't strong enough and it was weird, he just kind of disintegrated. But we thought you had died, we were standing around you, Draco came over and he and Ron were arguing and then you kind of gasped and it threw us all into shock, we brought you straight here, they say that the worst of you injuries from your time in the dungeon are healed or healing, you will be in pain for a while though, the only thing they're not sure of is the damage done by the curses, there's a chance your heart could have been weakened but they're not sure." I watch them all closely as I try to take this in and then I notice that there is someone missing.

"Where's Draco?" I ask suddenly and I'm not imagining the awkward glances, "please let him in, it wasn't his fault he tried to save me,"

"We know JJ, we know, it's not that, he got hit with a pretty powerful curse, he's not in a good way," Harry tells me.

"What are you talking about, he got up and came to me after I got hit, he was awake he came to me, you just told me that,"

"We know, and the healers can't tell how he managed to do that, soon after he found you were alive he slipped into a coma, they're not sure if he'll wake up," I sit in stunned silence, no he can't be, this is the worst thing that could have happened, just when I thought things were getting better.

"I have to see him," I say eventually,

"Not now JJ you need to rest," Ron replies gently,

"No, I need to see him, NOW," I retort loudly, they look at me sadly until they eventually concede and as the others shuffle away Harry Ron and Hermione take me to Draco. As I am placed in the chair by his bedside I am immediately struck by how incredibly pale he is, even more so than usual. He looks breathtakingly beautiful but there is a thin, pinched, pained expression on his face that makes me want to sob. Taking his hand in mine I am shocked my how cold his skin is, like ice next to the fire burning under my own skin.

"Draco, it's me, it's JJ," I whisper, "You did it see, you helped save me, but it will be worth nothing if you don't wake up. I need you to wake up Draco… I need you," I falter, "You told me you still loved me, I need you to prove that to me now, I need you to be strong for me and wake up so I can be strong for you again, I can't live my life without you in it, I'm scared Draco, I need you… please," I finish soft tears silently falling down my cheeks as I lean forward and kiss his soft, cold skin.

When I am back in my bed sometime later I say goodnight to Harry and Hermione and am left to tell Ron the one thing that will break both our hearts but I need to tell him.

"Ron," I say quietly

"Yeah Honey," he asks looking apprehensive

"I love you, you know that right?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay good then you have to believe me when I say this is the hardest thing in the world to do," I pause taking a ragged breath "You are so wonderful, beautiful and kind and I think every day how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life, I don't deserve you I probably never will. But I love Draco too, I can't explain it I know it's wrong and unfair and I hate it. But right now I need to be there for him until he wakes up, then I need some time alone without either of you so that I can get my head clear. I'm not asking or expecting you to wait for me."

"Good because I won't," he shouts suddenly.

"Oh, okay," I say shocked

"I love you, but I won't be treated like a fool, you make your decision then talk to me," and with that face stony and red he storms out leaving me alone and hurt. I cry, and I keep crying until Fred and George have come back in and have gently rocked me to sleep. They are still there when I wake up and I explain to them what happened.

"I know I have no right to be upset, it was my fault," I say

"JJ, he's confused just like you are, he is terrified of losing you to Malfoy again and he doesn't know how to deal with it so is pushing you away, he'll come round we'll make sure of it."

For the next two weeks I never leave Draco's bedside. I sit there talking to him, singing to him, reading to him, reassuring him and begging him to wake up. The healers and everyone else are getting worried about my own deteriorating health and lack of recovery as I am skinnier than ever now, but I can't function while he is like this. I hate myself for what I am doing to Ron too, I have heard from the others that he is suffering, and although it hurts to hear it I am glad they told me. I needed to know how he was since he was refusing to visit me or talk to me. I have sent him owls but they are always returned un-opened. Hermione has been with him though so I know he is okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note: Just a quick warning this chapter does have explicit sexual context in it. Also let me know how you're enjoying it so far :)**

Then one day while I am singing quietly to him he finally stirs squeezing my hand as he does so.

"Draco," I whimper tears pouring down my cheeks as I hold him,

"Hey baby," he says, and I don't even bother to correct him I'm so pleased he's okay.

"I can't believe you're awake, I was so afraid… I thought," I can't finish my sentence as a fresh wave of sobs engulf me and I shake as I try to calm myself.

"Hey, hey I'm right here, please don't cry, I'm okay see." He says pulling himself up on his pillow, as if he has just woken up from an extra-long sleep. I can't do anything other than nod, "What happened?"

"You were cursed and then you fell into a coma," I manage to tell him,

"Oh, right. Are you okay? You look terrible when was the last time you ate, I bet you weigh barely more than a few stone," he comments as I look down at my by now very emaciated frame.

"I… I don't know, I couldn't eat while you were ill, I didn't want too,"

"I love you," he whispers suddenly, making me pull my hand away from his and stand up shakily.

"I… I… Draco I need to tell you the same as I told Ron, I'm so happy you're okay I honestly couldn't live without you and I do love you but things are so complicated. I know it's unfair and wrong for me to love you both but I need some time on my own to figure this all out, I'm sorry," I finish as I kiss him gently on the cheek and leave for my room. I feel exhausted.

"Ginny what are you doing here?" I ask groggily as I wake up

"Hey JJ," she says gently "How you feeling?"

"Honestly, like shit," I say managing a weak smile.

"Yeah I get that," she smiles back, "Listen you know that we're here for you right? Me, Harry, Hermione, Fred and George… everyone,"

"Yeah I know although I'm not sure I deserve it," I sigh "I've destroyed both of their lives, Draco nearly died because of me, and Ron too,"

"JJ none of this is your fault and things will work out you're doing the right thing you know just don't put too much pressure on yourself remember what the healers said," I nod and then say

"You won't tell Ron or Draco that though, please they could do without the extra pressure and worry right now," she nods after hesitating a while and agrees to keep it from them.

A few weeks later and things seem to have got back to normal… almost. The Burrow has been once again expanded and Charlie, Bill and their wives are back at home. Since the war it's like everyone wants to be close to their loved ones. A few cottages have been added to the surrounding land and we have all been given one, Harry, Hermione, Draco and me that is. I'm finding it incredibly hard to work out what I'm feeling the pain in my chest increases every-day and I honestly think it's my heart breaking I don't know what to do. I love them both, I love being a part of this family too and couldn't bear to hurt them. Its late afternoon and I am standing in the kitchen gripping the wall as another pain shoots through my chest making me gasp for air when there is a quiet knock at my door.

"Hermione," I say smiling as I quickly mask my pain and hide it from her standing aside for to come in, "What's wrong?" I ask seeing her tear stained face.

"OH god JJ I'm so sorry," she sobs falling at my feet startling me as I try to comfort her,

"What's wrong what happened?" I say panic in my voice

"I was with Ron,"

"Oh no, is he okay, what happened?" I am really worried now and I can feel the colour drain from my face as I watch it drain from hers.

"No, he's fine, but we… erm… we slept together JJ I'm so sorry," she weeps. I step back from her suddenly not able to take this information in.

"When? How?" I ask quietly after a while.

"A couple of weeks ago, we'd been drinking, I had broken up with Dean and he was hurting over you and we were reminiscing over our past and it… it just kind of happened,"

"It's like De Ja Vu," I say bitterly not able to look her in the eye.

"I… We're… I'm so sorry," she says again fresh tears welling in her eyes.

"I have to go," I say suddenly turning and running out of the door straight into Ron,

"JJ I…"

"Don't," I say almost bitterly, "Is this because I wouldn't sleep with you? Because I wasn't ready? Or is it just revenge?"

"JJ I wouldn't… how could you say that," I look up at him and then wrench myself away from him as I run away. I don't get too far, just far enough that I can be sure they've not followed as a pain rips through me so intense that I retch and vomit before staggering and passing out. Coming too, I pull myself up groggily and work out that I am by the pond on the Weasley's land on the opposite side from our cottages. Standing up I watch the water for a while before trying to decide what to do. My heart hurts, I start to walk back towards the burrow and I hear shouts but I have already stopped walking for some reason my legs won't work anymore which is frustrating. My whole body is feeling really heavy and then, there it is again that pain ripping through me so violently that it makes me claw at my chest and collapse forward onto the grass, gasping for air and screaming out in pain. Not caring about being brave anymore just wanting it to stop. This is worse than the crutiatious, this is worse than anything.

"Where am I?" I ask hazily staring around at the white walls,

"St Mungo's,"

"Oh, what happened?"

"You had a heart attack, caused by a powerful curse and very nearly killing you,"

"Standard," I sigh almost giggling to myself at the shocked look on the healers face. "Where is everyone?"

"They're all outside, I'll let them in now,"

"Thank God you're okay sweetie,"

"Jesus JJ can you stop trying to scare us to death please," said Fred and George in unison. I accept the hugs from everyone and apologise for doing this to them once again.

"Where's Ron and Hermione?" I ask

"They're outside," Ginny says awkwardly as everyone looks at each other, I notice that Harry has bruised knuckles and a fat lip and I understand that they have found out about everything.

"I want to see them, I need to let them know its okay," I say earnestly

"What," Harry says incredulously

"Harry, it's my fault I pushed him away I couldn't make up my mind he deserves to be with someone who loves him and will treat him right and I know she will, she's my best friend of course she will,"

A stunned silence follows as the two are brought in looking very shame faced indeed, Ron with a black eye and a bruised jaw too by the looks of it.

"It's okay," I say gently, and to my surprise they both break down crying and hold onto me as I try to calm them looking to the others for help.

"I'm so… so… sorry, I treated you so badly," Ron sobs and I pull him away sharply,

"No you didn't what are you talking about?" I ask sternly as they stop crying and look at me, "Seriously you have only ever been loyal and kind and loving to me, I will never forgive myself for the way I made you feel after the war and I fully understand what happened and yes okay so I was shocked and hurt at first but I was being dramatic and selfish and you two clearly belong together. We will always be friends the best of friends please don't let this ruin that," I finish hugging them both.

"But…"

"But nothing," I smile, hugging them again and everyone else lets out a collective breath too. "So where's Draco?" I ask

"Oh… erm, I'm not sure, we haven't seen him in a while," Fred answers and I nod feeling a sting in my heart that I know has nothing to do with being ill.

A couple of days later I am released from hospital and the second I am alone I go to Draco's house and knock, there's no answer so I try again. I stand there for ten minutes until I can feel tears prickling in my eyes he hates me.

"Please don't hate me," I whisper to the door

"Why would I hate you?" A voice says from behind me making me spin on the spot. The second I see him, his taught muscular body visible under the tight shirt, his strong jaw, beautiful skin and eyes of molten silver I would willingly drown in, it's all I can do not to throw myself into his arms. Instinctively I take a step towards him but hesitate as I remember what I did to him.

"Because I treated you so badly," I say instead stepping back towards the door as he walks towards me. He stops a few feet from me.

"You treated me badly? As I remember it I left you, left you to think I was evil, helped kidnap you, did nothing to stop you being beaten and tortured and then let you suffer while I slept for two weeks," he has the ghost of a smile on his face as he says this though guilt and pain are evident in his eyes.

"I moved on as soon as you were gone, I didn't wait for you. I should have believed that you loved me, but I didn't think I deserved it from you, I never did, I never believed I was worthy, so I thought it was punishment and I cheated by moving on to Ron and then made you suffer for weeks through my pain and through your own pain and after everything I left you." I let out a small sob as I say this backing nearly right into the door. He takes another step forward.

"I understood, I never held it against you, I never stopped loving you, not for a second,"

"I know,"

"Ron and Hermione are back together?" he says almost conversationally taking another step forward the gap between us is little more than a foot now.

"Yes, they are," I agree

"Does that mean…" he can't quite find the words to finish his sentence but he takes another step towards me our faces are now only inches apart.

"I think deep down I always knew it was you, I never really let you go…I" but I don't finish because he has dipped his head and his lips are on mine. We kiss for what feels like blissful hours as all of our pain, hurt, passion and love for one another is poured into it. My arms have found their way around his neck, fingers entwined in his hair, he has one arm around my waist holding me tightly against him his other hand gently caressing my face. Eventually we part resting our foreheads together, panting for breath, my vision blurred with passion as I hear cheering and wolf whistling. Looking up suddenly I see the others all standing there smiling happily and cheering for us and I blush furiously, not able to keep the smile from my face.

As I hide my face in his chest slightly in embarrassment, I can feel his heart beating as he wraps his arms around me, his touch making my skin tingle and burn with lust.

"I've missed you so much," I murmur into his chest, and he squeezes me gently waving the others away and leading me inside to talk. "I'm so sorry," I say quietly once we are sitting in front of the fire in his little living room.

"Like I've said a thousand times you have nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who messed up. This is like a dream to have you finally back here again," he says staring at me, and it's the first time I really look at him, he is pale and thinner than he used to be I can see at least one scar running down his neck. He looks tired and although there is clear happiness in his face and eyes now it is obvious that it hasn't been there for a long time.

"I did this," I mutter almost in a whisper reaching up and tracing a finger down the scar on his neck tears in my eyes. He reaches up and grabs my hand pulling it down and holding it to his heart.

"No, I did that, he did that, you… you fixed this," he smiles gently at me leaning forward until his soft lips are once again on mine. I kiss back without hesitation as he pushes me gently down until I am lying on my back on the sofa and he deepens the kiss, I let out a small moan into his mouth as his tongue caresses mine and I can feel him smile slightly. My hands are under his shirt caressing the smooth skin stretched over taught muscle. As he presses down letting out a moan of his own. His hands have found their way under my top as he undoes my bra and then his kisses are snaking their way along my jawline, down my neck and to my chest I gasp and moan loudly as he mouth takes hold of my nipple, my hips jerking upwards and into his erection causing him to moan too. I pull away from him slightly and sit up smiling at him briefly before kissing him hungrily my lips feel swollen and are stinging from the passion with which we are kissing. As I kiss him I begin to unbutton his shirt pushing it back over his shoulders I gasp slightly as I see the extent of his injuries and can feel tears welling in my eyes,

"It's okay baby, it's okay they don't hurt anymore," he breathes into my ear sucking briefly on my earlobe, I nod and then begin tracing each one with my fingers feeling him shiver with desire under my touch makes me feel alive. I begin kissing him again with fervour and then work my way down his body. Removing his trousers and his boxers. It's his turn to gasp when I tentatively stroke his hardness, I look up at him not knowing if I am doing the right thing and as if he knows he looks down at me and smiles, his eyes dark with lust, "Keep going baby, you're amazing," he manages.

"Okay," I whisper back letting my breath ghost along his shaft as I begin kissing up and down before taking the tip in my mouth which makes him moan loudly and I can see him trying desperately to stop himself from thrusting himself deeper into my mouth. I begin to suck him faster and harder his groaning becoming guttural and deep a noise which sends a tingling sensation around my body and wetness between my legs. Suddenly he stops me and pulls me back up to him kissing me soundly, as he pulls my top away from my body and slips my shorts and pants down, now we are both completely naked and beads of sweat are forming on our excited bodies. He strokes my flesh lightly barely touching it, brushing against my hip bones and sending shivers down my spine, I bury my head in his neck kissing it lightly as he does this, then his hand ventures down and I feel pleasure rise through me as I throw my head back slightly and moan again.

"Are you ready baby," he whispers as he positions himself on top of me, I am suddenly reminded of that night all those months ago when my innocence had been stolen from me and panic begins to build in me I try to stop it but he can see it in my eyes, even before the orange glow starts up around us both, "What's wrong? Baby we don't have to do this, I won't ever push you into anything you're not ready for," he says stroking my hair back and kissing me gently, putting every ounce of himself into it.

"I know, I want to… I need to do this," I say eventually as he once again manages to help me control my magic, pulling him back to me and reaching between his legs to guide him in. he is so gentle that it barely hurts when he does enter me. Then slowly at first he begins to thrust in and out and the pleasure building inside me makes me scream out in ecstasy as my body shakes when my orgasm finally rips through me, shortly after he can't hold it in and explodes inside me with a guttural moan and collapses on top of me. My arms and legs wrapped around him.

As we lay quietly in each other's arms, sated and exhausted I let the sound of his steady heart beat relax me until my eyes grow heavy and I sleep, the first real dreamless, proper sleep in weeks, no nightmares just peace. When I wake some hours later I am lying in Draco's bed wrapped in warm duvet covers and I sigh contentedly turning over to where he should be, but he's not there. A sudden panic grips me and I sit up quickly,

"Draco?" I call out quietly, no answer, "Draco," I call again this time slightly louder, an edge evident in my voice. Still no answer, I get up quickly pulling a robe around me and head out of the room to look for him, I can't find him anywhere and I can feel my heart beginning to race painfully, and then I spot the note. Picking it up with shaking hands I open it;

 _JJ,_

 _I've just popped out to get some stuff from the burrow so I can make you some food, don't worry I'll be back in a little while._

 _I love you_

 _Draco_

The relief that floods through me is so complete that my knees buckle and tears begin spilling down my cheeks. So there I am sitting in a heap on the kitchen floor crying when he walks in, he is smiling and humming to himself and then he spots me. Putting down the bags he has quickly he rushes to me, crouching by my side and trying to pull me to him.

"Baby what's wrong what happened?" he says worry evident in his voice which makes me cry all the more.

"I'm… I'm sorry," I stutter eventually, "I was just being stupid, I woke up and you weren't there and I panicked and then I found the note and I was so relieved that I just started crying and my legs kind of gave way. It just took me back to before for a second I was scared it was a dream or something," I smile sheepishly blushing at my own stupidity.

"Baby, I'm here forever, I'm not leaving you, I promise," I look at him and believe him completely and am so happy, but then I remember all the times it has been said before and doubt creeps into my heart.

Later that day I am sitting with Harry in my living room having gone back to shower and change,

"So what's wrong?" he asks sitting opposite me on the couch.

"Nothing why do you say that?" I ask

"Because you're my best friend and I know when something is on your mind," he states smiling a little at me and I smile back briefly before looking serious again.

"I'm scared Harry," I admit suddenly

"Of what?"

"Of it all going wrong, maybe things aren't meant to work out for me, maybe I'm not supposed to be happy,"

"What are you talking about?" he says looking concerned.

"Draco told me he would be with me forever earlier," I sigh

"And…" He prompts

"He's said it before, he said it when we first got together and then he left. Ron said it too that Christmas here, then he left too, and I had a dream about my parents the other night, the first one ever where I heard them, they said it too and look what happened there, they left and never came back," I look up at him as I finish, but before he can answer I hear a gasp and turning around see Draco standing there with flowers, I stand up quickly and take a step towards him.

"You think I'd leave you after everything, you know I didn't leave you on purpose the first time,"

"I.. I know I,"

"You haven't forgiven me," he says looking crushed as he drops the flowers and turns away from me.

"No, Draco stop please," I scream and then gasp as a sudden pain hits me in the chest again making me lose my balance and fall forward hitting my head on the coffee table.

Coming too I look around blearily as my eyes come into focus and see Harry sitting beside me, then I notice Ginny next to him wiping blood from my head with a cloth.

"What happened this time?"

"You passed out, hit your head," Ginny says calmly

"I'm so pissed off with this, why can't I just go back to being normal for once," I whine sitting up and wincing slightly, "Where's Draco?"

"He's gone, he's at his I think," Harry say's looking down,

"Right," I say dejectedly hanging my head slightly, "I ruined it again," I mutter almost to myself before turning to them and saying "thanks, for everything guys really, but if you don't mind I'd really rather be alone now," they look at each other briefly before obeying me and heading out.


	10. Chapter 10

Sometime later I am laying quietly on my bed the window open and listening to the silence when I hear a banging,

"What?" Draco's voice come's drifting angrily through the air to my ears, I sit up listening intently

"Why are you doing this to her?" That's Ron, what is going on? I ask myself as I head to the window to listen more closely.

"What are you talking about Weasley, I haven't done anything to her,"

"You're killing her,"

"No it's the other way round actually,"

"Oh really? You promised her forever and then left just like that like she means nothing,"

"So did you I hear,"

"Exactly and I hate myself for it, but she needs you far more than she ever needed me,"

"That's a lie, all I've ever done is put her in danger,"

"And what about now? She finally has the chance to be happy to recover and you've gone and set her back months,"

"She'll get over me,"

"She will never be over you, she loves you, you fucking idiot,"

"No she doesn't, she can't even forgive me,"

"She is scared Draco you twat, she thinks everyone will leave her, like we have before none of us have the best track record we keep promising that we will be there and then we leave, or stop talking to her or abandon her at the first sign of trouble, and you're proving her right,"

"What do you care anyway?"

"Because I still love her,"

"What?"

"It's not important you just need to go to her,"

"I can't, you should she belongs with you," I can hear Ron laugh bitterly

"She never belonged with me, she has always belonged to you, always,"

"I wish she could start fresh and find someone who deserved her" Draco sighs suddenly

"She deserves to be loved fully, do you love her?"

"More than anything in the world, do you?"

"With everything I have,"

"Then what do we do?" Draco shouts exasperation evident in his voice.

"I don't know we can't ask her to choose the strain would be too much,"

"Too late," I hear myself shouting, within seconds I am out of the front door and standing facing the two of them, their faces pale and worried, I am shaking from head to foot, but I can't feel the cold.

"JJ," they both start

"Don't," I say holding my hand up to stop them. "I… I don't know what to say, how am I supposed to pick, whatever happens someone is going to be hurt and I can't bare that, I love you both and the thought of either of you being in pain makes me want to die. I… maybe I should just go… I wish I had never done this to you," I murmur these last words and before they can say or do anything I have disaperated to the forest of dean.

I sit down abruptly under a tree and hug my knees to my chest, silent tears are flowing down my cheeks and I am concentrating on breathing as steadily as I can as I try to work out what to do. I never thought I would be in a situation like this, I don't know what to do, I need help, I have no-one that I can go to who is completely impartial to this.

"Please help me," I whisper out loud in desperation,

"My child, don't be troubled," I jump up in fright at the sound of the voice recognising it immediately but not believing it.

"Prof… professor Dumbledore, but… but you're dead," I stutter, wishing I had brought my wand with me, and cursing myself for being so stupid.

"Yes, my child I am, but in times of great need some very powerful wizards or witches have the ability to call upon certain people," I stare at him not understanding what he is trying to say at all. "You are a very powerful young witch, I have told you that before, and only a few of our kind possess the power you do. You have the ability to call upon those you truly need, a bit like the Gryffindor sword is called to a person who truly needs it,"

"Oh," I say nodding slowly, "you mean like when I managed to get to Hogwarts during the war from Voldemort's castle even though I shouldn't have been able to," I say vaguely understanding.

"Yes," he smiles down at me, "So you feel you have to choose between two men that you love and are afraid of causing them pain?" he says sombrely.

"Yes," I nod miserably.

"Well you are not the first in your family to suffer this dilemma,"

"What, you knew my family, my… my parents?" I gape

"Yes, yes my child I did, your mother was part vela, which explains where your outstanding beauty comes from, she had many suitors but there were two in particular who she loved above all others. The three of them found it very difficult and she found it impossible to choose between them, unfortunately during the first war both your mother and your father young Mr Potter were killed,"

"What, Harry's dad was my dad, but I don't understand, that can't be right Harry and I we're the same age, we're I don't…"

"You are twins,

"But then why does no-one know about me, why did no-one tell me?"

"When you were born it was so immediately obvious that you had great power and beauty in you, as there was in Harry, but there were problems, Severus also loved your mother and she him, there were fights and a great deal of heartache, and eventually after threats that were made to steal you and use you, it was decided that you should be hidden from the wizarding world for your own safety."

"But Harry,"

"He knows,"

"What, but he never said, how could he…"

"I made him promise that he would not breathe a word of any of this until I had spoken to you, it is sometimes dangerous to have too much knowledge, don't you think?"

"But I had a brother, all this time I thought I was alone but I had family," I nearly scream fresh tears streaming down my burning cheeks.

"You always had family, go home and look around you, you have never been alone, we have always been watching over you, and please learn from the story I have told you tonight do not be afraid of love, do not be afraid to choose and to follow your heart,"

For one heart stopping moment there is blackness and I believe that this has all been a dream and then I can see again, I am standing outside the burrow everyone is gathered around, I guess organising a search party, I can see them all stop and stare in astonishment at Dumbledore as he smiles before disappearing. I am rooted to the spot no-one is talking, my eyes search out Harry and he steps forward.

"He told you," he says simply, I nod feeling sick.

"This is too much, I can't… it's too much," I stutter, he nods "why didn't you tell me?"

"You know I couldn't," I am aware of everyone else staring at us, I can see Draco and Ron have been fighting,

"But I was alone, why was it me they gave away?"

"I don't know," he says looking upset.

"For seventeen years I thought I was alone, thinking that whoever my parents were they died saving me or loving me but they never even wanted me,"

"That's not true,"

"Yes it is, they gave me away, they pretended I didn't exist they wiped me out," I shout heat and anger burning through me, seventeen years worth of it.

"They did it to protect you,"

"They did it to get rid of me, all because of some stupid love triangle," I spit

"Our parents loved us both, they hid you to save you,"

"Well it didn't work did it?" I say bitterly, ignoring the gasps as the rest of them figure out what I have just been told.

"JJ come on, it's been messed up for both of us, but now is our chance to make it right," he says gently stepping forwards

"How… how can we possibly make it right, I have just found out that I have twin, that my twin is my best friend and that he knew all along. I have just been told that I was given away because our mother had some stupid love triangle going on with our father and Snape. For fucks sake, I'm part Vela, I've been part of the most famous wizarding family going but never knew, I was stuck in an orphanage where I was beaten and abused and raped all because our parents couldn't decide what to do. I was wiped out of existence because of it. And now I'm stuck in the same fucking position." I finish breathing so heavily that I feel suddenly light headed and sit down on the grass, shaking so violently I feel I might be sick, this is just all too much. Before I can stop it a blue light is glowing around me, it is so strong I can barely breathe, my entire body visibly vibrating as I reach out and, by accident, engulf them all within the light, I can vaguely hear my name, can feel Draco trying to reach me to help calm me but I shut my eyes. Opening them again we are in the orphanage, watching a five year old me get beaten for not standing properly. Then we fast forward images blurred until we stop in front of a seven year old me being whipped with a belt, the other kids refusing to even look at me. Sitting at a different part of the table at dinner so they aren't associated with me. The next scene is 10 year old me crying myself to sleep whilst praying to be rescued. I can feel the others around me, their minds begging me to stop making them see this all.

"I'm sorry," I gasp out, breathing is getting more and more difficult, I can't stop it, now we are watching as a 12 year old me goes home from my first summer, being ignored, and beaten again. Then fifteen year old me being whipped with a belt at the dinner table. Then it stops on me in the summer at the dinner table him touching me, whispering to me. "No… please… I can't… not again," I am nearly convulsing by this point, pain, fear and exhaustion taking over as my body starts giving up. Suddenly a hand touches my arm and looking up I can see Ron and Draco desperately reaching for me, I reach for them too and as they pull me towards them, I can finally feel it receding and as we are all once again transported back to the grass outside the Burrow I collapse limply against them both panting for breath my body sweaty and aching.

"Oh you poor child," Mrs Weasley whispers rushing forward and embracing me before instructing Charlie to carry me inside and settle me in the living room, everyone else is to stay put, although glancing up I don't think any could move if they wanted to, Harry looks sick and the others are ashen faced as they stare at me.

"She never said it was that bad," someone whispers,

"Why did she never tell us?" I think that's Bill, but my eyes are heavy with exhaustion. Setting me down on the armchair, Charlie strokes back my hair, and kisses my forehead gently as his wife quickly begins to clean my sweat dampened skin with a flannel.

"It's okay sis you're safe now," he whispers.

I am utterly exhausted I sit there my legs underneath me my head lolling onto the side of the sofa as I listen to the bits of conversation I hear, my whole body feels like it is dully aching as my head pounds the tears have stopped, I can feel them dried on my face but I don't remember crying at all. I no longer have the energy to do anything, not even sleep, I don't want to think, or move or exist right at this moment.

"She is in pain, you need to leave her to come to terms…"

"But we need to tell her…"

"You will tell her no such things Ronald, or you Draco she needs time to heal first," I am unequivocally grateful to her for saying this, I'm not ready to see either of them. George appears in front of me at this point with a plate of food and I suddenly feel so ill that I jump up and rush to the toilet where I am violently sick for some time. Flushing the toilet and I feel too shaky to stand so lean back against the wall letting the cold tiles sooth my burning skin.

It's been nearly a week, I haven't moved, I haven't eaten anything just been sick more, and I haven't seen anyone. I am by now beginning to feel very ill and I know that if I don't eat something soon then I will probably die but I don't really care at the moment. I never wanted any of them to know any of that about me, to see any of that stuff, I can't handle the humiliation of it all. There is a bang on my door I ignore it and the footsteps on the stairs I should have known they would just use magic to get in. I am too weak to do anything other than turn and face the door as it opens.

"Jesus!" Fred and George exclaim at the same moment. "Look at the state of you JJ, you look like you're dying,"

"Sorry," I mutter feeling guilty for upsetting them once again,

"What's going on JJ, we want to help but we can't if you don't talk to us?"

"I just can't take it all in, it's like my entire life is a lie, everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down, I think I'm cursed it's like every time I am happy something happens to destroy it and people get hurt, and I can't eat because that's the only thing I have any control over and if I start eating again then something will happen, I will lose control, everything will go wrong," I feel tears in my eyes and realise that I need to sort myself out now, "Please help me," I whisper. Without a word just a quick glance to each other Fred walks over to me scoops me up and apparates with me to St Mungo's while George goes to presumably tell the others. After a few days I am feeling much better I have had counselling and the potions they have given me are starting to have an effect on my emaciated body. I have had a long chat with Harry and we have decided to take things very slowly with our new found family status although when he left and I hugged him I wept for the first time since that night and clung to him as he told me everything would be okay.

But my heart was still heavy and I knew why, how could I ever choose between two such wonderful men, actually what makes me think they'll still be waiting anyway, Ron tried once before to leave as did Draco maybe they don't want me, I smile bitterly to myself at this point and say aloud "Who would want me anyway?" with a sigh.


	11. Chapter 11

"I would," say two voices simultaneously from behind me and I jump up spinning round to face Draco and Ron as they stand sheepishly in the doorway to my room.

"But I can't choose, and I treated you so badly both of you, you deserve better, I can't see how this can ever bring anything other than heartache, besides look at me I'm a mess I'm disgusting,"

"You're beautiful, you're perfect and no matter what pain it brings it will be worth it to be loved by you," Draco says stepping forward.

"We're so… I'm so sorry for everything that I have done to hurt you JJ, but you need to know that we will stand by you together, you don't have to choose we'll be together."

"But… I don't understand," I say confused, sitting down as my weak legs will no longer hold me upright.

"We understand that you can't choose between us and so we've decided that we will both be here for you, until things sort themselves out even if that takes forever we love you too much to let something like this ruin us,"

I sit there gaping at the two of them for a minute not quite believing the pressure that has somehow been lifted from my shoulders I know this is going to be a really odd set up but then again why should I care.

"You mean it?" I ask breathlessly "You won't just walk away again?" they shake their heads solemnly and then a thought suddenly enters my head and I hit myself in the forehead hard for being such a bad friend "But what about Hermione?"

"We broke up again, she's back with Dean,"

"Oh," I mutter not really knowing what to say, "Does she hate me?" I ask looking up to see the two boys closer to me now within touching distance of me.

"No, she doesn't hate you, I think maybe she sees this as an opportunity to get some normality back too,"

For a moment I sit still trying to digest all that I have been told in the last few minutes, the two men move slowly closer towards me perching either side of me on the bed. Eventually I let out a sigh and holding onto Ron's hand I lay my head on Draco's shoulder as he slips his arm around my waist, Ron's other arm is also round my waist and I feel safe and comfortable.

"I'm scared," I whisper after a while

"What of?" Ron asks pulling a strand of hair out of my eyes,

"That this is too good, too perfect and that like everything else it will come crashing down around me," I reply shuddering violently, Draco kisses the top of my head his hand stroking circles on my back like he had all that time ago after the first battle.

"Never!" Ron says emphatically and Draco nods too.

"Everything that happened before that's down to us, we've talked and fought long and hard about everything that's happened since the beginning." They look at each other and smile and then look at me and I can see that they've finally made peace with each other but I sense there is more to be said to me.

"When you first arrived at school sitting in the carriage talking to Harry I knew you were the one for me, and as we grew up my love grew stronger but I saw how beautiful you were and I figured that I would never have a chance so I started seeing Hermione instead," he pauses,

"But you never said…" I start

"I know, I should have, when you arrived at the Burrow that night after that muggle guy had attacked you I thought I would be sick at the thought that I wasn't there to protect you, but I did nothing, then when you started seeing Malfoy I was so jealous I didn't know what to do." He sighs and Malfoy pats him on the shoulder before taking over.

"I had been fighting feelings for you for a long time, I knew it was impossible that I could never… then when I saw you that night I couldn't help but tell you how beautiful you were, I was terrified that you would tell everyone. But you didn't. Then that day in the stands when we talked and you told me that you kind of felt the same, I knew it wasn't the same, how could it be I had been falling in love with you even while you still hated me. That night when I heard that the others had found out that you had told them you liked me and taken a beating for it, I was so angry, so scared, I had never been scared for anyone other than myself before. Nobody could find you all the teachers were looking and I stopped caring what others would think as long as I found you, that's when I knew I was in love with you," he sighs and swallows back the tears that are threatening before continuing. "I found you under the stands, wrapped in my cloak, you looked so small and as I reached you I saw your eyes trying to focus on me as you passed out, you were so cold and the blood on your head was so red, I thought you were gone I've never been so scared, I stayed with you until you woke up in the hospital wing. When I saw how brave you were facing the whole school alone I couldn't let you do it, and I saw the pain you went through while everyone was ignoring you and making those comments it broke my heart,"

"I'm sorry," I say without thinking, and they both laugh softly.

"You see you're always thinking of others, even when it's us that are supposed to be apologising," Ron sighed, "we treated you like shit, I was so angry that you had chosen Ma… Draco, that I didn't know what to do, I couldn't show it because of Hermione, and then he left and I honestly thought you would die, I've never seen anyone grieve like that for love, it was like you wanted to die," he pauses for breath and Draco shudders violently. I squeeze both of their hands gently and let a tear fall from my eye onto Draco's shoulder. "We thought we'd lost you, I thought I didn't deserve you back after what I had done, and then it was like you pushed everything away, even though every day I could see the hurt in your eyes, you pretended to be happy for everyone else. Then you came to me and asked about Christmas do you remember?" I nod and he sighs a smile playing on his lips. "You were so beautiful that day, it was the first day I looked at you and saw hope, even happiness in your eyes and you were so awkward and worried and my heart swelled to the point I thought it would burst, Christmas last year was the happiest I can remember being, you were there, you weren't mine but you were there, and when you hurt I felt that hurt but you have no idea how much I had dreamt of the times that you would ask me to hold you. That night was the best night of my life," he smiles and I move briefly away from Draco and wrap both arms around Ron's neck,

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into his skin, "I had no idea,"

"Hey you have nothing to be sorry for, you made me happy, you still make me happy," he says gently holding my face in both his hands and kissing me softly on the forehead.

"I could have died, I wanted to die when I saw you had been brought to his dungeons," Draco says taking over again, "I knew what he planned and it made me sick. I couldn't do anything to help you, it was strange since I was forced away from you I had tried so hard to stop being in love with you, I had been told by Snape about you being with Ron and I thought that you could be happy and safe with him in a way you never could with me. I decided I had to stop being in love with you and I thought it was working and then you appeared and just seeing your face made my heart break," he stifles a sob at the memory and I grip his hand tightly as Ron squeezes his shoulder.

"I know, I know that you couldn't do anything, I know you wanted to, you saved my life by helping me control the light, the medium stuff," I say to him tears by now flowing quite freely down my face. And I hear his resolve break as he lets his own tears begin to fall, Ron carries on sensing that Draco couldn't.

"It was like a nightmare, you were gone and I was so angry, so pissed off at myself for letting it happen, the waiting was the worst not knowing what was happening to you if you were… it was the worst time of my life. Then the war came and temporarily I was almost grateful that you weren't there that you didn't have to face it. There was screaming and bodies falling everywhere, when Draco appeared I rushed at him, I… I wanted to kill him for what he had done to you, I cursed him he didn't retaliate just told me that you were alive and that he deserved to die," I hear a muffled sob next to me and turning I can see the grief of the memories pass across his face and reaching up I stroke the tears away and kiss him softly on each cheek. "Well anyway we thought it was over when Harry died, they were cheering but we carried on fighting until we heard a loud popping sound. I almost fell when I saw you standing there I was so glad you were alive but you looked so awful, I could see your wounds so clearly in the daylight and the chains, and oh god before I could do anything he saw you, everything slowed down, no sound was heard, everyone stopped fighting except you two, he was talking and I was watching you answer him, I could see how weak you were and it half killed me, then he killed the Malfoy's and I saw your heart break a little for Draco. You started glowing and the power you radiated was terrifying. Before anybody could do anything you were hit with his killing curse. The next few minutes were so quick, so confusing, Voldemort turned back to Harry cheering as he thought he has won, but then Harry jumped up, loads of the death eaters disappeared on the spot. Harry seemed stronger and he killed him. We had won I have never felt so much joy and grief simultaneously around me for a second I was cheering and then I remembered you, and I ran to you falling at your side,"

"I remember, I was watching it was like I was above you with Dumbledore he told me I had to go back. I saw you argue with Draco and then a rushing feeling as I was pulled back to my body," they both look at me in shocked silence for a second before their grips on me tighten, it's almost like they had never realised how close I was to not coming back that time.

"So, when you woke up I was a mess of emotions, and I was so scared that Draco being back would mean that I lose you again that I wasn't thinking, and when you said those things to me I reacted before I even listened I never paused to think how hard it might be for you, I was being selfish and the second I left you I wanted to come back but I couldn't. I started drinking to try and forget everything Hermione tried to help and I treated her badly too, we were both trying to forget and one night it just all got too much and we ended up sleeping together." I flinch slightly at the memory of this and Draco pulls my head back to his shoulder as Ron looks uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, for everything I put you through," I sob suddenly feeling quite weak with exhaustion, my body is beginning to shake, and my breathing is becoming quicker as I focus on not being this dizzy.

"Baby what's wrong?" Draco says immediately

"JJ tell us," says Ron standing in front of me,

"I'm just really tired, I think I'm going to pass…" I can't finish what I am saying as I feel my body giving out and strong arms catching me.

"Hey baby, we're sorry," a voice washes over me and I murmur a response as my eyes flutter open and I see both men by my bedside looking slightly worried but pleased that I am awake.

"Hey," I smile, "I'm sorry I think it was all a bit too much, I'm still weak from… you know,"

"Why did you stop eating JJ?" Ron asks after a minute, and I tense despite the fact that I want to tell them.

"It's a long story, can we talk about it in the morning I will tell you I promise I will, I won't keep secrets from you anymore but right now I just need to sleep, will you stay with me?"

"Of course we will baby," Draco smiles gently as Ron flicks his wand and enlarges the bed, they slip in either side of me, Ron, behind me slips his arm around my waist pulling me back into his warm body slightly. Draco is lying facing me one of his hands resting lightly on my side just above Ron's hand, his other is on my cheek his thumb tracing gentle circles.

"I love you both," I sigh my eyes closing my voice heavy with sleep,

"We love you too," they say in unison Draco kissing me on the head and Ron on my shoulder as I bury my head in Draco's chest and sleep, a true sleep for the first time in a long time.

Waking up I can hear them talking so I keep my eyes closed and stay still so that I can listen to what they are saying.

"She's so weak,"

"I know she's skin and bone,"

"What do we do Draco?" Ron asks and I can hear the worry in his voice.

"I… I don't know, I guess the most important thing is to keep our promise to her and stay with her, love her and help her,"

"Yeah, I guess I just wish we could make this burden easier for her, I hate to see her this defenceless,"

"Me too," I open my eyes the tinniest amount and see the two boys embrace trying to comfort one another and a huge smile of contentment finds its way to my face.

"Morning," I say quietly, and they both turn around and rush to embrace me and I kneel on my bed between them holding them both to me breathing in their scent.

"Hey beautiful how did you sleep?" Draco asks

"Really well," I smile "When can we go home? Where is home are we all going back to our separate cottages?"

"Well for now yes until we figure out what we're doing and can renovate them," says Ron and I nod my head, I'm not happy about it, but I can see it makes sense and I'm scared to push things.

"As for going home, as long as you promise to eat under our supervision then we can go home today,"

"Really?" I squeal excitedly and they smile as they nod their heads at me

Later that afternoon with all my things packed as well as several potions I have to continue taking, I arrive back at the Burrow where everyone else is waiting, it seems they have been well prepared for the situation and don't bat an eyelid.

"As far as I'm concerned JJ you deserve as much love as the world can throw at you," Fred laughs as he embraces me,

"Hey little sis it's good to have you home," Bill smiles as he kisses me on the side of the head before spotting food and heading for it.

"Hey JJ you look beautiful as ever, I'm glad to see my brother is looking after you," Charlie smiles before adding, "both of them," as he glances up at Draco slapping his arm playfully, and I am overwhelmed once again by the way this family has taken us in and made us part of them.

"I'm glad you're alright kid," George says taking his turn hugging me and kissing me lightly on the forehead. It's like a small party as all the Weasley's greet me and then Harry rushes up to me and we hold each other for a while.

"You alright sis?" he smiles holding my face in his hands.

"I will be," I answer truthfully and he nods his head, as he moves away to Ginny, who has become a lot more understanding of everything I do with Harry now she knows he's my brother, Hermione is standing in the corner looking awkward.

"Hey Herms," I say as I approach her,

"Hey JJ,"

"You okay?"

"I think so," she smiles at me,

"I'm sorry," I say looking down at my feet

"What for, I've told you before, Ron and I never were going to be long term," she smiles and I hug her tightly.

"Thanks," I mutter into her shoulder.

Before I realise it it's nearly two in the morning and I am dead on my feet I'm so exhausted. "Draco, I'm really tired," I mutter to him as he stands next to me, turning round he examines me briefly his smile fading slightly as he sees how tired I am.

"I'm sorry baby I should have noticed,"

"No I was having fun don't be sorry but can we go to bed now please?" I feel like a child as I say this but when he smiles gently down at me my heart feels full and happy, even more so as he catches Ron's eye and I feel his strong arms wrap round my waist.

"Right well, I guess we'll see you in the morning then," Ron says after he has tucked me in to my bed.

"What, no," I almost scream sitting up again, "Please… please don't leave me here alone, stay with me both of you please," I beg

"Hey, okay it's okay," Draco coos sitting on the edge of my bed, "We'll stay," and with that they both quickly got undressed and into pyjamas they conjured. And slipped into bed beside me just as they had the night before,

"I'm sorry," I mutter sleepily, "I'm just not ready to be by myself yet, I know it sounds stupid but I'm scared that this is all a dream or something,"

"It's not stupid honey, we understand," Ron whispers kissing my shoulder blade, as I drift to sleep feeling them both beside me protecting me.

In the morning as I wake I realise that they are both sitting on the end of my bed waiting for me to wake and they smile when I sit up, before passing me a bowl of porridge which causes a flicker of fear to pass through me before I accept it and begin to eat a few mouthfuls.

"Are you ready to tell us now, about the eating?" Draco asks gently and I look at them both for a while before nodding and setting my bowl down on the bedside table.

"If I'm honest it started a long time ago," I start, taking a breath I make sure they are comfortable and listening and then I launch into the whole story. "I never had much food growing up, it was a bit like first come first served and it was a big punishment, one of their favourite," I break off smiling bitterly, "I was always in trouble they didn't like me, said I was too pretty and I wasn't normal, so I went without my meals as punishment, then when my magic started showing I got beaten too, once I got beaten whilst at dinner, the guy who ran it… he took off his belt and whipped me until I bled, and then forced food down my throat until I choked and was sick. I'm glad you didn't see that memory the other night," I add as an afterthought as I relive it in my head. "I don't even remember what I had done wrong," I pause again and look at their faces full of anguish, making tears bristle in my eyes. "Anyway it all got better when I came to Hogwarts, I only had to worry about it when it was summer, then that summer happened, he… he… that guy he used to try and touch me at dinner and say what he was going to do to me, I kind of lost my appetite then, and after he raped me it was like I couldn't even look at food. Ever since then it became a coping thing, when my life got out of control and out of balance I tried to restore it by controlling the only thing I could my eating. That's why when you left, when you both left, when I found out about my parents, whenever any of that stuff that made me feel like I was out of control happened I stopped eating because I felt like it was my only grip on life and control." I finish and feel myself flush with embarrassment as I stare down at my hands.

"I'm sorry you ever had to go through that," a voice says from the doorway and all three of us look round to see Harry standing in the doorway.

"It wasn't your fault," I say smiling weakly at him.

"But I feel like you have been through so much, been hurt so much… I've seen how you suffered,"

"So have you, look Harry it was a lot to take in, finding out that my parents gave me away before they died, it was like everything they told me at the orphanage about them not wanting me anyway was true," I pause and take a breath as I sit facing now three very grave faces, as I focus on Harry. "I was angry, and I'm ashamed of myself for it now, I never missed out, you have been my best friend and my brother since we were eleven anyway. Now I just get to keep you even closer forever, it explains a lot, and there's still a lot to figure out, but none of this is your fault. Besides," I smile, "You have to buy extra big presents for birthdays and Christmas now," and I laugh as he throws a cushion at me.

"I'm glad you don't hate me," he says,

"I could never hate you," I smile back, "Hey I might try and speak to Dumbledore again soon will you guys be there with me?" they all stare at me in utter shock for a few moments before nodding their heads in agreement.


	12. Chapter 12

It's been nearly four months now since my last trip to St Mungo's and I can honestly say I'm happy, using magic we have merged three of the cottage's together to make a sort of second Burrow. We talked briefly about moving away, using Draco's inheritance to buy somewhere new, but in the end none of us really wanted to leave the Burrow not even Draco. In fact he used some of his money (since his parents died and he inherited everything he became very rich, even more so when he sold the manor. He said he wanted nothing to do with them and that included the hell hole he grew up in. that hell hole gave him about 3 million galleons extra, to add to his fortune of at last count 80 million galleon's, I know insane right the bloke is insanely rich its actually quite obscene) the money from the house he used to completely do up the Burrow, surrounding land and our cottages, Mrs and Mr W were against it at first but once he explained to them that he felt like they had been better family to him than his own ever had and that not only did he want to repay their kindness but build a home for him to live in with their daughter (me) and Ron and none of us could bare to leave they agreed. I am healthier and have put on nearly three stone, I look normal again, my scars have faded mostly and you can no longer see every bone, I have curves now in all the right places and my boobs are back to a proper size too. It's nearly Christmas, our first since the war and so much has happened that we've got through I want to make it special.

"Mrs Weasley,"

"JJ really,"

"Sorry mum," I say smiling at her as she beams back at me, "Ginny, Hermione you too, I need to talk to you three," I say with a conspiratorial wink.

"What's up?" Ginny asks sitting down at the table opposite me,

"Tell us I know that look, what are you planning?" Hermione laughs,

"I seriously can't get over how awesome this place looks," I say staring round,

"This is the only room that wasn't really changed just made bigger to fit the huge family we have now in," Mrs Weasley laughs

"Exactly," I beam as she smiles down at me, "I love it here, I'm never going to leave, except to go to my house about thirty metres away," I laugh.

"Stop changing the subject," the girls chip in.

"Oh yeah, so I want to make Christmas special this year to show how far we've come, I wanted to have a party in the garden here, the week before Christmas, it will be black tie and ball gowns and I thought we could all go shopping for our dresses this weekend, and sort everything out and make it a surprise, just tell them they need dress robes, and then send them off for the day to get ready somewhere while we set up what do you think?" I finish holding my breath as I wait for an answer.

"I think it's a brilliant idea," Mrs Weasley shouts,

"Amazing,"

"New dresses,"

"Let's start looking at themes now," the girls smile and I conjure the magazines, within half an hour we have picked a theme, winter wonderland, booked the caterers, organised a DJ and got the magic marquee people coming to set up on the day, and the magic effects guys are coming to cast a winter wonderland enchantment.

"Now the boys," I say slightly breathless, as I sit back.

"I love magic, we're having a huge secret party in a week and we've already pretty much done it," Hermione exclaims.

"That reminds me invites," Ginny says, and so we spend the next hour putting together the list of guests sending invites and making sure that they know it's a secret and to not mention it. The only boy being let in on the secret is Mr Wealsey and he has already told the boys they all need to be out of the house all day next Saturday, to Christmas shop and get away from the girls, doing cooking, cleaning and wrapping. All the boys readily agree.

We head out on the next day, Saturday, and find the perfect dresses, mine is so beautiful I want to cry, none of the boys have ever seen me dressed up before, and well this will make an impact, it's a baby blue ball gown, with a corseted bodice encrusted with crystals and showing just the right amount of cleavage and then it flows out in layers of light blue silk to the floor. I feel like a princess as I twirl in it.

It's Friday night, tomorrow morning the boys will head off for the day, Mr W has all their dress robes stashed away and will get them to put them on just before coming home, and we… we have a lot to do. We have dinner on our own just the three of us tonight, I sit at the table and pick at my food unable to eat much I'm so nervous and excited about tomorrow, you see I have my own surprise for everyone too, I haven't told anyone but I'm going to sing, and I'm terrified.

"JJ, what's wrong are you feeling okay?" Draco asks looking worriedly at me as I put my fork down having barely touched my food.

"Huh? Oh no I'm fine just tired," I lie, but I know they don't believe me.

"Honey you need to tell us, what's happened," Ron says getting up and moving next to me taking my hand in his. I look up at him and smile reaching out I stroke my hand across his cheek.

"Guy's seriously I'm okay," I smile, "look at me, I'm not starving myself again I promise I'm just not that hungry tonight, but I love you both for caring,"

"Of course we care we love you," Draco says slightly affronted, and I sit myself in his lap and hold him close

"I know you do," I whisper, smiling as I feel him shiver slightly. "Right well off to bed lots to do in the morning," I chirp jumping up and running upstairs as they stare after me before cleaning up and following me. At about 2am I wake up feeling suddenly starving, the boys either side of me are fast asleep, so I slowly wiggle out from between them and make my way quietly down stairs so as not to wake them. I make myself a sandwich and sit at the kitchen table humming quietly to myself as I eat.

"Baby," a sleepy voice says from the doorway and looking up I see a very sleepy looking Draco standing there in nothing but some pyjama pants.

"Hey," I smile "did I wake you?"

"No," he smiles back walking slowly towards me, "Ron's snoring woke me,"

"Oh," I look at him as he watches me chew, "I was really hungry, see I told you I wasn't starving myself," I smile, standing up and taking my now empty plate to the sink. I feel his strong arms wrap around me and I rest my head back on his chest and stay there for a minute before turning round in his arms and putting my own arms around his neck. "Thank you"

"For what?" he whispers,

"Everything, you have no idea how happy I am with you, with both of you," I breathe

"You make us happy, you make me feel lucky every day, I love you so much," he says before leaning down and kissing me, I kiss him back and it is a long lingering kiss that I never want to end. This is how it works now we haven't quite sorted out everything, like the whole sex thing, I'm a bit scared to bring it up, but for now I am content with moments like this with both the boys.

"Come on lets go back to bed before Ron wakes up and gets worried," I whisper eventually holding his hand, his other hand touching my waist as we head back up stairs.

The next morning we are all awake and ready by half 7, although I did have to do a lot of moaning to get it that way, but by eight all the boys are gone, all the professionals are here and the whole place is in utter chaos.

By five that evening I am standing gaping at the most amazing winter wonderland party marquee ever! There is snow everywhere, and the marquee is enchanted like the great hall to look like it is snowing outside. Everything is white and diamond and it makes me want to cry it is so perfect.

"Hey JJ," I turn around tears of joy glistening in my eyes, "We've got to go get ready, it's nearly time and the hair and make-up witches are here," Ginny says smiling at me as she pulls me inside and up to her room.

"It's time," Hermione says and I glance up at her almost scared,

"You look beautiful, both of you," I say to Hermione and Ginny who are standing in front of me, Ginny in a red gown Hermione in a pink one.

"You look like a princess, you're stunning," Ginny says and I smile nervously at her. Then holding my hands they pull me towards the door, I have my hair pinned up with curly tendrils around my face and a tiara that matches the diamond necklace and earrings. As we head down the stairs I can hear the sounds of the party in full swing, I look over at the two girls standing next to me nervously.

"They're here don't worry, they're just inside," Hermione whispers as she lets go of my hand and the two enter the marquee to the sounds of cheers and clapping, taking a deep breath I shakily step forward and through the entrance. There is a hushed silence as soon as I walk through and looking up I can see a sea of faces staring back at me, smiling and clearly impressed which makes me breath slightly more easily. And then I spot them, they are standing side by side looking so handsome, and they are both gaping at me mouths open, before they have the chance to head towards me, I quickly make for the stage and call for silence. Everyone is now in shock I haven't warned of this at all. Clearing my throat nervously a hush falls over the crowd and everyone turns to look at me, I clear my throat.

"Hey everyone… I… I just want to start by saying thanks to all of you for coming tonight," I break off for a second trying to gather my thoughts nerves making me tingle all over and then I see Draco and Ron step forward to the front of the crowd and my nerves disappear. "It's been a really long year, sometimes it's hard to believe that it's only been a year so much has happened. We've fought a war and won, but not without loss and sacrifice. It's been hard on everyone and I want to personally thank everyone here tonight for being loyal and true friends, we are so blessed to have all of you with us. Anyway I wanted to have this party tonight to show that the dark times are truly over, happiness and love have won. But in particular I want to thank a special group of friends and family. The Weasley's have spent their lives helping others and have become my family over the last seven years, they took me in when I was alone and they took care of me, they sacrificed so much to help us win the war and they deserve to be thanked," I break off here as a huge round of applause and cheering echo's throughout venue and I smile at the red faces of all the Weasley's below me. "Then to Harry who I recently found out is actually my twin brother," whispering fills the tent at this point, "I know I was shocked too, but then I thought about it and I realised that whether I knew it was by blood or not he has been my family, my brother for the past seven years anyway, and he won us the war, without him none of us would be standing here today," another cheer rings round. "And Hermione, my beautiful and clever best friend, you have supported me through so much and let's be honest without your brains we'd have all been dead years ago," a laugh and a cheer for her as she blushes furiously. "Finally I want to say a special thank you to two very special people who I love with all my heart, without them I would definitely not be standing here today, they have saved my life so many times and honestly I'm not sure they even know it, so… I'd like to sing a song dedicated to them, to all our loved ones and to our friends that fell in the war." I finish and there is silence as the music starts no-one has ever heard me sing before and they are waiting with anticipation. I can't stop the tingling that fills me again and the white glow that starts emanating from me, but it's calming, and I smile down at Draco and Ron who relax at seeing that this is a new version of the light, the first time it seems to be positive.

Love me tender,  
Love me sweet,  
Never let me go.  
You have made my life complete,  
And I love you so.

Love me tender,  
Love me true,  
All my dreams fulfilled.  
For my darlin I love you,  
And I always will.

Love me tender,  
Love me long,  
Take me to your heart.  
For it's there that I belong,  
And well never part.

Love me tender,  
Love me dear,  
Tell me you are mine.  
Ill be yours through all the years,  
Till the end of time.

(when at last my dreams come true  
Darling this I know  
Happiness will follow you  
Everywhere you go).

As I am singing I am aware of my body trembling more although my voice stays steady, then images suddenly appear, exactly like they had that time under the stands when I was hiding. But this time it is happy memories, me entering the great hall for the first time, me meeting Harry, Ron and Hermione for the first time. My first Christmas at the Burrow, my first pile of birthday presents, my first kiss with Draco, my first kiss with Ron. All throughout the song the memories of my friendships and the people who fill the tent.

As I finish I look up and see that people are crying, and smiling and clapping and cheering and I flush as I thank them quickly and step down. My body weakened by the display I grapple for something to hold onto and breathe deeply to rid myself of the dizziness as strong arms wrap around me.

"That was incredible JJ," Ron manages after he has hugged me,

"You… you're… I… you're… I love you," is all Draco can manage, tears in his eyes as he kisses me gently on the cheek and places his arm around my waist.

The night goes by in a blissful merging of dancing and drinking and singing and laughing and talking. By three am everybody has headed home, we set up port keys and floo for them all. The cleaning crew has done their job and it's almost as if the marquee had never been there as I walk slowly back towards our cottage hand in hand with both Draco and Ron,

"Did you have fun?" I ask almost nervously as we get upstairs and I turn to face them.

"It was amazing,"

"The best night of my life," they both smile at me, and I smile back at them relieved

"Oh good, I was worried, I wanted it to be perfect to thank you for everything,"

"It was beyond perfect," Draco whispers as he steps forward and helps me undo the clasp on my dress that I have been struggling with.

"And were where you hiding that voice eh?" Ron asks before they both gulp slightly as I step out of the dress and am left standing in front of them in a corset, French knickers, stockings and my shoes.

"You get more beautiful every day," I blush not knowing what to say, as I turn away and then sitting on the edge of the bed take off my shoes and sigh at the blissful relief it brings. Suddenly they are both sitting next to me and gently pushing me backwards take a foot each to massage making me giggle.

"Can you wear dresses like that more often," Ron says quietly,

"Why?" I ask sleepily my eyes already closed,

"Because you look amazing in them and you looked happy,"

"Well I'd be happy in anything as long as I was with you two," I laugh, "But I did feel amazing in it, I've never even touched a dress that beautiful before, I felt like Cinderella when I was wearing it,"

"No, you were more beautiful than Cinderella," Draco whispers and I can tell he is smiling even though my eyes are closed.

Waking up I realise the boys have transfigured my corset top into a nightie and getting out of bed I put on one of Draco's shirts and a pair of Ron's boxers and transfigure it back to a corset and sigh slightly stroking my dress as I hang it up and head downstairs to get breakfast.

Two days later I wake with a start at six am when Ron shakes me shouting something, bleary eyed I sit up and my eyes pop open fully as I see the presents at the bottom of the bed.

"It's Christmas," Ron yells excitedly and the next few minutes go by in a happy blur of ripping paper, laughing and hugging and kissing. The boys have outdone themselves with jewellery and perfume, Draco bought Ron a new broom and I thought he would burst with excitement as he hugged him in thanks which made me smile from ear to ear. Ron bought Draco a broom servicing kit and new dress robes.

About two hours later we headed to the Burrow, a short two minute walk, and spent a happy morning exchanging presents with each other. Everybody has gone above and beyond this year in celebration. We all receive the trademark jumper from Mrs W which we all immediately put on, Draco has bought the twins a huge amount of materials for their development of products for their joke shop, and he bought Mr and Mrs W a weekend break in a city of their choice. Harry and Ginny received a champagne dinner and Charlie, Bill and their partners got spa breaks. Ron had bought everyone special gifts too, I was so happy watching everyone receive their gifts that I hadn't even noticed I hadn't got any yet.

"JJ,"

"Baby, it's your turn," I look up and smile around at the all,

"I don't need anything I have a family that's better than anything,"

"Well you could have said that before," Fred and George laugh as they drop a huge box in front of me which I eye warily.

"Is it safe?" I ask to which they nod and smiling I open the box, I pull out a cloak of blue silk with a white fur trim, I gasp as I look at it, and then tears shining in my eyes hug both boys tightly,

"It's so beautiful, I love it," I cry and the others all admire it too.

"Glad you like it," Harry says, as he hands me a box, "Means I think you'll like this too," I take it from him and opening it carefully pull out a similar cloak of deep red satin and I leap on him with excitement.

"There's more Dear," says Mr Weasley gently as he hands me a smaller box which I open with shaking hands, inside is a locket, a magically enhanced locket that when I open it all of the faces of my new family pop out in a little hologram waving at me. I hug them both and exclaim how they are all way too generous and that I don't deserve it. But they don't listen and next come the presents from Charlie, Bill and their partners a full makeover by professionals, massage and photo shoot and I get to keep the pictures too.

"Right last one…"

"Not quite," Hermione pipes up as she walks forward and hands me her present, I smile at her and open it eagerly as I see a beautiful notebook and quill set and I fling myself on her.

"It's perfect,"

"So that you can start writing your own beautiful songs to sing us," she smiles

"Before we go to dinner we just want to say something," everyone turns to face Draco, Ron and Harry as they stand in front of us all. Harry starts.

"Seventeen years ago there were two very lost, very damaged babies that had been torn apart by evil and heartbreak. They grew up and managed to survive in different but horrible living environments. Somehow they managed to stay sane and then one day they were saved. They had no idea they were connected, no idea that they were twins, but they found each other on their way to the school they both saw as salvation from an evil existence. And in that moment they also found two other very special people. On that day when those two were saved they found a family, not one they had been born into, but one that accepted them both with open arms, slowly fixing the wounds that years of neglect had made. You are my sister, you have always been my sister and you were my sister long before I knew how true those words were. We may have no-one left that is of our blood but we have the best family in the world and this is for you, for being the best sister, friend, daughter that anyone could ever want," he finishes and I am aware that all the girls are crying so don't feel quite so bad for my own tears as he hugs me tightly and presents me with a photo album. It is full of pictures of all the people I care about and I love it.

"So just quickly," and everyone turns their attention back to the two boys.

"Okay so we have one more present for you JJ," Ron starts,

"But we did presents earlier you can't have got me anymore that's too much," I try

"Too late, besides we want to say thank you. You taught me to love, you showed me that I could be who I wanted to be not what people expected. You brought me into a family that loved properly, that trusted and forgave, I can never thank you enough for doing that. You saved my life, if it wasn't for you then I… I don't like to think what would have become of me," Draco breaks off shuddering and Ron squeezes his shoulder reassuringly.

"Mind you, you nearly scared us all half to death too," Ron adds, to which everyone laughs, "Look JJ we just want to say that we love you, that we all love you so much and that you are a huge part of the family and always will be. But to me and Draco you are everything so…" he pulls out a large box and opening it I pull out a deep red ball gown encrusted with crystals and twinkling in the light, and then a green one and a pink one and a black one and even a purple one, I am almost sobbing with an overwhelming amount of emotion as I look at the incredible beauty of the dresses.

"Good job you've got a few dresses to wear to these now," a voice pipes up behind me and I see Hermione standing there with Dean holding a handful of dinner and theatre tickets.

"Thanks guys you're way to generous," I smile hugging them both,

"You deserve it all and more," Dean smiles pulling me towards him for another hug and holding onto me for a fraction too long and making me feel slightly uneasy,

"Thanks," I mutter feeling myself flushing and moving quickly towards Draco wrapping my fingers around his arm.

"You alright baby?" he asks looking down at me,

"Yeah… yeah I'm fine, just wanted to be close to you I guess," I smile and he laughs softly pulling me to him and kissing my temple.

The rest of the day and the following week goes by in a happy blur for me. I feel so full of love and happiness that I could burst with it and I am struggling with accepting it all without crying every two minutes and there is an uneasy feeling in the pit of stomach but I can't quite place it or understand it so I try to shrug it off and stay close to Draco and Ron.


	13. Chapter 13

Eventually things return to normal, everyone goes back to work and we start our first jobs having now been given our final qualifications from Hogwarts. Draco is working for the ministry as well as Harry and Hermione and Ron is playing quidditch. I am training to be an auror alongside Harry. Draco and Ron are not happy about it at all but they accept that it is my decision so don't go on too much about it. Although I sense that they may have said something to Harry as he staying extra close at the moment.

Anyway, as time goes on days stretch into weeks and every time I come home with an injury of any kind things kick off a bit at with the boys.

"I just don't see why you have to pick the most dangerous job," Draco sighs as I sit on the sofa Ron holding an ice pack to my leg grinning at me a bit, and I smile back, Draco has certainly become the slightly more overprotective one.

"It's not the most dangerous job babe, that would be an unspeakable,"

"It's still too bloody dangerous and I don't like seeing you hurt, haven't you been hurt enough," he grumbles.

"Draco please don't start an argument about it," I say quietly reaching out to him as he sinks into an armchair opposite us.

"How's Quidditch going?" he asks Ron deciding that changing the subject is the best idea,

"Yes," I smile, "I feel like I never see you anymore,"

"They keep me busy that's for sure," he laughs.

Things tick by and Ron is home, less and less these days and is often out with friends too which is fine, I'm glad he's meeting people, and Draco and I are happy to be with each other. Alarm bells start ringing in my head when I realise that I am perfectly happy to be with just Draco, that my skin tingles and responds to his touch in a way that it doesn't with Ron anymore. That I love Ron but lately it feels like we have become more like just very close friends than lovers. Then one night he comes home when Draco is working late and he has lipstick still on the corner of his mouth and I realise that I'm fine with it, that it's almost a relief that he is with other women.

"Ron," I say quietly.

"Yeah,"

"You… er… you have lipstick on your mouth," I say and he flushes furiously and wipes it away.

"I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay," I sigh stepping forward, "I guess I knew already,"

"You knew?"

"We've been drifting apart haven't we, I love you but I feel like that love has changed,"

"I know I would do anything for you but…"

"You're not in love with me anymore,"

"It's not that I will always be in love with you but I'm okay with that because I'm falling in love with other people too," I smile slightly at this statement knowing that he means well even if it does come out like that.

"Is she nice?" I ask gesturing at the lipstick,

"A fan," he shrugs, "I'll go stay with Harry for a while,"

"No, wait, use the guest room, this is still your house too, I don't want you to leave completely."

"Okay," he smiles.

The next day I leave for work early leaving Ron to explain to Draco, I am so distracted by the thought that they may fight, I know that they can both be a bit hot headed, that I don't even realise I am walking into a trap until it is too late. It was only supposed to be a simple mission with Harry to go and check out some dark artefacts reported in a muggle area. As soon as I touch the door handle I feel the pull behind my navel and I am transported by portkey to an unknown place fear grips me but then my training kicks in. Looking around wand drawn I realise that I am on a street corner, it is late probably early hours and this is a bad neighbourhood. I have no idea where in the world I am, all I know is that I am alone and that my only way to get home is to either find out where I am and send word, or hope against hope that the portkey will take me back. But first I have to assess the situation and try and work a few things out, I try my best to steady my breathing and my hand wand still out stretched. So this is what the remaining death eaters are doing, too afraid to face us themselves they are setting up situations in which they hope we will get wounded or killed. A crash to my right suddenly brings me back to be alert, I hide my wand from view realising that I am in a muggle area another smash and pain starts to seep through my brain and then there is chaos I see glass and feel it slicing my skin I reach out struggle away and grapple for the corner pulling myself away from them I manage to find the portkey and grab it. I land with a heavy thump back where we had started Harry is by my side as I whimper in pain and tell him sorry before I pass out.

Third person POV

Suddenly with a thump she reappeared landing awkwardly on the floor and crying out in pain, in a second Harry was by her side as she whispered she was sorry through her crying and then passed out, the blood was everywhere all over her clothes and now his ropes as well, a nasty cut on her forehead refused to stop bleeding. Holding on to her he disaparated to St Mungo's calling out for help as soon as he arrived. The healers took her away, and he called the ministry to send Draco a message. Then he stood and watched as they extracted glass from her body. She was laying on her side facing away from me and naked apart from the waist up and every inch of her seemed to be wounded he suddenly became aware of someone talking to him.

"Are you a relative?"

"Er yes, I'm her brother… her twin, what's happening is she going to be okay?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, that wouldn't normally be a problem in its self but there appears to be something wrong with her heart," his own heart sinks as he hears this, suddenly remembering what had been said all those months ago when she was recovering from the war, they had said something like this.

"She was hit with the killing curse… twice… Voldemort… in the war… she's the one that saved us all… it was her not me… but it… it damaged her," he stutters and she stares at him in shock for a second.

"Right well we'll do the best we can," the healer rushed over to the bed to relay this news and Harry sunk into a chair his head in his hands.

"Where is she? What happened?" a voice screams making Harry jump up, Draco is even paler than usual as he rushes towards Harry,

"She… it was a trap, she got transported by portkey I don't where to or what happened there yet, but she came back and there was blood everywhere. They've pulled all the glass out of her,"

"Glass?"

"Yeah it was embedded in her skin, but something's wrong with her heart, we have to wait," and with that Draco collapsed into a chair sobbing as Harry tried his best to comfort him.

"I knew this was too dangerous, I tried to stop her doing this stupid job, but she always had to prove something," he sobs out from between his fingers his body shaking as he tries to get a grip on himself.

"Where's Ron he should be here," said Harry quietly

"He's moving his stuff out he'll be here soon," Draco choked out.

"Moving his stuff out?" Harry asks looking confused.

"He's been seeing other women, he says he's spoken to Nat, she's okay with it but obviously its over in terms of a relationship,"

"Oh… I'm sorry," Harry manages not knowing what to say.

"It's okay if anything it's a relief to get back to something more normal, even if I will miss him being around. I guess it will be weird. Harry, what if she doesn't get better, if I'm all alone," he sobs suddenly.

"Shhh, it will never happen you will always have us, always and she will be fine, she's a fighter we know that she won't let this beat her."

"Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy, you should go get some rest, you've been here for hours," the healer said sometime later as the two men sat slumped in chairs.

"No, I need to see her first,"

"I'm afraid she's not ready for visitors yet, what about her family have they been told?"

"We are her family," Harry says before adding "Maybe I should tell the Weasleys and Hermione, will you be alright Draco until I get back?" Draco nods slowly never moving his eyes from the curtains pulled around her bed.

"What's wrong with her?" he asks suddenly

"She was hurt badly, in the muggle world she'd probably have died but with magic we were able to clean her up fairly easily. Her flesh wounds that is. Unfortunately the attack triggered something like residual dark energy, a result of the curse's she suffered during the war, and her heart has stopped beating, at the moment we have managed to get it beating again but at present she can't seem to breathe on her own. We are still working to try and revive her, but it is taking time,"

"I need to see her, please, I need to let her know I'm here,"

"I can't I'm afraid Mr Malfoy," a thought suddenly strikes him and he jumps up facing her in desperation.

"You don't understand her greatest fear is that we will leave her, abandon her like so many others have in the past. That I will leave her, I need to let her know I'm still here that I'm waiting for her," he cries out as he says it breathing heavily

"Well she probably won't be able to hear you, but I guess it can't do any harm," he relaxes slightly and lets out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. "But just for a minute you understand and you have to prepare yourself for the way she looks," he nods and follows her into the cubicle. When he sees her he lets out an audible gasp and grabs at the chair next to the bed in order to keep from falling. She looked even paler than she had that day in the Hogwarts grounds at the end of the war. It brought so many memories back to see her lying injured pale and silently unaware. Bruises and cuts were visible across her shoulders and chest but were nearly healed, there was a large cut across her forehead that was also healing but had caused one of her eyes blacken. She had tubes helping her to breath and he stifled a sob as he touched her cold skin.

"JJ, hey it's me Draco," he whispers as he leans forward gently brushing her hair out of the way so he can speak quietly into her ear. "So listen baby I really need you to wake up for me okay, I'm right here I'm not going anywhere okay, I'm just on the other side of the curtain here and I'm not leaving I promise. Harry is here too, and Ron and the others are on their way so you need to wake up so you can say hello to them," he pauses again and plants a soft kiss on her cheek bone "I need you to come back to me baby okay, you always said you were scared I would leave you well I'll tell you a secret… I'm petrified that you are going to leave me and go somewhere I can't follow you, so come home to me now okay," he kisses her again and then standing up is ushered out by the healer. A few minutes later the whole family arrive looking worried and pale, Mrs Weasley wraps Draco in a hug and he breaks down completely sobbing into her shoulder as the others stand around looking worried.

A few hours later and some good news at last,

"Mr Malfoy, Mr Potter," the healer says approaching and looking warily at the Weasley's,

"They are her family," Harry explains quickly and the healer nods before continuing,

"She has started breathing on her own now, she woke briefly not long ago and we were able to access and fix the damage, she will be weak for a long time, I think bed rest for at least a month to be on the safe side, but she will be ready to go home once she is awake," tears of relief form and then start to roll down the faces of those gathered there as the sigh and sit down to wait for her to wake up.


	14. Chapter 14

JJ's POV

Stirring I open my eyes, I feel groggy and heavy and my chest aches like I have been running for hours in icy winds. Gazing around me I realise that I am once again in a hospital bed, sighing I wince as I try to move, and every inch of me hurts and it hurts to breathe too.

"Draco," I gasp out, surprised at how husky and breathy my voice is as I struggle to speak. "Draco," I say again and then I hear a sudden movement and a curtain is flung aside as a pale and dishevelled looking Draco appears, tears in his red rimmed eyes as he walks to me collapsing at my side and burying his head into my side as he weeps.

"Baby, I was so scared, it reminded me…"

"JJ you're okay thank God," Harry cries as he too rushes to me and kisses me lightly on the head. I look at him and note that his robes are covered in dried blood, I widen my eyes in alarm, "It's yours Nat, do you remember what happened?"

I nod my head but opening my mouth only manage to say, "It hurts to talk," he nods at me and then says "Then don't talk just rest and recover okay," I smile at him weakly my hand still tangled in Draco's hair as I try to comfort him.

"Hey Sweetheart," Mrs Weasley say's gently and I can see she too has been crying and I feel guilty for once again putting them all through it, "Now Harry has told me that you can't really talk right now so don't okay," I nod as reply, "The healers have demanded at least a months bed rest…" I immediately fidget and wince and gasp in pain as I try to protest but Draco soothes me quickly and I calm down to listen to her. "But we can take you home now, you have to understand JJ that you are very weak, we are none of us prepared to lose you so you will do what you are told at home or we'll bring you straight back here," I nod once again in compliance, at least I get to go home. "Okay good, now you are not strong enough to travel magically, so Arthur has got us a ministry car to drive us home the others will apparate.

An hour later, complete with a whole host of potions that I am to take, and dressed in clean and comfortable clothes, Draco gently lifts me to him and I hold on to him as he carries me to the car. We sit in silence on the journey home, Draco's arms still wrapped round me, he hasn't let go of me at all yet, my head on his shoulder. We haven't spoken at all since I woke and I am feeling a bit worried about him to be honest, but tiredness takes me and I drift into sleep. I wake with a start after a nightmare and I grapple with the sheet for a while and then grab my chest as it tightens, before strong arms wrap themselves around me and I relax and breathe and the pain subsides to a dull ache as he holds me and we lay in silence until morning.

Three days later and we still haven't spoken, my voice is back, although I am still too weak to even attempt walking alone. He sits by my side, he holds me he kisses my head and hands. At night I hear him crying and my guilt overwhelms me.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I cry as on the fifth night I listen to him sob quietly. He sits up abruptly and stares down at me, "I'm so sorry, please don't be angry at me anymore, I can't take it, I need to hear your voice, I need you to tell me that you still love me, that I haven't lost everything, please Draco, please don't hate me I can't bare it I need you to tell me it's going to be okay," I cry my own sobs beginning to make my body shake.

"I… I don't hate you, I just can't express to you how scared I was that I would lose you, I have never felt fear like I did then. I have told you before you are my life, without you I am nothing," he is breathing heavily through his tears as he says this and reaching up I place my arms around his neck and he pulls me gently to him, onto his lap as he rests his back against the head board.

"I'm so sorry, I love you so much," I breathe into his neck as I taste the salt of my own tears when I kiss his skin. Gently he pulls me away from him and holding a hand to either side of my head kisses me softly again and again.

"Just promise me you'll do what you have to, to get better,"

"I promise, if you promise me you'll be here every night to hold me,"

"Forever," he smiles and I smile back sighing in contentment as he lays us both down and I feel him against my back, solid and safe.

The next morning after he helps me dress and has brought me breakfast he carries me downstairs and across to the Burrow, I spend my days laying on the sofa, in front of the fire with Mrs Weasley, I read and practice simple household spells, and other spells that don't require too much energy or effort, between mum, Fleur and Courtney (Bill and Charlie's wives) I am well looked after and as the days stretch into weeks I become increasingly agitated and frustrated too. I am feeling stronger and better but they're having none of it as they keep me to my bed rest.

By week six I am going crazy and after a massive tantrum Draco takes me to St Mungo's where they tell me that I am now okay to be out of bed although I must not go back to auror work for a few months yet, I can in a month's time go back to desk duty jobs.

"So baby shall we go out to celebrate tonight?

"Yes please lets, where too?"

"Oh I have somewhere in mind" he says mystically as he trots off ahead of me for a minute, before quickly coming back and sweeping me up in his arms to take me home. Since I have now been cleared to travel by magic as long as I have someone else with me, and I can apparate just not on my own, I have no idea where he is taking me tonight.

I spend the rest of the afternoon getting ready he has told me to dress to impress so I have called upon Hermione and Ginny, they have both taken the afternoon off work to come help me. Eventually we decide on the black evening gown the boys got me for Christmas, it is tight fitting and I have to admit I look incredible in it. Hermione fixes my hair so that it is long and straight, with a ribbon holding back some of the front. Ginny has done my make up for me and as I stand up in a pair of black stilettos I gasp as I see myself in the mirror. The dress is floor length backless and has a slit up to the middle of my thigh on one side. It has two chains of diamonds holding the back in place and a further chain of diamonds acting as a halter as it dips down just enough at the front. The whole thing is figure hugging and it's incredible,

"I… I look…"

"You look incredible, the most beautiful you have ever looked," I spin round to see Ron standing in the doorway and I leap into his arms to give him a massive hug.

"I've missed you," I whisper

"I've missed you more, I heard you were making a full recovery, I'm so sorry I couldn't be here,"

"It's okay, although when you get the chance it would be nice to have a catch up, I know Draco misses you too," I say almost sadly and he nods and smiles in agreement before shooing me on my way downstairs and watches with the girls looking proud.

"Wow, you look so beautiful," I blush as Draco kisses me and stands there admiring me. Then grabbing hold of me by my waist and wrapping me tightly into his embrace he disapparates and when I open my eyes again we are standing on top of the Eiffel tower, I stare up at him in open mouthed wonder.

"It's amazing," I gasp as I stare out over Paris and I can feel tears bristling in my eyes as I feel his arms wrap around me and I lean back against his toned chest.

"I have to ask you something JJ," he says suddenly and I turn to look at his now serious face and for a moment I feel the worry pass across mine as neither of us speak for a few minutes. "When I was lost, alone and afraid, I was still a child and you found me and saved me. I know I have tried to thank you before but it never seems to come out right, I never seem to be able to show you how much you truly mean to me. You saved my life, before I even really knew how much danger I was in. I fell so deeply in love with you that there were times when I felt physical pain when we were apart." He sighs and I smile at him gently encouraging him to continue, "I think the day that Harry contacted me to tell me you had been hurt at work and when I got there and heard how bad it was, I realised just how much I had taken advantage of you. I have nearly lost you several times now and it is only this last time that I truly learnt how awful my life would be without you in it. I need you. I need to fall asleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning. So JJ Potter, (I have changed my name back to Potter after finding out I was a Potter and Heely was just a name they made up when they hid me) will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" he gets down on one knee as he asks me this and pulls out a beautiful huge diamond engagement ring. I stare from it to him and slowly a huge smile spreads across my face as I begin to nod and eventually murmur and then shout the words,

"Yes, yes, YES," as I leap into his arms and crying kiss him passionately, as he slips the ring on to my finger.

"You mean it?" he says for the thousandth time an hour later as we sit at a little restaurant in Paris overlooking Notre Dame Cathedral.

"Draco," I smile at him, "stop asking me, I love you, more than anything, you," I grasp his hand as I say this, "are my entire world so yes I am completely, definitely, absolutely sure,"

Two hours later we apparate back to find a small marquee up in the garden and all our friends and family standing with glasses of champagne cheering as we walk in, I stare at them speechless before turning back to Draco again and smiling.

Wedding plans have been in full swing for a while now, I am back at work full time and whilst I have noticed that since I went back to work Draco has become paler and more tense, I just kind of put it down to wedding stress. One night when I am late home I find him pacing and sweating, and notice him physically relax when I walk in, and try to hide it from me.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask apprehension filling me as I look at the lines of worry on his face.

"Nothing, I'm okay just thinking about the wedding," he says smiling as he walks over to kiss me, "Shall we watch some TV before bed?" I nod and follow him into the living room. He lied to me, he's never lied to me before, except when he was under the imperious curse, what the hell is going on. I make up my mind that night whilst I'm tossing and turning to go see Harry in the morning and find out.

"Harry," I call out as I see him heading for the apparition site

"Hey sis what's up?" he asks turning to me and waiting for me to catch him up.

"It's Draco," I pant as I reach him,

"Oh, so you know,"

"Know? Know what?" I ask realising that my voice has risen slightly in worry.

"Oh, nothing…"

"No. Stop. Don't lie to me Harry, he already did and I'm scared, has he changed his mind about marrying me?"

"No of course he hasn't," he says dragging me into a clearing to sit and talk as he does so, looking quite angry. I follow obediently feeling extremely nervous and panicky.

"Please Harry, tell me what's wrong," I say tearfully once we are sat down, and his expression softens slightly.

"He's worried about you JJ, he's terrified that you'll get hurt again now you're back at work," I stare at him for a while before relief floods me and I smile and then begin to laugh out load.

"But that's ridiculous I'm fine, I'm good at my job he has no reason to worry,"

"Really JJ because the last time I checked he has plenty of reason," the harshness of his voice makes me stop laughing suddenly and stare up at him as he begins pacing in front of me growing more and more agitated as he begins to shout at me. "The last time I looked you had escaped death, pretty narrowly more times than most. We have nearly lost you… he has nearly lost you 5 times now. You are the biggest threat to the dark arts other than me. Together we are responsible for Voldemort's death that means that any death eaters still out there, and we both know there are a few, are out for your blood. And you're saying he has nothing to worry about," he finishes breathing heavily and red in the face.

"But I'm fine, I was fine, I am fine." I stutter,

"You didn't see him JJ, when you got hurt last time, I thought he would die. I watched him break in front of me. You may think you know how he feels about you, but I'm not sure any of us realised how much he loves you until that night. If you died he would die of that I am certain. Can you honestly not understand how much it scares him that you're out there and could get hurt without him there to protect you? I know that you love your job and you want to help, but you could do anything at the ministry to help and at some point you have to make a decision. Being an auror or being with Draco, he's making himself sick JJ, I'm… we're really worried about him, but he won't listen to us he won't listen to anyone." He pauses again looking down at me and then says more gently "Look just think about it JJ, take today off and really think it through, I'll cover for you," he says giving me a hug and leaving me sat on the floor in the forest.


	15. Chapter 15

I sit there mouth slightly open still trying to absorb all the information I have just been given. Draco's making himself sick, I never even noticed. I'm supposed to make him happier than anyone else and instead I'm killing him. He has stood by my, cared for me, looked after me and I didn't even notice what I was doing to him. There is no decision to make. I get up and walk quickly back to our house, quietly I open the door and slip in closing it behind me, as I get to the kitchen doorway I stand there and watch him sitting at the table, his head in his hands, despair pouring out of him, my breath catches in my throat and he looks up suddenly his silver eyes meeting mine, anguish in his every feature.

"I'm so sorry," I gasp out before I break down in tears and sink slowly to the floor, he gets up quickly and walks to me sinking down onto the floor next to me and taking me into his arms gently.

"Shhh, what are you sorry for baby?" he whispers as he rocks me, the sobs shaking my body.

"For doing this to you, I was so selfish I didn't realise, I didn't see it. I'm quitting, I won't do it anymore,"

"JJ no, you love it, you love your job I'll be fine," he says gently

"No." I almost shout pulling away from him and grasping his head in my hands, "don't you see nothing means anything without you, I don't want it if it makes you unhappy, I'm supposed to make you happy and from now on that means not scaring you so I quit," I say tears still rolling down my face, and I can see them shining in his eyes too.

"You mean it?" he says his voice cracking. I nod at him and then wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck breathing in his scent, holding him to me hoping that I never had to let go.

By the time the others are due home from work that night I have flooed to the head aurors office and had a long discussion with him. We have agreed that I will end my time with the department, he realised what was happening and was very understanding,

"You're not even 18 years old yet JJ, we all understand how much you have been through, you will be well compensated for your injuries and please take some time off, enjoy life and when you come back in a year or so we will find the perfect job for you in the ministry," he smiles and relieved I smile back at him. I head home and tell Draco who already looks a thousand times more relaxed and at ease.

"Hey guys we… I have something to tell you all," I say at dinner that night. They all stop what they are doing and look at me.

"Go on JJ tell us," Harry prompts and I smile at him, knowing that he already has a suspicion what it is.

"Well, there's been a lot going on lately, and I've overlooked how things have affected those closest to me," I glance at Draco and notice George grab his shoulder and give him a sympathetic look, my guilt increases again as I realise I must really have been the only one who didn't notice. "I had a talk to Harry this morning and he told me a few home truths. I didn't realise how selfish I was being, and well anyway to cut a long story short I have had a long chat with the head auror and I have decided to stop working there for now at least. And when I do return to the ministry it will be to do something different, but for now I'm going to enjoy being happy, and besides I have a wedding to plan and my 18th birthday in two weeks," I sit down flushing slightly scared that they might think I was being stupid or pathetic but they aren't they agree with me and support me.

"How you feeling about it all?" I hear Harry ask Draco and I subtly step towards them without either of them noticing so that I can hear what he says.

"I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing that she's safe,"

"You certainly look happier," Harry says

"I just hope she's going to be okay, I can't help thinking it would have been nice to have Ron here to talk things through with, I miss him Harry," he sighs and I feel a pang in my stomach as I realise how much I miss Ron too.

"I know mate me too," Harry says, I move away from them and signal for the twins to follow me to a corner of the kitchen where we won't be overheard.

"What's up JJ?" George says,

"Good decision by the way," adds Fred smiling and squeezing my hand briefly.

"Thanks, and I need your help," I say to them and they raise eyebrows

"Go on, we're listening," they say in unison

"I just overheard Harry and Draco talking and I still have a lot of making up to do to both of them, they really miss Ron, I really miss him. I can't help feeling that it's at least partly my fault he's not really around anymore, I need you to help me bring him home," I look at them pleadingly.

"JJ we love you and we'd do anything for you, but he's not going to be easy to bring back," Fred mutters. I nod looking suddenly glum and I can feel tears prickling in my eyes as I sniff.

"JJ don't cry, we'll do all we can," I nod again and hug them both tightly, before wiping my eyes and returning to the rest of the family.

Later that night while we're getting ready for bed I sit on the edge of the bed and pause while taking off my tights and sit in silence contemplating how my life has changed and what I now need to do.

"Baby,"

"Huh?"

"What's wrong? Are you angry about having to leave work?" I look up at him standing in front of me a towel wrapped around his waist his platinum hair still damp, and I smile.

"No," I say standing up and running my hands through his hair I look him in the eye and say solemnly "No baby, I was just thinking about how different things will be that's all,"

"In a good way?"

"I love you so much, in a week I get to celebrate my 18th birthday with you, in six months I get to marry you, I never thought I would be this lucky, I'm happier than I ever have been when I'm with you,"

"Good," he says as he kisses me before sweeping me up in my arms and carrying me to the bed tripping as he reaches it and causing us to both land in a giggling heap on the mattress.

"Six months baby can you believe it?" he says quietly when our giggles have subsided and we are lying still in each other's arms.

"I know there's still so much left to do," I mutter back, shivering slightly as the cool breeze catches my bare skin,

"JJ you're freezing," he says concern in his voice as he touches my arm,

"I'm okay, seriously stop worrying so much I'm here and I'm staying here, right here okay?" he nods and I smile at him, shivering again at which point he pulls me up and grabbing his wand conjures pj's for us both and pulls me back to him for a quick kiss before we climb into bed and I relax into him.

The next morning I get to work as soon as Draco has left for the ministry. Fred and George have done a lot of research overnight and have tracked him down to a town in Norfolk so concentrating hard I apparate and find myself outside a bedsit. Knocking on the door I hop from one foot to the other in cold and anticipation.

"JJ," a gravelly voice says in shock as I stare back equally as shocked at the dishevelled man that was Ron.

"Ron hey," I say shakily still trying to take in his appearance, he stands aside and I walk in to the tiny flat. It is as messy and as unkempt as he is. "What happened?" I ask unable to hide the worry from my voice.

"What do you mean?" he asks feigning ignorance.

"Ron, please don't lie to me," I ask sounding almost desperate,

"JJ, it's… it's complicated," he sighs

"So, I'm listening,"

"It's not that simple I don't want to talk about it, you don't want to hear about it," he states.

"How dare you say that," I shout suddenly standing up as he looks at me in shock opening his mouth but I don't give him the chance to say anything, a faint orange glow already emanating from me as my anger grows. "How dare you think I wouldn't want to know, that I wouldn't care, you think I stopped loving you just because you weren't there, you're the one that walked out on me not the other way around, I still love you even if you don't love me anymore, you're my best friend. I have missed you every day, Draco has been going through so much and you weren't there, we needed you. You need us. Why won't you tell me what's going on?" I finish a strangled sob escaping me as I sink down onto the chair again the glow still pulsating around me wiping my energy out as it does.

"I'm sorry," he whispers after a while, "After you got hurt, I felt so guilty, I thought it was my fault because of everything that had happened. I couldn't stand to be around everyone blaming me, to be around my own thoughts of how I blamed myself. I left, went to stay with Emma but all I could think about was you and Draco and I started drinking more and more, then I found out that you were okay but by that time I had already been kicked off the team and out of Emma's. Since then I've been living off my savings laying low and trying to figure out what to do,"

"Come home," I say quietly

"I can't, how am I supposed to come home and tell everyone I'm a failure at everything, that I have nothing, that I ruined everything, they were so proud and I have thrown everything away, I left you again, why are you even here JJ, I have let you down too many times, I have nothing left, I'm not worth it," he puts his head in his hands as he says this.

"You have me, you have us, all of us, you always will no matter what," I say in an exasperated voice,

"That's easy to say when you're an auror and so is Harry and Draco works for the ministry and…"

"Not anymore,"

"What?"

"I'm not an auror anymore,"

"What? Why?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, after I was injured I had to take time off work, then when I went back I didn't even notice that it was killing Draco, he was so worried about me getting hurt again, he had no-one to talk to he wouldn't listen to anyone other than you but you weren't there. I nearly lost him because I was too stubborn and stupid to see it, I quit the ministry for a while, and when I go back it will be to a less dangerous job."

"Oh," I raise my eyebrow at him as if expecting more of a reaction than that, "I'm sorry I wasn't there,"

"It's okay, but you need to come home now, Draco and Harry need you they miss you so much, I need you,"

"I can't JJ, it's too hard,"

"Then you lied to me," I shout standing again the light growing stronger, the cluttered room shaking slightly.

"What?" he says looking up at me a confused and worried expression crossing his face, as he takes me in and notices that my power has clearly grown.

"You told me that you would always love me,"

"I do, I… I will," he stutters,

"No. if you can't see how you're breaking my heart then you never loved me, it was all a lie and I clearly never meant anything to you," I sigh tears filling my eyes as I struggle to turn and leave, grappling for something to hold on to as the light leaves and I feel suddenly drained and weak.

"JJ stop, don't ever say that of course I love you. I just don't see how I can face everyone as a failure," he starts jumping forward and gathering me up in his arms to stop me falling.

"You're not a failure, and no-one cares about anything other than you coming home we're all lost without you, nothing really makes sense without you there,"

"But what will I do,"

"Come home Ron, take one of the dozens of ministry jobs they've been trying to get you to take since we left school, be where you belong," I stare at him tears now flowing down my face knowing that I'm out of options if he still refuses me. He stares back at me for a long time before finally giving a small smile and nodding and I throw my arms around his neck holding him close and repeating the words thank you over and over again.

"RON," the scream is so loud that I think my eardrums may have burst and a second later he is torn from my side and pulled into the biggest hug I have ever seen,

"Mum, calm down," he manages

"Look at the state of you, a good bath and a shave should sort it out I suppose how long are you home for?"

"For…for good, if… if that's okay," he stutters glancing at me as I smile.

"Oh Ron, I'm so pleased," and he flushes an even deeper red as she bursts into tears and hugs him again.

Later that day Ron has cleaned himself up and looks the same as he always did and we are both sitting in the kitchen of the Burrow waiting for everyone else to get home so we can have a special dinner. He looks at me nervously as there is a noise outside and the voices of Fred, George, Harry, Draco, Bill, Charlie and dad can be heard.

"Don't worry you will be fine," I smile at him squeezing his hand under the table quickly as the door swings open. A deafening silence hangs over the room as they all pile in see Ron and stop short staring, and then a roar of excitement and happiness erupts as they rush over clapping Ron on the back and welcoming him home.

"How?" a voice asks me as I turn to see Draco and Harry staring at me in wonder,

"I heard you talking, and I missed him too, I just didn't realise how much until I heard you two talking, so I got Fred and George to track him down and then I went and begged him to come home,"

"Why did he stay away?" Harry asks

"He blamed himself for what happened to me, started drinking got kicked off his team, kicked out of his girlfriend's place and couldn't face coming home,"

"But you brought him home,"

"You made everything right again," I nod and fold myself into Draco's arms feeling happy that I have got Ron home but guilty that it was my fault he stayed away for so long.

"Ron can I ask you something?" Draco says suddenly pulling away from me and embracing his friend,

"Course mate anything, and listen sorry about not being here,"

"Doesn't matter, you're here now that's what's important. So will you be my best man?"

"Best man? You… you're getting married?" Ron stares at me then Draco and I nod shyly as a huge grin appears across his face,

"Yeah, asked her a couple of months ago," Draco grins back

"Of course I'll be best man, I can't believe it this is the best news I've had in ages," he laughs pulling Draco into a huge bear hug.

"Well it might get better little bro," George shouts from the other side of the table and we all turn to look at him,

"They want you to run the department of magical games,"

"What?" Ron screams astounded.

"He said the ministry have asked you to run the department of games, that means all the quidditch matches too," says Fred smiling widely as Ron almost bursts into tears with happiness.

The next hour is the happiest of my life so far, the whole family are back together and the Burrow is filled with the sound of happy chatter and laughter.

"Thank you,"

"For what?" I ask turning to see Harry facing me,

"For bringing him home and making everything better," he smiles hugging me,

"I did it for me too, it was hardly selfless," I grin back, "Hey Harry,"

"Yeah,"

"When I get married,"

"Yeah," he prompts again, as I try to gather my thoughts,

"Will you give me away, I mean you're my brother and all that's left of our real family, and it would mean a lot,"

"It would be an honour," he smiles hugging me gently and kissing me on the forehead.

A week later and I wake up on my birthday feeling more excited than I had done in years, I didn't want or need presents or a party just to know that I was about to spend the day with my family and my friends.

"Happy birthday baby," Draco says coming in with a tray of breakfast and a small present and card.

"Morning," I smile kissing him as he leans down to me.

"You ready for your birthday to start?"

"That sounds ominous," I laugh as I take a bite of toast,

"I don't know about that but you won't have a fiancé left to marry if you aren't downstairs to meet Hermione, Ginny and the girls in twenty minutes," he laughs back and I raise an eyebrow at him before jumping up and getting dressed, I pause and kiss him deeply before heading downstairs and am rewarded with a soft moan escaping his lips as I do.

As soon as I get to the kitchen I am grabbed by Hermione and side apparated away somewhere recovering myself I turn to see that Ginny, mum, Fleur and Courtney, even some of the girls from school are standing with us and we are standing outside the most beautiful building I have ever seen, that is I can smell and see also a spa. I jump up and down squealing suddenly in excitement. Over the next few hours I have a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, my hair done, coloured, styled and then pinned up professionally, we have chilled out in the steam room and sauna and then I have my make-up professionally done too. Then we have a private fashion show and fitting for a new dress, a deep blue, satin, floor length dress which plunges at the front and down the back, where it is held together by straps of crystals, a lot like the black one I wore the night Draco proposed. I have so many beautiful dresses now I need to start finding excuses to wear them.

"The day is from all of us, the dress from Ron," Ginny says quietly as I look at them completely overwhelmed,

"This is the best birthday ever," I say happily,

"You haven't seen anything yet," Hermione smiles at me. I am still in shock as I am whisked home to find that the burrow and gardens and even our cottages have all been decorated and are shimmering in glitter and apparently fairy dust as I walk forwards to see a mountain of presents in front of me piled on a long table next to it another table with a huge four tiered birthday cake.

"This is too much," I mutter tears blurring my vision,

"Not enough I'd say," says Ron gently from my side,

"I don't deserve this, I shouldn't… this is too much," I stutter completely overwhelmed.

"What do you mean you don't deserve it, you do, and more," Ron says guiding me gently by my arm to the table.

"But all I have done is get rescued, I get hurt and people save me, I hurt people, I hurt you so badly, I should be punished for that not rewarded," I can tell he is worried now and I feel Draco by my other side.

"What's brought all this on baby?" he asks quietly, his mere presence beside me calming me and healing me.

"I hurt you, I hurt you all so badly, I never did anything brave I just hurt you and you saved me, over and over again, I just can't help feeling like I don't deserve any of this," I say gesturing at the mountain of presents then at myself.

"Well for starters we didn't buy all the presents they're from all of your friends, you have a lot of them, from well-wishers and fans, apparently you have a lot of them too,"

"What?" I look up confused,

"Well that brings me to the secondly, what you look like, baby you are beautiful with or without a makeover, everyone can see that, and you're famous, that equals fans," I look at him with such a bemused expression that he smiles and Ron lets out a chuckle.

"And thirdly," says Ron, "We may have saved you, but you saved us too, you saved Draco from darkness, you saved me from darkness, oh yeah and you sacrificed your life for the wizarding world so Harry could kill Voldemort. And before you say anything, you had no idea you would live through that and you still did it anyway to try and save us. The same as when you jumped in front of me to save my life, so you are brave, the things you have done, the sacrifices you have made make you the bravest person I know, and the fact that you don't think of it as that makes you all the more amazing,"

"Oi," a voice mock shouts from behind, and spinning the three of us see Harry standing grinning behind us,

"Sorry mate but she is, you never jumped in front of me to take the killing curse," Ron laughs

"Charming only saved the whole bloody world but just because she jumped in front of one little curse,"

"Little?" I say taking the bait and laughing back when they all attack me in a huge group hug. "Okay, okay, I give in," I shout as they begin to crush me.

"Boys will you get off her, you're going to ruin her hair," Ginny yells from the other side of the table which only serves in Fred and George running to join in and hug me too. Eventually I am released and after straightening out my hair and dress, I take my place at the table and we eat all the fabulous food that mum has prepared for us. Then we dance and laugh and joke well into the night until I am almost asleep on my feet with exhaustion.

"Come on baby time for bed," Draco whispers in my ear as he wraps his arm tightly around my waist and pulls me close to his side.

"But… but all my presents," I yawn and sense him smiling against my skin as he kisses me temple.

"They're in our living room waiting for you to open them in the morning," he says with a flick of his wand and I nod as I give another massive yawn.

"Okay take me to bed, my beautiful fiancé," I giggle as he sweeps me up into his arms and I am asleep before he even gets to the door.

Waking up in the morning I slide quietly out of bed and slip one of Draco's t-shirts on, reaching the door I look back and smile as I stand for a minute and watch him sleeping, he really is so beautiful that it makes me wonder how I got lucky enough to have him. Then I quietly slip downstairs and start to open my presents.

I decide to start with the ones from people I don't know so I can open my families presents with Draco later. So pulling one out of the pile I open a box of chocolates, next I get magical flowers that don't wilt or die, then I get some books. I am beaming to myself and am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the generosity of these people as I reach for the next present. Opening the box I pull out a card and open it but when I do dead spiders fall out onto the floor along with graphic pictures drawn of Draco being killed and the message 'You're mine, if I can't have you then neither can he' I can't help it I scream out loud tears burning in my eyes fear bubbling up inside me as my shaking hands drop the card and screaming again I back into the corner.

"JJ, what the fuck!" Draco comes flying down the stairs wand outstretched spinning around wildly looking for whatever it is that has made me scream, "JJ tell me," I point at the card on the floor and then sink to the floor myself, shaking violently. "Jesus," I hear him murmur quickly before springing into action again. "Come on baby get up we're going to the Burrow,"

"But… but," I say feebly allowing him to pull me up,

"We're going to the Burrow and then I will come back here with Harry and the others to sort this out,"

"No what if there's a trap those pictures," the thought of it makes me gag suddenly as I double over

"Baby, listen to me I'm going to be fine okay, I'm not leaving you do you understand," I nod and he lifts me once more to my feet. He holds me tightly as we hurry across to the burrow and through the kitchen door.

"Mum, Dad, Fred, anyone," he shouts as he sits me in a chair at the table and conjures a mug of hot chocolate for me, his hand never leaving my shoulder.

"What, what is it?" Fred says as he apparates in front of us, looking suddenly worried as he sees me still shaking at the table, "what happened?" he says his voice suddenly a lot more serious as George and dad appear too,

"One of her fans…" Draco starts

"What did he do?" George cuts in leaning down to examine me straight away, but I shake my head still fighting the tears that are threatening.

"He sent her a card full of dead spiders and pictures of me being murdered, with a message 'You're mine, if I can't have you neither can he' it was written in blood," Draco says his face pale and taught.

"Fuck,"

"We need to check through the other presents there could be anything in there what else did you open JJ?" Dad asks looking serious,

"Just some chocolates, flowers and some books," I answer quietly,

"They need to be checked, they could be poisoned, cursed or anything," he says to the others as he stands up, "Draco go get Harry and Ron and explain what's happened, Fred you get Charlie and Bill, oh and Draco maybe send Ginny or Hermione in here," he adds as they all spring into action and I am suddenly alone again shaking from shock and fright.

"JJ oh god I'm so sorry," Ginny says as she comes in and wraps her arms around me and now with her and Hermione on my other side the tears start, I let out a huge involuntary sob and then break down completely. Eventually after I have calmed down enough to talk I turn to them.

"It was supposed to be fun, opening my birthday presents, I had never been so happy, but they want to kill him, I could get him hurt again,"

"That won't happen JJ they'll catch him,"

"But what if they don't? What if they hurt him, I'd die, it's my fault I'm cursed I know I am, I can't let them hurt him, maybe we should call off the wedding,"

"NO," I spin suddenly in my seat to see a weary looking Draco in the doorway, he reaches me in two strides pulls me up to face him and grasps my head in his hands as he stares at me almost fiercely. "I love you, we are going to get married and this psycho will be caught and I will personally make him pay for what he is putting you through," with that he pulls me into a tight embrace holding the back of my head with his hand the other arm twisted firmly around my waist. We stand like this for a while, until the memories of the spiders and the pictures are suddenly thrown back into my head and my legs buckle, I would have fallen had he not been holding me up.

"I'm sorry," I mutter eventually tears still leaking from my eyes, "I just can't stop thinking about the…" but before I can even finish saying it a heavy wave of nausea hits me and I run for the bathroom, I only just make it as I am violently sick. I can see the panic in everyone's eyes as I shakily make my way back to the kitchen, they think I'm relapsing or something, that I'll stop eating again, maybe I would have considered it but Draco is too important to me for that to happen.

"Sis," Harry says gently stepping forward,

"I'm okay, really, was just the shock," I reply quickly, my legs still shaking violently, "What did you find?"

"The rest of your presents are fine and safe, they are genuine presents," I nod tightly

"But you need to take that threat seriously JJ,"

"What do you think I'm doing treating it as a joke?" I bite out through clenched teeth,

"I mean you can't accept anything off anyone, everything has to be checked okay," I nod again, my eyes searching the room for Draco, Ron notices and comes to my side,

"He's at the ministry reporting it and getting protection sorted out, he'll be back soon," he says gently I don't have the strength to do anything, I can't eat, which I know makes them worry but I just can't face it, the thought of going back to my cottage makes me wretch again, and I feel suddenly so tired that I can feel myself getting weaker, leaning more heavily on Ron and Harry as they support me.

"I don't feel so good," I manage to say groggily,

"Come here kid we'll take you to Harry's you can nap on the sofa there," George says lifting me up quickly and carrying me out and across to Harrys cottage.

Some hours later I wake with a start "Draco," I call out before I have even opened my eyes, my heart is pounding and I can sense that something is wrong, "Draco" I scream again.

"Shhh JJ, it's okay I'm here," the man standing in front of me looks like Draco, identical to him, but it's not him,

"Where's Draco?" I ask backing into the headboard, "Where am I?"

"I'm here, we're home," the man says, looking around me I realise that this is our bedroom, and my heart sinks when I realise that he must have fooled the others.

"What have you done to Draco?" I ask almost too scared to hear an answer,

"I am Draco," He says again although I can see the stance he has taken is already more threatening. I shake my head,

"No. You're not, I know my Draco, and you are not him,"

"He doesn't deserve you," the man suddenly screams, making me jump out of bed and back into the corner of the room my eyes searching for my wand.

"What have you done with him?" I ask again, realising now what he has done, whoever this is has used polyjuice potion to become Draco, he has fooled the others and hoped to fool me too, that means Draco must be alive at least, and close by, oh god he's undressed me, and put me in this awful silk nightie.

"Why won't you just accept that he is bad for you, I would be so good for you we belong together not you and him," I am shaking with terror by now

"Who are you?"

"What does that matter? I'm Draco now so we can be together," he growls and I realise that if I have any hope of getting out of this situation and finding Draco I needed to play along.

"Well if you are as you say perfect for me shouldn't I know who you are?" he looks at me for a long while, then pulls my wand out from his pocket and places it on the bed, pulling his own out he conjures a chair and with a flick I am thrown into it and bound and gagged. Then flinging open the wardrobe door he levitates out of it the unconscious body of Draco, my blood runs cold when I see the contrast of the crimson blood against his silver hair and pale skin. I want desperately to run to him and struggle to get free.


	16. Chapter 16

"Stop struggling, if you try to save him, I will kill him," there is cold fury in his voice and I sit suddenly stock still not wanting to give him an excuse. "I stood by you for seven years, I loved you for all that time, I watched you grow, I tried to help you, I put up with you dating him at first because there was nothing I could do, then I even had to deal with you being with Ron, he always got there before me too. Then I had to watch you with both of them, and when I found out you were engaged. I thought the trap would wound Harry and force you to stop and think about what Malfoy was, I never meant for you to get hurt. I loved you so much I had to keep you in my life after we left I had to start dating Granger again but it was always so I could stay close to you," I blanche as I realise who it is, and at the same moment the poly juice potion wears off and Dean is standing before me. Oh god Hermione was going to hate me forever. He's going to kill Draco and kill me, I think of Harry and then decide to try and communicate with him, maybe just maybe I can do because I am his twin.

Two hours later and I have nearly exhausted myself attempting to get Harry to hear me. Dean has beaten Draco relentlessly and silent tears are pouring down my face as I watch him hang on to life, unable to do anything to stop it. Then he rounds on me,

"Stop crying for him, you're with me now remember you don't need him anymore, I will fulfil your desires," he takes his wand and before I know it I am bound to the bed by my wrists and as he approaches me I see the same look in his eye as was in that muggle boy in the orphanage all that time ago. I clamp my legs shut and force my head away from him as he presses his body on top of mine and I scream, he clamps a hand down over my mouth and I can feel the fear racing through my veins.

Then suddenly a burst of light and Harry, Ron, Fred, George and Hermione come bursting through the door. After they evaluate the situation for a second they see Dean on top of me and rage is clearly visible in their eyes, Dean is disarmed and knocked to the floor unconscious and they untie me before Ron grabs Draco and apparates to St Mungo's.

"I need to go with Draco," I scream as Harry hold me back,

"In a minute first explain," he shouts back

"It's Dean, he's the 'fan'… used poly juice potion… attacked Draco… told me he loved me," I say taking a deep shuddering breath,

"Liar," screams Hermione cradling Dean's head on the floor as the others stand around shocked and confused,

"I'm not lying, I'm so sorry Herms I know you loved him, but he did this,"

"NO," she screams louder standing up and pointing her wand at my chest, "I was right about you, you always try to steal everything, Harry, Ron and now Dean, well you can't he's mine you're lying, he loves me, you're not so perfect and beautiful that everyone is in love with you, you whore," I stand shocked and devastated for her as much as for me,

"I can't deal with this right now I need to be with Draco," I whimper, Harry nods leaving the others to sort this out while he apparates with me to the reception. "Where is he?" I scream

"JJ, he's with the medics just wait here for a moment okay," I am beside myself I can't sit all I can do is pace and jump every time anyone comes near to me or opens a door.

"Miss Potter,"

"Yes, I'm here where is he?"

"Calm down dear, he will be okay the injuries are all easily fixable with magic, he will need to rest here tonight but he will be fine," I hit the ground so suddenly that it takes me a second to realise that my legs have given way with relief. Ron is pulling me up and with an arm firmly around my waist guides me to Draco's bed.

"JJ?" he croaks as I come to his side.

"I'm here, I'm so sorry how do you feel?" I manage to say without breaking completely

"Are you okay?" he asks reaching up to cup my check with his hand,

"I'm fine," I smile weakly, "Oh god Draco I was so scared," I suddenly burst out unable to control my shaking as tears spill out and fall rapidly soaking the blankets at his side as I bury my face in the bed not letting go of his hand.

"Baby, please don't I'm okay, look come here please I want you with me here," I look up gulping trying to swallow my sobs, slowly I climb onto the bed and he pulls me to him I wince as he does, desperate not to hurt him.

"I'm sorry," I whimper again, as he strokes my hair,

"It's not your fault,"

"I love you so much," I yawn suddenly exhausted as my eyes drift shut,

"I love you too, baby, I love you too," he whispers as I drift off to sleep.

"Hey baby, JJ wake up," I open my eyes blearily to see Draco leaning over me and shaking me lightly awake.

"You okay?" I ask instantly looking him over,

"I'm fine, all healed see," he spins on the spot to show me that he is not too badly wounded, "We need to head off though Harry is here he has brought brooms for us so we can fly home,"

"Why?"

"I'll explain it all when we get home," I sigh, it's not over, it's apparently not nearly over and I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take before it ruins me.

We head out and meet Harry who is with Fred and George, they are all looking grim and this only serves to make the knot in my stomach worse. When we get home I am led straight to the burrow and we join everyone in the kitchen, I notice immediately that Hermione isn't there and my heart sinks. As they talk about what happened after we left, that Dean is being held in Azkaban the cottage has had new wards put up and it has been cleared out.

"What about Hermione?" I ask in a quiet voice and the table goes silent

"JJ…" Ron starts

"She hates me, she blames me," I sigh sadly feeling a lump in my throat as I push my chair back and walk quickly from the kitchen into the garden.

"JJ,"

"Don't Ron, it is my fault," I say without turning to face him.

"It's not you can't think that, she's just upset,"

"Upset," I almost shout spinning round, "I broke her, I have destroyed her life over and over again. She was right to hate me, I steal her happiness," I break off breathing heavily and notice that Draco, Harry and Ginny are standing behind Ron and Fred and George are not far behind either.

"JJ please,"

"Go on try denying it, you were with her, you loved her, until I came along and stole you, she was with Dean he loved her until I came along." I'm crying again now.

"That's bull shit and you know it," Ron shouts,

"Ron did love Hermione, but she told you herself how they grew apart, you weren't the reason for that, and Dean never loved her, he used her, that's not your fault either," Harry says stepping in to stop Ron from losing his temper completely.

"It's just not fair, she's so clever and beautiful and I'm nothing compared to her…"

"You're beautiful…"

"Stop you're making it worse I don't deserve it any of it, she does and now she hates me," I break off again and sink slowly to the grass tears still flowing steadily down my face and neck.

"Well I love you JJ but to tell you the truth I've always thought Hermione was hotter, Ron here just got in there before me," Fred says sitting down opposite me, and I look up startled,

"You… you love Hermione?"

"Since the yule ball four years ago," he smiles and glancing up I can see George confirming this to the others, I sit in stunned silence for a while until he speaks again, "thought we might have a chance too until Dean came along," I shudder when his name is mentioned, and then a plan begins to form in my mind, it's crazy I know I should leave her more time to calm down and think but I was so desperate to fix things that I wasn't really thinking straight. I look up at the others and catch Draco's eye for a second but by the time he figures out what I am about to do I have concentrated located her and apparated to a hotel room in London.

"Herms,"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she screams throwing me to the floor and binding me there with magic before I have the chance to react.


	17. Chapter 17

"I wanted to see you, check you're okay," I say trying to keep my voice steady although fear is coursing through my veins, why did I not bring anyone with me.

"You ruined everything, he was supposed to love me, not you, why do you always steal everything from me you… you whore," I'm not even sure if she is aware of what she is doing as the pain starts to pour out from my arm with the blood as the word whore appears carved there, I try not to cry out too much in pain.

"I'm… I'm sorry," I gasp tears leaking from my eyes,

"What good is that to me now, he used me, he never loved me, no one ever did it was always you," she seems to have given up now, the anger dissipating slightly as she sinks to the edge of the bed,

"I never meant for any of this to happen, I love you, you're my best friend, I would never hurt you, I'm so sorry," I whimper the blood still steadily flowing from my arm to the carpet.

"What good does that do me JJ eh? Because at the end of the day you still ride off into the sunset with prince Charming and a gaggle of admirers and I'm still left out in the cold,"

"I… I… I'm sorry I should go,"

"Yes you should," she says standing up abruptly and releasing me from my binds, she turns away from me as I stand up clasping my wounded arm to my chest.

"Just so you know, you're still my maid of honour, I won't get married until you're standing beside me where you should be," I hear her snort incredulously, "Oh and also you were treated horrifically by someone you loved, but I hope that one day you will heal enough to open your heart to someone worthy," she turns slightly towards me as I say this and I can see tears coursing down her cheeks, "Fred hasn't given up, he's waiting for you, I think he always will, I think maybe he's your one," she spins to face me full on at this her eyes wide with surprise and steps forward as I am about to apparate.

"Wait," I stop and wait shaking slightly from the pain in my arm, and then she rushes forwards and falling with her arms about my waist sobbing into my side crying like her heart was breaking, I know that feeling I remember with a jolt.

"Shh, it's okay, it'll be okay," I whisper stroking her hair with my good hand,

"How do you know that?" she stutters through her tears,

"Because that's what you told me," I say smiling as she looks up at me, "remember, when Draco left, because we thought he'd turned to Voldemort, that's what you told me while I cried like you are now. While I felt like my heart had been ripped out put through a blender and shoved back into my throat,"

"And…"

"And all you want to do is stop existing to make the pain stop," I finish, and she nods her agreement. Eventually I sink to the floor next to her and we sit in silence with our backs against the wall.

"I'm sorry," she whispers eventually,

"You've nothing to be sorry for but I promise you I will make him pay for what he did to you," I say vehemently.

"What a prick," I look at her startled by this sudden outburst and then we both burst into a fit of giggles, "he wasn't even that hot he was just a good replacement for Ron or anyone else,"

"You didn't deserve to be treated like that,"

"I know, I guess I was just looking for someone like Ron but who fitted me better,"

"A version of Ron that you don't want to kill every five seconds basically," I smile and she smiles back her smile sticking when she realises what I am implying,

"You really think?"

"He told me today, just before I came here," I say quietly,

"I never really loved Dean you know, I was just so upset and jealous and I had tried to convince myself that I loved him," she sighs and then sits up when she notices me wince, "Oh god JJ I'm…"

"It's nothing, not your fault," I smile through gritted teeth as the pain intensifies.

"Here let me," and without giving me the chance to answer she patches my arm up, it will leave a scar probably but I can find a way to sort that out later, she bandages my arm for me and we sit back once more against the wall.

"So you coming home?" I ask eventually,

"I don't know if I can, if I can face it," she sighs,

"Everyone's worried about you, seriously worried, we all want you home and safe with us and who knows maybe there's more there than just that,"

"You really think that there's is still a chance," she asks hesitantly

"Oh yes there is more than that," I smile at her

"Okay," she nods and we stand facing each other she wraps her arms around me to give me a hug and we disapparte home landing in the same spot in the garden that I left from.

"JJ what the fuck, you scared us half to death," Ron yells before noticing Hermione and they all stop and wait for her to say something.

"Sorry," she says after a while,

"Wasn't your fault Herms, we were worried about you," Fred says hugging her gently and then standing beside her his arm discreetly round her waist as she blushes and we all begin to grin,

"Where's Draco?" I ask

"Inside, he was a bit… a bit upset about you leaving like that JJ," my face drops and I glance at Hermione before sprinting inside, he is sitting at the kitchen table his head in his hands, Charlie is with him

"Dra…"

"What the hell were you thinking," He screams jumping up, I can tell he has been frantic and my heart sinks further but before I can say anything he has spotted the blood on my clothes, "You're hurt,"

"I'm fine… it's nothing, she's home," I mutter feeling like a naughty child, "I'm sorry," I feel like I am saying that a lot lately.

"How could you do that to me?" he asks anger still clearly visible in his eyes.

"I… I'm sorry baby, I just wanted to make things right," I stutter,

"Oh so that's fine then, every time you want to save the day you can just disappear without even discussing it, come back bleeding and hurt and I'm just supposed to sit here and wait," he is breathing heavily when he breaks off and I can see Charlie has been joined by Harry and they appear to be on his side about this.

"I didn't mean to worry you, I love you but I needed to do this,"

"You always say that but all it means is that you always put yourself in danger,"

"I can't change who I am Draco, I quit my job for you, I try to stay safe but sometimes I can't help it,"

"Oh so this is my fault, what do you like getting hurt?"

"Oh yeah I fucking love it," I am screaming now we both are and the rest of the family are inside watching too,

"What did you do to her?" he shouts now rounding on Hermione and I immediately step between the two of them,

"It wasn't her fault, it has nothing to do with her,"

"Look at you, always jumping in front of people trying to save everyone, without ever thinking about yourself,"

"I'm sorry but I won't apologise for that I would do anything to protect you, all of you," I yell sweeping my arms around.

"Well I'm not sure I can take it anymore, the worry the panic all the time," he says quieter now, and I gasp as the impact of what he is saying sets in and hits me.

"You can't… you don't mean that," I stutter feeling like my breath has been knocked out of me, I am acutely aware of the shocked looks on everyone else's faces it seems like no one is breathing.

"Maybe… we need some time apart to think I'll stay…" he breaks off looking around and I can see Harry give him a tiny nod, "I'll stay at Harry's for a little while," he finishes as he makes eye contact with me for a few seconds before moving rather stiffly across the room and out of the door. I'm too shocked to move for a minute and then my face starts to flush as I realise everyone is still staring at me.

"I think I just need to go and get some air," I manage amazed at how calm my voice is,

"I'll come with you," Ginny says stepping forward,

"NO," I shout, "I mean no thanks I think I just need to be on my own for a while," I finish moving towards the door. I manage it all the way to the lake before I double up and sob out loud, I can feel physical pain in my gut I lay on my side under the tree that stands by the side of the lake, arms wrapped around my stomach legs drawn up to my chest and the sobs relentless in their onslaught, a pain in my arm makes me look down and I can see that blood from my earlier wound has soaked my clothes once again. Trust Hermione to accidentally curse me in a way that it never stops bleeding. I sit up suddenly screaming out into the what I notice is semi darkness, in frustration and anger at myself I rip off the bandage that Hermione had wrapped around it and stare at the word emblazoned on my arm. I watch the blood drip from the open cuts painting everything around a ruby red. "You really did it this time didn't you?" I say aloud to myself, "I should never have believed I could be happy, I don't deserve happy it's right the word is right I'm just a dirty whore,"


	18. Chapter 18

"JJ," I don't need to turn round to know that George is standing behind me, but I do I watch him recoil slightly as he sees the state of me,

"It's true I should have known, I should never have believed," I sob sinking to my knees again as he steps forward and kneels in front of me, my breath coming in short ragged gasps as he reaches out to see my arm gasping himself when he sees what it reads.

"Is this what she did?" he asks

"It doesn't matter it was an accident, but it's true, he ruined me that night, he stole my life and turned me into a whore, dirty and unworthy,"

"That's not true,"

"It is, I told you once I was cursed do you remember, that every time I think I'm happy things go wrong, someone gets hurt," I break off and laugh bitterly before continuing, "I was right I hurt everyone around me, he'll never forgive me this time, oh god I've ruined everything," I collapse forward and he holds me as I exhaust myself crying harder than I've ever cried, until weak from sobbing and the steady loss of blood, I give up and let George pick me up and carry me back to the burrow.

I know that people are around me, trying to bandage my arm, offer me words of encouragement, all but Harry, Ron and Draco that is, I know that they are trying to feed me and keep me warm, but I don't care. I can't focus on anything, I don't want to, feeling hungry and feeling cold are the only reminders that I'm still alive. I am vaguely aware of people trying to talk to me, of the fact that the wound on my arm isn't really healing, them still trying to feed me but I don't care.

I know I'm regressing, the weight is falling off me fast I'm getting weaker, they are getting more worried, I can't sleep, I can't speak I can't do anything other than sit and stare into nothing, or run to a toilet when a wave of pain and nausea wash over me.

It's been eight weeks, and still he hasn't seen me neither have Harry or Ron, I feel utterly abandoned and completely alone and it's the worst thing I have ever felt. They are worried that the curse has affected me in other ways too as the weight is still falling off too fast. I know I have brought this on myself that it is my fault but I've never been so alone. I am alone in our house, our house that makes it impossible to sleep because everything is him, and everything is that night when it wasn't him, the night when everything changed.

"It's time JJ," Ginny's voice says behind me, I don't answer just stare past her when I turn, "You've lost too much weight, your arm still won't heal and you aren't sleeping you need help," I shake my head and back away from her, "JJ you haven't spoken to anyone in two months,"

I shake my head again opening my mouth but not able to form any words, "JJ, I'm sorry but you're going to die if we don't get you help," she is crying and I try to feel guilty but I'm just too empty,

"Good," I manage to whisper and she recoils slightly before turning to George who is standing in the doorway looking petrified.

"JJ please, we don't want to lose you, we need you so you have to get better,"

"Why won't he come?" I croak eventually slipping to the floor holding my knees to my chest,

"He's scared," she says sitting next to me,

"Of me… I'm so empty," I sigh staring past her as she starts speaking again.

"They've been trying to get him out of his room, he wants to see you but thinks it's too late," I stare at her tears swimming in what I know are vacant and empty eyes devoid of any hope.

I open my mouth and then shut it again as she stands and then leaves.

 **Third person POV**

"Open the door Ron," Harry says as he sits staring at the chess board and Ron reluctantly heads down stairs to find a very angry Ginny on the doorstep who glares at him before storming upstairs with him in toe.

"You are such utter bastards all of you," she yells as she faces the three men.

"Gin babe…"

"Don't you babe me, how could you?" she screams wand out pointing at them in a shaking hand.

"I… I…" Draco starts standing unsteadily, he is unkempt and gaunt, paler than ever and his eyes are red rimmed, and the smell of fire whiskey is evident even from the other side of the room.

"Don't, I was on your side at the beginning, you were trying to protect her, to make her less impulsive when it comes to her safety, but all you've done is damage her more, all of you," they sit there looking shocked,

"She'll be okay, she'll get over me," Draco says in a dead voice,

"You don't deserve her," Ginny screams at him vehemently, wheeling around when she hears footsteps behind her Hermione is standing in the doorway Fred and George with her.

"She's right I wish she would get over you but she can't," the three men stand in a line looking guilty,

"Eight weeks, eight fucking weeks not one of you could visit her, say hello, write a fucking note," George shouts his turn to get riled up and angry at them.

"We were trying to work out what to do, what to say," Ron says quietly,

"Trying to show her…" Harry starts,

"Show her what that even though you all promise to be there for her forever you leave her, make her feel worthless, for what? She thinks it's her fault everything, no wonder she can't trust you all you ever fucking do is break your promises,"

"She shouldn't have gone off like that," Draco says setting his jaw in a very noncommittal attempt at defending himself.

"You don't understand, having a row making her feel guilty that's one thing, but you destroyed her, she's dying over there and you don't even care, you've worse than abandoned her, she knows you're all here that you don't care about her enough it even try and make it better,"

"What?" the three stutter in unison their hearts dropping, Draco lurches forward and grabs George by the arm his face twisted into a ugly expression,

"What do you mean?" he gasps out, George's expression softens and he forces Draco into a chair, Harry and Ron sinking onto the edge of the bed.

"That night after you two fought she went off on her own to the lake, we watched her to check she wasn't going to do anything irrational, she cried, and cried for hours. Then when she sat up and pulled the bandages of her arm and started screaming I went down to her. You said once before Ron that Draco leaving her in school had nearly destroyed her," he says turning to face his brother briefly, "can you imagine what it is like for her, she has just lost her fiancé, her brother and her best friend how could you? She kept talking about that guy in the orphanage, the one who, you know," he breaks off and the three boys all visibly wince, "she kept saying that he made her a whore, that's why the word was on her arm…"

"What do you mean?" Ron asks, and Hermione clears her throat glancing at Fred who smiles slightly at her and squeezes her hand before she speaks,

"When she came to see me I was so angry about everything that I accidentally cursed her with wandless magic, the word whore was carved into her arm and it won't heal," she says tears welling in her eyes,

"Won't heal, what do the medi wizards say?" Harry asked,

"Are you not listening to anything," Ginny almost screams still shaking with anger, "She is dying, in eight weeks she has pretty much refused to eat, speak, sleep or seek any help for her arm,"

"She's… she's stopped eating again," Ron stutters and Draco whimpers audibly his hands now shaking,

"She's given up, she thinks you've all left her for good she wants to die rather than live without you all, you need to see her before it's too late. She just told me that she hopes she dies because she is so empty," Ginny sobs and shudders as she breaks off and Harry steps forward to embrace her but she pushes him off, "NO, you don't get to touch me, you've just made me spend eight weeks watching someone who has become my sister wither away to nothing, she is so close to death I'm not sure there is anything left we can do now, that's on you she needed you, and you abandoned her," Harry winces again at this recoiling as he realises what he has done.

"Take me to her," Draco says decisively getting to his feet and within a minute he is standing alone in their bedroom with her, he in the doorway her in the corner sitting on the floor, she looked worse than she had when they went to get her from the hospital all those months ago., worse than he had ever seen her.

 **JJ's POV**

"Is it really you?" I croak looking up and seeing him in the doorway,

"It's me," he nods taking a step towards me,

"You left me," I gasp out, he nods again, "It was my fault," I say again burying my head in my knees pulling them closer to me.

"It's my fault too, I was too stubborn, I was angry at you for putting yourself in danger, and I was scared when I saw you were hurt again, it spiralled out of control, I couldn't… the three of us couldn't think of a way out, the longer it went on the harder it was to come and apologise."

"You promised me you'd never leave, but you did," is all I can manage as I collapse sideways lying on the floor and sobbing quietly.

"Baby please," he is beside me on the floor gathering me into his arms rocking me as I cry his own tears falling onto the back of neck as I bury my head in his chest.

"Am I dead now then, is that why I can feel you?"

"No baby I'm here," he says struggling to speak coherently through his own tears.

"I never thought I'd feel you next to me again," I whimper eventually

"I should never have left you, I will never forgive myself for this,"

"I'm so empty inside when you don't love me,"

"I do love you… I will always…" he breaks off and sniffs loudly as he tries to stem the flow of his tears, "I need to take you to get help Nat okay," he says gently,

"No," I cry out

"Baby listen to me, I won't leave you okay, Ron will cover for me at work and I'll stay the whole time,"

"You said that before and you left, it would be better if you just let me go, just let me die then everything will be okay the curse will be gone, you can be happy,"

"I've hurt you so badly, I know that, I can see that, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you but for now," he takes out his wand and performs a binding spell on us,

"Why?" I ask looking up at him,

"So you can see that I won't leave until I can prove to you how sorry I am," he whispers "Now please let me get you some help okay, please," I nod and then I hear him call out,

"I'm so tired Draco, I'm too tired I can't carry on anymore," I whisper,

"Stay awake baby, just a little bit longer until we get to the hospital you need to stay with me," I can hear him shouting again, hear the door crashing open, see a blur of people,

"It's so cold, I just want to sleep for a little while, I can't keep going anymore," I am speaking so quietly I'm not even sure he can hear me,

"Just a little longer baby please," I can feel his tears on my face but I can't keep my eyes open and I feel my body go limp in his arms as the darkness engulfs me.


	19. Chapter 19

When I wake up it take me a while to get my bearings I feel incredibly weak, it takes me a while to open my eyes and clear my mind.

"Draco," I call out automatically,

"I'm here baby, I'm here," his voice is gentle in my ear and I feel a small smile on my lips before my eyes flutter open, I see everyone else and all the memories coming flooding back.

"Where am I?" I ask weakly

"St Mungo's,"

"Oh,"

"They fixed your arm, reversed the curse, it's not there anymore," Hermione says from next to me,

"Oh," I say again,

"We're so sorry JJ," Harry and Ron say from the other side of the bed,

"I know," I say and I can see them wince at my tone but I'm not ready to forgive them yet.

"JJ," Ron tries again,

"You left me, I was so alone, I've never felt more alone, so empty, I was worthless but none of you cared, none of you came, and you could have, you were only next door, you could have come, but you didn't. it was worse than at the orphanage, at least there I had never known love, you told me you loved me all of you, but you left, I was right I am cursed, no-one really wants me you always leave in the end," tears are flowing steadily down my checks again as I try to turn over but they don't leave none of them.

For the next two weeks I am kept there being fed through tubes and potions and monitored constantly. Twice I stop breathing brought on by the nightmares, my lungs and heart weakened by past curses and my own abuse of my body, and I feel guilty when I see the panic in their faces but I can't forgive them yet. Draco, Harry and Ron never leave, they sleep in there and spend their days in the room with me. For the first week we barely speak I am still angry at them and too weak to argue so I sleep most of the time.

The first time I have the nightmare bad enough to wake me is seven days after I get to the hospital, I am in a small dark room and I can hear Voldemort laughing at me and then someone is using the crutiatious curse on me and I am screaming, but no-one comes to save me and then suddenly I am at home but Draco is not himself it's Dean and no-one comes so Draco dies and this time I am screaming again, crying to and thrashing about and then I can hear a voice.

"JJ, baby wake up, wake up," I sit up suddenly gasping for air, my entire body soaked in cold sweat and I am shaking violently, all three of the boys are there staring at me pale faces serious and anxious a bright green light emanating from me.

"What happened?"

"Just a nightmare," I mutter, though I catch Draco's eye for a second and instinctively squeeze his fingers before pulling away from him as the sting of memory comes back and I lay back down and fall asleep again, the glow taking longer to recede draining my energy. After that the nightmares are pretty regular they happen every night and every night the boys are there even dreamless sleep potion won't keep they at bay and it is obvious that they are triggering my power which is visibly weakening me each time.

Then one night as I drift off to sleep while I can hear them discussing in worried and hushed tones what they're going to do I am hit by the strongest and worst nightmare yet, I am standing outside the burrow my wand in my hand facing off with a death eater I kill him but then look down and Ron, Harry and Draco are all scattered dead on the floor, I scream and thrash so much that even after I've awoken I am still screaming and crying, my body practically convulsing as the light is so bright it is blinding, until I hear his voice.

"Calm down my child," my eyes snap up to him and I can see the boys all sitting in shocked silence at the sight of Dumbledore in the small room. "What is wrong?"

"I… I… just a nightmare sir sorry," I stutter casting my eyes down slightly

"Miss Potter, you are scared is that right?" I nod dumbly not knowing what to say, "You see them," he gestures to the three men, "lying dead,"

"Yes," I whimper and I notice that Draco has tears in his eyes as he stares at me, as the others lower their heads in dismay that they are once again causing my pain.

"Why do you see this?" I shake my head as if I don't know but his gaze makes me see and I answer him.

"Because I love them all so much and I'm so scared that they're going to leave, not like this time when they just walked away but what if they die, then I can never get them back, every time they've been hurt it is in some part due to me, I would die if they did," I let out a gentle sob as I say this and bury my head in my hands.

"Draco, why did you leave her?" I hear him choke slightly at being asked this directly, but I don't look up.

"She has become so much a part of me that I am almost certain that if she were to… to… if anything happened to her it would rip me apart, I need her, she is literally the air that I breathe and when she ran off like that without even telling me, I was too weak to help her. I couldn't save her from Dean and then she came back and there was blood, I snapped I couldn't take it. But I pushed her too far and I started thinking that maybe she was better with someone else he, Dean I mean, reminded me off all the things my family did, I did, my friends did, what some of them are still doing, I'm no good for her, what if it's me that gets her…" he takes a great shuddering gulp of air and I can sense Dumbledore shaking his head sadly.

"Mr Weasley what of your decision?"

"I'm sorry sir, I know it was wrong but I'm such a stubborn git, I was so angry at her when she went like that without even taking one of us with her. We're supposed to be in this together, all of us a group. I left once and she was the one who brought me home reminded me of how much we need each other and then she went off like she needed no one, it just hurt. I caused so much damage to both her and Hermione and I couldn't do a thing to fix it when it counted. Then it had just been too long and I was too stupid and stubborn to apologise," he breaks off with a bitter laugh and then Harry starts talking. Dumbledore must have turned to him, I still can't look up from my trembling hands.

"She's my sister, she is my only family, it took us nearly eighteen years to finally get comfortable and understand the truth about our family. I thought we were close we're twins for god's sake, she communicated telepathically with me so that I could rescue them from Dean. She should have consulted me before going off or at least taken me with her. I watched what Draco went through after that attack when she was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, I watched as he tried to hold it together for her when she went back to work, I knew that if anything happened this time it would kill him, she knew that too, but she didn't think and I was angry at her for that. But none of us meant for it to go on as long as it did,"

"Children, you have all been so brave and have had to grow beyond your years to fight a war that should never have been yours to fight. Since then you have had to deal with things much more advanced than you should ever have had to. But strip all this silliness away and you have a brother and sister who adore each other and would do anything to protect one another. Two friends that are the closest that I think I have ever seen in all my long years. And a young man and woman who are destined to be together as the fates have designed. Above all sitting before me here are four young people who need to remember all it is they love about each other all that is good in their lives and not dwell on sadness and other such things. Now if I'm not much mistaken there is due to be a wedding in a few weeks that I would like to prepare to watch over, goodbye my children and think on what I have said," a blinding light fills the room and then he is gone and silence envelops us.

"He's right," I say in a quiet shaky voice, "I'm so sorry I love you all so much please don't hate me anymore, I've never felt such a crushing loneliness as I did when you were gone, I need you all too much," and I kneel up in bed with some difficulty just as three figures dart forward and hold me in a crushing hug. It's painful how tight they are holding me but I never want it to end I never want them to let go. As they do this the light engulfs them too and with a gasp I can tell they see my nightmares, and I can see their fears, their memories of waiting in hospital rooms for me to wake up, their terror that I might not wake up, I can feel it and it makes me shake. Then Draco kisses my temple,

"Let it go now baby, make it stop," and I turn my head to focus on him and it does, we are once again in the night darkness of the hospital room, I am still shaking and am too weak to move much, as I lay gasping for breath, Draco positions himself almost behind me his legs wrapped around me, my body pulled into his, my head resting on his chest as his heart beat steadily relaxes me.

"It's us that should be sorry JJ, I can't believe that after all this time Dumbledore still needs to spirit himself here from the dead to sort us out," Harry laughs suddenly breaking the silence and we all laugh with him and at that moment the grief and pain and anger is lifted and we are returned to how we were.

"So can I go home now?" I ask the next morning.

"Not yet Miss Potter we need to keep you in for a couple more days to check that your sleep patterns have returned to normal and weight is still increasing," the medi witch says the next morning.

"Oh okay then I guess, hey will you guys go fetch me some of the wedding magazines so I can start organising again we missed out on a lot of time," I say to Harry and Ron who grin and then disappear promising to be back with everything in an hour.

"Why so happy to stay?" Draco asks raising an eyebrow at me.

"Huh?" I reply feigning ignorance,

"You hate these places you are always desperate to get out so why not this time?" I look at him and decide that no more lies should be told or secrets kept.

"I'm scared," I admit,

"What of baby?"

"I'm scared of going back to that house, I mean I love it, it's our house but there are so many bad memories there now, the whole Dean thing, I can't wake up in that bed without thinking about him being there, I can't be in that house without thinking about all those weeks I spent alone, I still haven't opened my birthday presents it's like a tomb now and I'm scared to go back," I sigh and look at him sadly.

"Then we'll fix it," he says simply,

"How?"

"Don't worry I'll sort it, but I promise you two things, we will still be at the burrow and you will love it," he smiles and I smile back at him trusting him completely. An hour later Harry and Ron return with my magazines and some cakes from mum. I immediately put the cakes to one side and noticing the look Draco and the others give me I say,

"I'll have some later, I need to… to well build up to it I guess, it's hard," they nod silently and then Draco drags the other two out of the room before popping his head back in,

"Baby will you be okay if I go do a couple of things with the boys quickly I'll be back this afternoon and Hermione and Ginny are on their way here?"

"Of course not go have fun I'll see you later," I say smiling as he kisses me before running off like an excited kid.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey Herms, hey Ginny," I say smiling as they walk through the door a few minutes later,

"Hey JJ, how you feeling, Harry and Ron told us about what happened, I'm so glad the wedding is back on," Hermione squeals as she perches on the side of the bed while Ginny takes the chair.

"Me too," I sigh, trying not to think about the past few weeks. "So what do you think about blue for the bridesmaids dresses?" I ask and they both nod their heads enthusiastically.

Three hours later and we have picked the dresses out that we like and have booked an appointment for the following week to go for fittings and stuff. I have managed to eat one of the cakes and have drunk some pumpkin juice, we have talked about caterers and locations and marquees and themes, and I am utterly exhausted.

"Baby you look pale what's wrong?" Draco asks rushing to my side and throwing the flowers that he has brought with him down on the side forgetting them completely.

"I'm just tired that's all, wedding planning is exhausting," I smile weakly at him as he cradles my face in his hands examining me closely, "They're beautiful," I whisper gesturing to the flowers and he smiles.

"Not as beautiful as you,"

"You're so cheesy," I say but I can't help giggling and he gives me a look of mock hurt before I reach up and capture his lips with mine in a gentle chaste kiss, and then he settles into a sitting position on the bed with me and I rest my head on his chest his hand lazily stroking circles on my back, which makes me think about when we first got together and I smile.

"I think I'm going to get you a wedding planner," he mutters almost to himself and I glance up at him and consent without opening my mouth but he knows that I have said yes, and he kisses the top of my head. "You need to sleep now baby, so that you can get stronger and we can have our wonderful wedding day at last," he says removing himself with some protest from me.

"I don't feel safe enough to sleep if you're not here, if I can't feel you," I say, aware that I sound like a small child.

"Okay, it's okay I'm right here I promise you I'm not going anywhere," he soothes as he gets back onto the bed and pulls me to him, wrapping me in his arms, lying there listening to his heartbeat I can feel myself drift into the first peaceful sleep I've had in a long time.

Waking up in the morning I feel more refreshed than I have in a long time and although I spend the day without Draco, he is off doing something at work, I do meet my new wedding planner and we start to put together plans. She seems to really be on my wavelength and it seems she is under strict orders from Draco not to stress me out in anyway. So I show her the dress ideas and she loves them and puts the appointment we have made in her diary so she can be there, then we discuss themes and eventually we come up with the idea of butterflies and so she heads off to look at some ideas. Two days later I am released from St Mungo's and as we head out to the car, Draco has decided he doesn't want me to apparate because I am still too weak, I turn to him grasping his hand tightly in mine,

"I'm scared Draco," I whisper,

"I know baby but trust me okay, do you trust me?"

"Completely,"

"Then come with me and I'll show you," I look at him puzzled at this comment but let him lead me to the car and he slides in next to me, his arm around my waist his other hand holding mine.

"This is when I'm happiest," I say quietly almost to myself as I wriggle closer into him,

"What is baby?"

"When I'm in your arms, I feel safe and happy, like nothing in the world can touch me," I smile, "Silly isn't it?"

"I don't think it's silly at all," he says with a twinkle in his eye that lets me know he is thinking the same thing as me, that what he just said is the same as I said to him once in the stands of the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts before we ever got together. "Baby, wake up, we're home," my eyes flutter open and focus on his face as he shakes me gently and then pulls me out of the car holding me still for a minute so that I can get myself together and wake up properly.

"That was quick I felt like…" I trial off as my eyes latch on to a house, in the same place as our cottage had been but this one looked different, it had roses growing up the front and a little white picket fence around a garden area, that opened out onto the huge garden of the Burrow and it had a little path that lead all the way to the burrow's kitchen door which made me grin with excitement and happiness.

"This way baby," he says leading me up to the front door before sweeping me into his arms and carrying me over the threshold. I gasp as he sets me down and cling to him for fear of passing out, the house has been magically enlarged and it is like a palace inside. A palace that has been plucked straight from my dreams, every detail from the sweeping staircase, the huge farm kitchen, the cosy living room, the massive cinema room, the hot tub spa the master bedroom decorated in red and silver, it's perfect.

"I… Oh my God… it's… it's perfect, completely absolutely perfect," I stammer tears of overwhelmed joy rolling down my checks before I jump up and down squealing when he directs me to a door that opens to a huge walk in wardrobe, with a seating section in the middle a mirror that will tell me how good I look, and rows upon rows of dresses and shoes and everything I could ever want.

As I stand there screaming in delight rushing from one thing to the next Hermione and Ginny run in look around for a second and then jump up and down squealing and shouting in excitement with me as Draco who has now been joined by Ron, Harry, Fred and George stand and laugh as they watch us.

Not long after we are all in the Burrow sitting around the kitchen table drinking and eating and talking happily.

"I'm glad to see you looking happy again dear, I was beginning to think I would never see your beautiful smile again," and I blush slightly as I grin at her,

"Mum can I ask you something," I ask quietly although the whole table is listening anyway, she nods as she begins refilling everyone's cups.

"Well, Draco and I have been talking and we were trying to decide a venue for the wedding and well, I've never been happier than when I'm here, this place means everything to me, and I was just wondering whether we might be able to have the wedding in a marquee here,"

"Of course darling oh I am so proud of you both, of all of you," and tears fill her eyes as she rushes round to hug and kiss us all making us all blush and well up a bit ourselves.

"You look happy," I say to Hermione a little later with a conspiratorial wink, and she laughs

"Thank you so much JJ, you are the best friend anyone could ask for," she hugs me tightly,

"It's okay, I didn't really do anything though,"

"Yes you did, after everything I did to you and you brought me home and lead me to the most amazing man,"

"Yeah without you she never would have got the hint," Fred says from behind her suddenly wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the cheek.

"Well I love you both and if all I had to do was get a little cut on my arm to get you two to finally get together well that's a small price to pay," I laugh as they both hug me tightly. Before heading off hand in hand. I smile as I watch them go before I feel a presence beside me and looking to my right I see Draco standing there watching them too an odd expression on his face. "Don't be mad at her, she didn't mean to do it, she was hurting," I say taking his arm in my hands,

"I know, I just hate that you were wounded like that, with that word," he says sadly,

"Well it's in the past now," I say more lightly, "How am I ever going to thank you making me the most perfect home in the world," I say quietly.

"It's just the beginning of a lifetime of making it up to you," he smiles kissing me lightly

"Well don't forget that we get a little credit," Harry yells from the other side of the room, and I look up laughing to see him with Ron and George linking arms and marching over to us.

"We had a lot of ground to make up too and we had fun delving into everything we had ever learnt about you to make your dream house,"

"Well you succeeded and I'm impressed at how much you remembered," I laugh and then yawn, I am suddenly completely exhausted, that's the problem until my weight is normal again I can barely last more than a few hours without getting completely worn out. I stagger on my feet as I reach for a chair and Draco's arms are around me in an instant, "I'm just really tired," I say in answer to the unasked question in his eyes.

"Okay, I'll take you to bed, Ron can you help me take her home?"

"Course mate come on honey time for you to rest in your palace," he winks holding open the door as Draco holds me to him and we head out.

"I'm sorry I had to ruin the fun again, you can go back if you like," I mutter sleepily as I climb up onto the luxurious bed,

"The only place I want to be is here beside you," he whispers climbing into bed next to me and gently pulling me to him, I roll to face him and place my hand on his chest,

"I love you so much that sometimes I struggle to believe that it's true," I mutter,

"I know baby, and when we get married I will stand up there and try my best to vocalise just how much you mean to me, show you in front of everyone how much I love you,"

"You already do every day," I yawn wriggling closer to him and kissing his chest lightly before, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

I'm working really hard on getting my weight back to normal but I'm struggling, a week after I get home and I have barely put on a couple of pounds Draco or someone from the family sits with me every meal time. It's one of the stipulations for me being allowed home, I sit I try my best to eat but I barely manage more than a few mouthfuls before I start to feel sick.

"What's wrong sis why can't you eat?" Harry asks one day while he is sitting with me at lunch.

"I'm just really scared Harry," I admit quietly as I push the lettuce on my plate around,

"What of?"

"I'm scared that if I get better it will all go wrong again,"

"What do you mean?"

"Last time… every time I am normal and healthy and… well it all goes wrong, and to tell you the truth between you and me I don't think I could survive anything else,"

"JJ listen to me," he says sternly pulling me around to face him, "You will get better, you will marry Draco, and you will be happy. You are the strongest person I know and you will tackle anything that is thrown at you but you will never be alone, we are here, all of us, for you," I reach my arms around his neck and he pull's me to him as I hug him tightly.

"Thank you Harry," I whisper. That day I manage to eat nearly the whole plate of food in front of me.

I am still however weak and it frustrates me how weak I am, I want to get on with doing things and although the wedding planner is brilliant and is sorting out everything, I still want to do something. So one morning I decide that I will surprise Draco with a special meal that night that I would cook by hand without magic. The problem is that an hour before he comes home I am still struggling with getting the dessert ready the kitchen is a mess and I'm starting to feel a bit ill. Ten minutes before he gets home and I suddenly begin to feel really dizzy I reach out to the counter as I feel my legs giving way but it's all too late I can feel the all too familiar blackness engulfing me and then a sharp pain through my head before I'm gone.

"Baby, come on baby don't do this to me, wake up," I can hear his voice getting clearer through my haze as my eyes flicker open and focus on his face full of worry and concern.

"Hey," I croak,

"How are you feeling?" he asks gently as he lifts me to my feet and helps me to the sofa,

"Like crap," I sigh, "I ruined your surprise, I was trying to make you a special dinner and look at what you've had to come home to instead,"

"It's okay baby, as long as you're okay," he soothes as he checks me over.

"Well I think the dinner will still be okay," I smile up at him and he leans down to kiss me gently.

Two days later and it is time for the dress fittings and as I stand outside the shop with Ginny waiting for Hermione and Lavender to arrive and the wedding planner my stomach is full of excited butterflies. Three hours later I am still wiping the tears from my eyes the bridesmaids dresses are perfect, and the girls look stunning in them too, Ginny's is a deep green silk that reaches the floor in an elegant sweep with crystal spaghetti straps and butterflies embroidered into the fabric of the skirt. Hermione's is the same but in midnight blue and Lavender's is in Red. We tried the wedding dress we had seen in the catalogue and it was beautiful but it wasn't the right one. After nearly an hour of pulling on and off dresses I am about to give up when there is one pulled out of a side room,

"It is one of a kind miss we made it for you,"

"What? You made it for me,"

"When the war came they destroyed our shop, they burnt our dresses, we were heartbroken but then there came whispers we knew of Harry Potter, knew he was destined to save us but it was looking like an impossible feat. Then we heard a new story one of a girl, a girl who would sacrifice herself for our world, we didn't believe it miss but then the war ended. We rejoiced and we ran to the castle, there we saw and heard the truth, Harry potter had killed He Who Must Not Be Named but only because a girl had sacrificed herself. We saw a body on the floor we heard it scream out, we realised she was still alive, a miracle. So we started to make this dress for the miracle, the girl who lived, then months later we heard the story that she was in fact the long lost twin sister of Harry Potter. Of course we knew that the potters had twins, we made the outfits they wore when they were born. But we was sworn to secrecy so as to not tell anyone about the existence of the girl. When I saw your face just now I realised who you were, you are her aren't you, you are JJ Potter?"

"I… yes that's me," I whisper my mouth still hanging open in shock, this is the first time I have heard anyone else speak of the war to me directly, it's the first time I've heard of anyone else knowing about me when I was a baby, it is the first time anyone has called me potter and it's felt right. "But I will be a Malfoy soon," I smile at them.

"Ah yes, a brave boy, a loyal and beautiful boy, a shame about his parents and the name." I nod again

"We intend to change people's views of that name," she smiles at me and nods in agreement, then hands me the dress and ushers me into a cubicle. I gasp audibly when I see myself in the mirror and as I walk out tears are already in my eyes as the others all burst into tears. It is the most magnificent dress I have ever seen. It is ivory in colour but it seems to almost be made out of light itself as it glows a soft hue the corset is tight enough that it holds in my waist and accentuates my boobs. It is decorated with diamond butterflies. That are so delicate you can barely make them out at first. The skirt is made of many layers of ivory silk and there is a train that is at least ten feet long with diamond butterflies hovering just above it holding it perfectly to shape. The veil is also perfect and then the thing that really tips me over the edge the little old woman brings out a box.

"How did you make it glow?" I whisper in wonder.

"That's not the dress love that's you," the lady smiles and I gasp as I realise that my powers have once again been seen, although everybody must know by now.

"Oh," is all I manage in reply.

"This belonged to your mother, Dumbledore gave it to us to keep safe until you came for it," I take the box with shaking hands and opening it the other girls also gathered around me I see the most beautiful diamond tiara and I gasp almost dropping it, "She wore it on her wedding day," she says the next few minutes are a blur really I seem to remember getting changed the dresses being packaged up and then getting into a car but that's all the next thing I remember is opening my eyes and realising I was laying on my bed.

"How did I?"

"You were feeling a bit dizzy, it was a long day," Ron says,

"Oh but…"

"Lavender phoned me told me you weren't feeling great and I didn't want to disturb Draco at work so I thought I'd come check on you," he smiles, "You okay?"

"It was perfect Ron, the dresses are all so perfect, I hope he likes them," I sigh

"He will love them, to be honest he told me the other day he wouldn't care if you were wearing a bin bag as long as he gets to marry you," and I smile at him.

"I'm so lucky to have him aren't I?"

"I think he's lucky to have you too JJ," he whispers.

"How about some lunch?" I say sitting up slowly,

"Yeah sounds good to me but I'll get it you stay here," and I nod smiling at him, and getting comfortable I grab the remote and switch on the huge flat screen TV (something I know Draco loves as much as me, it's weird all these pureblood's, never lived in the muggle world wizards and witches, they have had magic their entire lives and are yet completely fascinated by things like television, mental I know)

Ten minutes later Ron returns with sandwiches and cake and crisps and pumpkin juice and settles on the bed next to me as we eat hungrily.

"Where are the dresses?" I ask suddenly only just remembering them,

"It's okay they're safe hidden in the back of your wardrobe where wondering eyes of future husbands can't see them," he grins and I relax. Not long after Ron has to get back to work and after munching on some chocolate I decide to have a nap. When I wake up it is almost dark and I feel suddenly very naughty so checking the time and seeing I have an hour before Draco gets home I get to work, using magic this time I conjure a beautiful meal and then slip into the sexiest little black dress I can find in my wardrobe, pair it with some red kitten heels, bright red lipstick and Smokey eye makeup I put my hair up in a bun with tendrils escaping to frame my face and I saunter downstairs.

As I hear him coming up the path calling goodbye to Harry as he does so, I quickly grab two champagne glasses and fill them before striking my sexiest pose and am rewarded by an open mouth and a hungry look in his eyes as he enters and sees me.

"Hey baby," I say sweetly, "Champagne?" he takes the glass I hand him and has a swig before kissing me deeply,

"What's all this is aid of?" he asks as we pull apart for air,

"I just had the most amazing day and I thought that I should start thanking you," I say seductively and his arms brush against the strap on my shoulder which makes me shiver with desire. But I suppress it, I want to make this last all night, I'm going to make sure this is the best it's ever been. "I made dinner," I say as I lead him to a chair at the table and we both sit down. During the first course and second course's I make a point of touching him every now and then but just as quickly pulling away, the feeling of his skin leaving goose pimples on my own. By the time we get to dessert we have finished two bottles of champagne and I am getting bolder so... I excuse myself quickly and when I return it is with a bowl of strawberries dipped in chocolate, I feed him one and then kiss him, he feeds me one and kisses me, then I take one in my mouth and let him take a bite out of it. This time when we kiss it is too much to resist so instead I very slowly stand up and pull him up too, I lead him to the living room, pulling my straps down as I do, the dress falls to the floor and I can hear a throaty growl coming from behind me as I step out of it and continue forward in just my pants, bra and kitten heels.

When I reach the edge of the pool (yes we have an indoor pool, I know I did say this was my dream house) I slowly take my bra off and then slide my knickers down, finally I step out of my shoes and still standing on tip toes I turn slightly to watch him staring at me, glancing down I can see his arousal straining in his trousers, "You coming in?" I ask smirking slightly as I dive into the water, coming up for air on the other side of the pool and turning to face him where he is hurriedly getting undressed. As he jumps in I swim up to him and circling around to his back I begin to kiss his shoulder blades and his neck my breasts rubbing against the bare skin of his back and causing him to moan deeply in his throat. Then I circle back round to face him and kiss him deeply again one hand on his chest the other reaching down and palming his erection, he lets out a low moan and I smile slightly before gasping as he suddenly takes hold of me his fingers finding my most sensitive spot making me instantly shudder. I give up all resolve of lasting this out as I wrap my legs around his waist my fingers digging into his shoulders as he braces himself with one hand gripping my hip the other gripping the side of the pool, he thrusts up into me and we both moan loudly. He holds still inside me for a second as I adjust until I am begging him to move, and then he sets up a steady rhythm and our moaning and heavy breathing along with the splash of water fills the room. Soon I can feel my orgasm building and by the sound of his guttural moans his is too, he thrusts into me harder and faster until I scream out pleasure ripping through me, my body becoming weak as he keeps pumping until a minute later he too lets out a cry as he explodes inside me collapsing forward crushing me between himself and the poolside. We stay in this position for some time trying to regain our composure, our breath coming in short gaps.

"That was amazing," he manages to say and I smile kissing him lightly in response. Shivering as the water feels suddenly cold against my skin I snuggle into him more, somehow he pulls us both out of the water lying down intertwined on the chair by the side, my eyes heavy with the sleep that only comes after good sex.

Waking up I shiver again and push against him slightly making him stir,

"Dra… Draco, w… wake up," I stutter suddenly very cold. Sitting up slightly he opens his eyes smiling, his smile freezes on his face as he looks down at me, "w…what is it?" I ask feeling suddenly scared.

"You're freezing," he mutters his voice almost angry,

"Well I'm n…naked and I…it's t…three in the m…morning," I manage smiling slightly through my chattering teeth.

"You're lips are blue, baby come on we need to go up to bed,"

"N..no Dr…Draco I'm t…too tired," I whisper my eyes beginning to close again I feel his arms around me pulling me up.

"No baby you can't sleep now stay awake okay," I manage to nod as he pulls me up and carries me up into the bedroom, my eyes flutter open long enough to watch him hurriedly pulling on some clothes and then start to dress me, "Come on baby stay with me just a little longer okay," his face is in the fire now as he screams through the floo network for Hermione.

"What is it?" comes a sleepy voice from the other side,

"I need your help it's JJ, shes…" before he can even finish the sentence I can feel her hands on me as she examines me,

"She's hypothermic," she says quietly and then as she starts reeling of instructions I fall asleep. It is a deep sleep one without too many dreams but one that doesn't feel comfortable either. When I do wake up, I realise that I am still nearly naked, although I do have pants and a vest top on now, I am covered with blankets and in front of a roaring fire and I can feel Draco beside me, he stirs as I do and opens his eyes sleepily to look at me as I roll over to face him.

"You scared me baby," he whispers kissing me gently,

"I'm sorry, I'm such a screw up,"

"What are you talking about?" he asks vague concern filling his eyes,

"Even when I try to seduce you it turns into some massive drama," I sigh tears filling my eyes,

"That's not true, you were perfect, you are perfect it was my fault for not bringing you up to bed after"

"It's not your fault you did everything right, you always do," he smiles softly at me shaking his head,

"It was amazing, just maybe next time we'll keep it to a warmer place," he chuckles and I smile kissing him again.

"Oh God," I suddenly cry turning over onto my front and burying my head in the blankets,

"What?"

"Did someone come?"

"Yes Hermione, I was worried about you I needed help,"

"But I was naked, did you tell her,"

"I put some clothes on you, I told her about us watching the stars and falling asleep, don't worry I don't think she caught on," he smiles leaning down and kissing my shoulder before pulling me to him and holding me close.


	21. Chapter 21

Six weeks later and I am standing at the door of our house with Draco, the girls are all behind me in the living room, chattering loudly and pouring champagne.

"I'm going to miss you," I smile

"It's only for one night baby," he laughs, "And tomorrow we will be married and I will take you to our bed and we will never have to be apart again," I smile at him as he pulls me into his arms and kisses me deeply.

"Put her down Drake we have a crate of butter beer and fire whiskey over here," Harry shouts and we both laugh before kissing quickly again,

"Go on then handsome best be on your way, I'll see you in the morning," and with that he backs away not letting go of my hand until the last second and I stand in the doorway watching him run to join the boys before I shut the door and join my own party.

The evening passes in a happy daze of chatting, giggling, drinking and crying over silly things. By the time I fall into my bed with Hermione and Ginny beside me and Lavender in the guest room next door, mum down the hall and the other girls of our family in the guest room downstairs, I am utterly exhausted and fall asleep within minutes.

Waking up the next morning and finding the bed empty I wonder downstairs to find a hive of activity, witches are all over the place doing hair and makeup and fixing breakfast.

"Oh JJ dear you awake, good, we need to get started we only have three hours before it starts," I pale slightly as she says this and run up to shower. But I needn't have worried as three hours later I have had my makeup done, my hair done, my dress put on, as have all my bridesmaids, photos have been taken and we are ready. I can tell it will be an emotional day, everyone has been overwhelmed by my dress already. The butterflies on my dress are nothing compared to the ones in my stomach as I wait by the door ready to leave.

"Okay, dear you ready everyone is here, they're in the marquee, and ah here's Harry now," I look up and see him walking quickly up the path as Hermione opens the door he stops short when he sees me and I swear he wells up which makes me want to start crying all over again.

"You… you look incredible," he stutters making me blush deeply as I take his arm and we head towards the entrance of the marquee stopping in front of it I watch as Hermione, Ginny and Lavender head down the aisle, Hermione with Fred, Ginny with George and Lavender with Ron, Harry turns to me, "You ready sis?" he asks and I nod as he kisses me gently on the cheek and pulls my veil down and as the music starts we enter and begin our walk down the aisle. I can hear the gasps and comments about my dress and the fact that I have a white glow surrounding me as I still haven't quite got a hang of controlling the power, and the snapping of photographers all over the place but all I can see is Draco waiting for me, as I reach him his mouth is practically hanging open and tears are glistening on his cheeks. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before I smile gently at him and the ceremony begins.

"I do," he says smiling his dazzling smile that weakens my knees, and then the priest turns to me,

"I do," I say in a choked voice in response to the question he asks and as we slip wedding bands onto each other's fingers, each had magic woven into it, protecting the wearer and letting the other one know if either were in danger.

"You may kiss the bride," and with that Draco lifts my veil and pulling me towards him kisses me deeply pouring all his love into that kiss.

Later as we are dancing with each other people around us cheering and clapping and then dancing with each other too I rest my head on Draco's shoulder and sigh happily,

"I love you Mr Malfoy," I whisper,

"I love you Mrs Malfoy," he smiles back at me kissing me again,

Three hours later and the party is finally over, our guests have left, the clean-up crew have arrived and after saying goodnight to the family I am wrapped in Draco's arms as he leads me home.

"I'm so tired," I yawn as we reach the front door,

"Well it's a good thing we're headed to bed," he chuckles as he pushes open the door and tries to lift me failing as he gets tangled in all the layers of my dress which makes me laugh, eventually we stumble through the door and into the living room as he frees himself. Still laughing I grab my wand and use it to help undo the back of the dress and step out of it, much like I had done after Christmas all that time ago.

"This easier," I smirk standing before him in a white corset, white French knickers with a white suspender belt and stockings ending in ivory stilettos,

"Much," he almost growls as he pulls me to him and sweeps my legs from under me as he holds me and carries me up the stairs. I giggle into his neck and we both laugh as we land in a heap on the bed moments later.

"Can you believe we finally made it?" I ask after I have calmed down,

"I have waited for this day, prayed for this day and wished that this day could be possible since second year," he admits quietly and I stare at him in shock.

"Well Mr Malfoy, I am yours now and forever, and will love you with all my heart until the day I die and I might even haunt you after so that I don't have to leave you," I smile as I straddle his hips and lean down to kiss him.

"And I will love you with every fibre of my being for all of eternity," he whispers as he pulls me to him and holds me close, I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beating, letting it lull me into a peaceful sleep.

Opening my eyes blearily I fidget uncomfortably and look over at Draco to see him sleeping seemingly peacefully one arm slung lazily over my stomach, carefully I lift his arm away from him and get up without waking him and start to slowly unlace my corset without making any noise and waking him. As I pull it away from my body after ten minutes of unlacing I can't quite contain the sigh of ecstasy at being free. Turning my head to look over my shoulder as I hear a sound I see him staring at me and I blush pulling my arms across my chest as I turn slightly towards him.

"Why do you always do that?" he whispers as I crawl back into the bed,

"Do what?" I ask my blush still burning on my cheeks,

"Get embarrassed and cover yourself up unless you've been drinking?"

"Oh… I… well… because… it's… I'm not…" I trail off not knowing what to say as I can feel myself flush further.

"JJ," I continue to stare at my hands as they fidget with the covers trying to cover more of myself up. "JJ please," the desperation in his voice makes me look up and when I meet his eyes the hurt in them makes tears rush to my own. "I need you to see you how I see you,"

"I don't understand," I say quietly as he jumps out of bed and pulls me with him, I squeak and try to get away from him and back to the safety of the covers,

"Stop," he says in such a commanding voice that I freeze as he stands behind me in front of the floor to ceiling mirror which stands in the corner of our bedroom. He grips me tightly not allowing me to move, slowly he pulls my face up so that we are staring at each other through the mirror, I am shaking and I can see the red still prominent on my cheeks and unshed tears in my eyes, my breath coming in short shaky gasps.

"I can't do this," I stutter,

"Yes you can," he whispers slowly placing his hands around my wrists and pulling my arms away from my chest and down to my sides, "look at yourself," he commands and I shake my head refusing to break eye contact with him a tear escaping from my eye and rolling down my cheek, "Nat you are beautiful, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he breaks off his own breath shaky as he attempts to control his emotions.

"I can't," I whimper, "I'm not… I'm so scarred and he… he told me…"

"Told you what? Who?" he says staring at me intently through the mirror,

"Him… Simon," I wince as I say the name, "the guy in the orphanage, he used to tell me how lucky I was to have him interested, how ugly I was… after… after he did it… he told me what an ugly w…whore I was," I break off tears spilling down my cheeks as he drops his hands and glancing up I can see tears falling from his eyes too and it makes me gasp. I spin round and hold him to me, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," I stutter, "I didn't mean to say it, I've ruined it again haven't I? I can't even get through our wedding without causing drama,"

"Stop JJ, please," his tone is so pleading that I do stop and pull back slightly to look at him, "I don't know what else to do to make you believe me, to me you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, it has always been you, every scar just enhances your beauty to me, I married you because I'm in love with you and I want you with me forever, I'm just lucky that I happen to be in love with someone so beautiful," I look at him for a while before making my mind up and taking a deep shuddering breath I turn back to the mirror, and standing with my arms shaking by my sides I look at myself, for the first time I really look at myself. I'm still a bit skinny but you can no longer see every rib and bone and I'm starting to fill out a bit. My breasts are well proportioned and rounded as well as being pert, my waist is small and curves out nicely to my hips. My stomach is flat and my legs long and slim.

Feeling his fingers on my waist I shiver slightly and look up to see him staring at me through the mirror as he stands behind me. "You see," he whispers bending his head to my neck and kissing it gently. "You are perfect," he kisses me again, "You are beautiful," his lips brush against my earlobe making me shudder and moan softly, "You are mine," his fingers are slowly working their way to my core, "I will cherish you forever," he finishes and I moan again. That night we make love with all the lights on exploring every inch of each other's bodies.

It's been nearly a year since our wedding day and Harry and Ginny, Ron and Lavender and Hermione and Fred have all since been married too and I've never been happier. The Burrow has become a hive of activity once again as Bill and Fleur have announced that they are having a baby and we are preparing to throw a baby shower this weekend. Although I've been feeling really sick the last few days although I've tried to keep it from people.

Waking up I can feel the warmth of the summer sun on my skin and rolling over plan to fall asleep again but a sudden wave of nausea forces me to run to the toilet and be violently sick.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Draco says from behind me as he strokes my hair back for me,

"I don't know, must be something I ate," I say eventually.

"Stay home from work today, you should rest," he says looking concerned,

"I can't, I have some important interviews to do today," I say determinedly, "I'll be fine, I promise, you can drop me off if you like," I say to cajole him, I know how much he loves to walk me to my desk in the morning, to make sure I've got there safe and I think to double check that I am still doing my desk job, I'm now the assistant head of the auror's department, and not out on missions with Harry anymore.

"Okay, but promise me that you'll come straight home if you're feeling ill again," I nod in agreement, not that I can disagree because I know that he'll tell Harry as soon as we see him at breakfast anyway. We nearly always all have breakfast together in the burrow which is one of my favourite times of day, I love seeing everyone, watching them all go about their morning routines, I still have to force myself to eat and I know they all still watch me. This morning they all notice that I'm not eating and I can't help but smile at the concerned looks being passed between them.

This pattern continues for the next three or four weeks, I have managed to hide the sickness from Draco although my sudden drop in weight again has not gone unnoticed, sitting in the toilet cubicle at work I breathe deeply, in my hand is the positive pregnant test and I don't know what to think, Draco will be thrilled, I am too, I just don't know if we're still too young.

"Draco," I say quietly, finding myself at his office door before I can bottle out of it,

"Come in… baby, what are you doing here? You look pale what's wrong?" he says jumping up and moving towards me.

"I'm fine," I smile at him kissing him lightly, "I have some news though… I well… I hope you're happy about it… the sickness it hasn't really gone away…"

"How would that make me happy, have you been to see the medi wizards?" he says looking almost affronted and is about to carry on but I put my hand up and silence him,

"Because I've just found out that I've been sick because I'm pregnant," I say trailing off towards the end of the sentence,

"You're… you're… we're having a… Oh God I'm going to be a dad this is amazing," he cries picking me up in his arms and holding me to him as he lands a kiss on every bit of skin he can find.

"So you're okay with it?" I ask tentatively,

"I'm more than okay with it," he beams, and I smile back.

"Right well we'll tell the others at dinner tonight, I need to get back to work now, just don't mention anything to anyone here until we've spoken to work about it okay," and he nods kissing me again,

"I love you baby, I'll meet you by the lifts at five," he smiles kissing me again as I drag myself away from him and back towards my department.

Turning the corner however I hear shouting and rounding the last corner into my department I can see all hell has broken loose. Normally I would already have my wand out but I am somewhat distracted today and it's too late, Norvany, a dangerous death eater who had been brought in had somehow escaped his restraints and was in the middle of a battle with Harry and a couple of other members of the department.

"JJ watch out," Harry screams and I reach for my wand, but it's too late, Norvany has spotted me and is behind me with his wand to my throat.

"Get out of the way, or she's dead before she hits the ground," he growls and he begins to back towards the lifts, dragging me into one, the last thing I see is the panic on their faces and Harry rushing towards what I can only imagine is Draco's office.

"Let me go," I scream at him as soon as the doors have closed.

"I don't want to touch a filthy blood traitor like you if I can help it believe me," he spits throwing me hard against the wall where I hit the railing stomach first, a sickening pain ripping through my abdomen making panic and bile rise up in my mouth.

"You will never get out of here," I say hoarsely, and he laughs before drawing his wand but I'm quicker, spells begin flying through the small space and by the time the lift pings to a halt and the doors open the battle is almost over. We are both bleeding heavily but I won't let him win and manage to immobilise him for long enough to let Harry get in and bind him as the others rush in to take him straight to Azkaban.

"JJ…" the voice is soft and full of fear, I look up and see Harry standing in front of me, now that I've stopped I can suddenly feel again and pain pools in my womb as I scream out unable to stop myself doubling over and crumpling to the floor.

"Oh God JJ," I can hear Draco's voice as he collapses besides me, "Oh shit the baby, Harry get us to St Mungo's now," he yells and blackness engulfs me as I pass out.


	22. Chapter 22

**Third person POV**

"Draco she'll be alright mate," Ron says as he watches Draco pacing up and down the waiting room like a caged lion. They were all there like they had been so many times before, waiting for news.

"What did you mean when you said the baby?" Harry asks quietly stepping forward and in front of him to stop him pacing. The room is suddenly deathly quiet as they wait to hear what he says, although deep down they all know and all fear the same thing.

"She's… she's pregnant we just found out today, we were going to tell you all tonight," he says letting out a sob,

"I'm sure it will be okay," Harry tries,

"There was so much blood Harry, you saw how much…" he breaks off as his ring burns suddenly glowing red, "Oh fuck," he mutters suddenly rushing towards the room she is in.

"Draco, let them work you can't,"

"She's my wife, she's in trouble I need…"

"Mr Malfoy step back this instant," a voice booms and everyone spins to see Dumbledore standing there and the shock makes everyone fall silent and begin to tremble under his stare slightly.

"No, she can't be, I can't…" Draco stutters falling to his knees before the great dead wizard,

"She is going to be quite okay my boy,"

"Then why?" he asks showing his hand to indicate what he could not ask,

"Alas," the old spirit sighs and the quivering around the room intensifies, "Your child did not survive…" before he can finish Draco lets out a sob and crumples as Harry collapses beside him Mrs Weasley on his other holding him and rocking him their own tears masked by Draco's grief. The sorrow in the room is almost stifling as they take in this news. "Mr Malfoy you must be strong,"

"I can't," he sobs, "my baby, how could… what am I supposed…" he can't finish what he is saying as he breaks down once more.

"Come child, look…" he gestures and everyone follows his gaze as she is wheeled out of the theatre room, she is pale and appears to be sleeping, healing wounds visible on the patches of skin that are visible. "She is going to suffer too, you need to be strong for her all of you, you will have children, I have seen it and you will be happy again, but only if you are strong together,"

"I don't know if I can this time," Draco almost whispers, and a choked sob is heard from Mrs Weasley.

 **JJ's POV**

"Draco," I mumble as I begin to wake up, my head muddled as I try to organise my thoughts,

"I'm here baby," he says quietly and I can tell he's been crying,

"I lost her didn't I?" I whisper tears already forming in my eyes and when he nods I can't hold back the sobs, after a while when I have calmed down enough to notice my surroundings, I can see that he is holding me stiffly and refusing to look at me. "Do you blame me?" I say in alarm pulling away from him shaking from head to foot.

"What? Baby no," he starts looking at me for the first time,

"Then why won't you look at me? Why aren't you holding me right?" I ask tears beginning to fall once again,

"Because I'm trying to be strong for you," he mutters, his resolve cracking and tears beginning to seep from his eyes too.

"You don't have to be, I don't want you to be strong for me, it was your child too, you have to grieve too, or it will tear us apart," I cry and with that his resolve shatters as we cling to each other and weep for our child.

Two days later and I am released from St. Mungos and sent home, I know that I look rough, but catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror startles me, I am pale and gaunt looking. But then again so is Draco.

Eating has become a struggle again too, I am trying to force myself to eat but it's getting harder. Sitting at dinner with Draco, we have stopped going to the burrow for the moment, it's too hard to see everyone's pity all the time. I take a bite of my chicken and can't stop the gagging that follows holding my hand to my mouth I rush to the toilet.

"Baby…" a voice says quietly from behind me trailing off as I lean back trembling against the wall.

"I'm scared Draco," I mutter not able to look at him, so settling for staring at my knees instead,

"Of what?" he asks sitting down opposite me his long legs sprawling out either side of me, as I try to steady my breathing, both of us noticing how just him being there and his legs enclosing me calms me enough to stop my shaking and glancing up I can see him smile slightly as he realises this.

"That I'm going to stop eating again," I say, pausing before looking up at him, "I've been trying so hard, but I can feel myself losing control, I feel so sick every time I look at food I just can't get over the guilt,"

"Guilt about what baby?" he asks leaning forward slightly,

"It was my fault… I killed our baby," I sob suddenly and I can feel him tense up and then lean forward more,

"What are you talking about?" he says slowly, concern laced through his tone.

"When he threw me against the lift wall I hit the railing stomach first, I should have twisted, I should have fought harder, I should have protected her better," I sob tears of guilt and grief pouring down my cheeks as he shuffles over to me and embraces me fully.

"Baby it's not your fault, it was Norvany, please stop doing this to yourself," he soothes, "It will get better, I promise it will,"

 **Draco's POV**

I can't believe she is blaming herself for all of this, no wonder she is finding it hard to eat again, but I can't let her get sick. Sitting beside her on the edge of the bed while she sleeps I decide that I need to talk to the others so getting up quietly I leave a note on the pillow next to her and head over to the burrow. Walking in the room goes silent as they all turn from their dinner to look at me.

"Draco how are you?" Fred says jumping up and hugging me briefly, I nod tensely before remembering that I can be who I am with these people, they are my family,

"Not great," I reply sighing heavily as I sink into a chair and rub my face with my hands trying to pull my thoughts together, "She blames herself, she thinks it's her fault and she was sick today… couldn't eat… she admitted that she's scared she's getting sick again that she's going to stop eating again and I don't know what to do," I finish and wait as they take this in.

"It's my fault," a voice says from the corner and looking up I see Harrys guilt ridden face,

"No it's not," I try to reassure him.

"Yes it is, I should have had better control over Norvany, I got too cocky thought I could handle it easily and my family have suffered because of it, my sister, my niece or nephew," he sniffs and I suddenly realise that if this isn't sorted out now it is going to tear us all apart forever.

"NO," I shout standing up, "This is no-one's fault but Norvany and we need to stop putting blame on ourselves, we need to try to move on… together. We're going to have a memorial tomorrow night and then we are going to all move on and be happy again, otherwise we will fall apart," I say firmly walking to Harry and pulling him into a fierce hug before walking home to inform Nat of my statement.

"Baby… baby are you awake," I whisper quietly and am rewarded with a small smile as she rolls over to face me,

"Hey," she says weakly.

"Hi," I say back moving my hand to gently stroke the side of her face, my thumb tracing the visible tracks of her tears, "It's going to be okay JJ, I promise, we're going to have a memorial tomorrow night to say goodbye and our baby is going to be safe with Dumbledore until we get there," I say believing myself for the first time.

"Dumbledore," she repeats frowning slightly for a second before offering me a watery smile, "I never thought of that he will look after her won't he,"

Looking down at her, I understand what Dumbledore was saying for the first time, I need to be strong for her in different ways, I need to be here, to show her that she is safe and protected, but I need to show her that it's okay to not be okay sometimes too.

"Let's sleep now baby, we'll sort everything out in the morning," I whisper as I pull her to me and rock her gently through her silent sobs until we are both asleep. In the morning I watch as she struggles to eat half a piece of toast and can see that she has lost weight again already and it terrifies me, tonight has to work. "So what do you want to happen tonight baby?" I ask attentively.

"I think I want for us to say a prayer, and to set off some lanterns, into the sky, to help guide her to Dumbledore you know," she whispers after a moment's thought,

"That sounds perfect," I smile and am rewarded with a small smile back, "Are you okay here for a bit, while I go and sort stuff out then?" I ask and she nods as I get up and kiss her gently on the forehead before heading over to the others.

At eight that night I am standing by the door waiting for her so we can go. Hearing a noise I look up and see her descending the stairs, she is pale and thin and has obviously been crying again, but I can't help thinking that she looks so beautiful it almost hurts. She is wearing a classy little black dress with her hair up and a little black headband with the tiniest bit of a black veil on it which just reaches her eyes. As she reaches me she looks up into my eyes and my heart breaks.

"It will be okay won't it?" she almost whimpers, and I nod to her as I wrap my arm around her and guide her outside. She is shaking as we approach the others and I pull her closer to me, I can see the concerned looks of the family and I'm not sure my heart can take it I feel so overwhelmed with grief and love at the same time. As we reach the clearing that has been set out and decorated and sit in the little chairs, she suddenly gets up and walks to the front, everyone is still and silent as they wait for her to speak, my heart is beating so fast I think I might die.

"It's beautiful," she starts gesturing around, "My little girl would have loved it," I can hear a few whimpers and sobs as she says this, "I just wanted to say that if it wasn't for all of you, and for my perfect husband, I wouldn't be here now. I know I've said that a lot, but this time I think I would honestly just have died if you hadn't been here, I didn't get the chance to see my little princess, name her, play with her, teach her anything, but I could still feel her, she was a part of me and I miss her, but we have to move on, she would want us to because she's up there now with Dumbledore and my mum and dad and all of our friends and family that we have lost, she's safe and she wants us to be happy too," she is crying but her voice is steady and I've never felt prouder of her than I do at this moment. Taking hold of a lantern she lights it and holds it up to the sky, "So goodbye my angel and we'll see you when we get there," letting it go she watches as it drifts into the sky before the others start to bring theirs forward, they are all crying and all hug her gently.

"I'm so sorry," Harry sobs as he reaches her and she looks at him startled,

"Harry, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself please," she says as embraces him something remarkable happens, a light engulfs them both and looking up we can all briefly see the faces of all our loved ones that we have lost smiling down at us and in their mum and dads arms is a baby girl giggling away happily, everyone breaks down at this point and the only thing heard for a long while is the sobbing of everyone there. But afterwards it is like a weight has been lifted.

Waking up the next morning it's like a different woman next to me she is sleeping peacefully with no pained expression on her face, as I move to get out of bed she stirs and opens her eyes smiling at me.

"Morning beautiful," I say smiling back at her and she blushes a little bit making my heart pound with love for her,

"I love you," she says quietly as she stretches before sitting up and moving over to straddle my lap.

"I love you too," I reply kissing her slowly, gently before she moans softly into my mouth and deepens the kiss pushing me back onto the mattress her hair creating a curtain around our faces.

"I've missed you," she says breathily as her kisses work their way across my jaw, down my neck and to my chest making me groan deep in my throat, "I'm sorry," she whispers as she reaches my painfully hard erection and takes it straight into her hot little mouth making me moan loudly and causing my hips to jerk upwards. She increases her pressure and the speed at which she is sucking me and the pleasure is so intense my toes are curling.

"Baby you are too good at that," I growl as I pull her up towards me and flip her onto her back so that I am on top of her rubbing my throbbing cock against her centre, I smile as she moans loudly and she looks up at me smiling too, "You are so beautiful," I say as I bend my head to kiss her thrusting into her at the same time swallowing her cry of pleasure as we kiss. Setting up a steady rhythm I can soon feel her getting ready to climax and wanting to go with her I speed up until I can feel her clench around me, sending me over the edge with a cry as I see black spots before my face and collapse forwards on top of her.

"That was amazing," she whispers after a while, kissing my shoulder blade lightly,

"Yeah it was," I agree smiling stupidly which makes her laugh,

"Let's shower and then go meet the others for breakfast," she says

"Okay, although it will be more like lunch by the time we get there," I grin,

"Why it's only half 7," she says with an adorable frown crossing her features,

"Ahh but once I get you in the shower I have to repay you for just now and well I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my hands off you," I laugh before jumping up and running to the bathroom as she chases me.

Walking to the burrow a week later it feels like a lifetime ago that I was scared for her health, she is glowing somehow, radiant in her beauty.

"I love you," I whisper as I pull her to me and kiss her quickly before we head inside.


End file.
